Tag: teens

When Is My Kid Ready for a Phone?

What’s the right age to get your kid a phone?

How do you know if your kid is ready for a phone?

This has been such an interesting generational shift! This was simply not a conversation our parents had, so it doesn’t come with the same sort of ability to look back and think, Oh, I’ll do it the way my parents did (or didn’t!).

But there’s a lot to consider when deciding if your kid is ready for a phone.

There are inherent risks to kids having a phone- screen addiction, falling prey to the social media comparison trap, online bullying, exploitation, sexting, and more. 

But there are also benefits to phones, like communication, building friendships, and learning/growing interests and skills.

So instead of just giving you the answer about exactly when the right time is for a kid to have a phone, here are some questions, and possible workarounds you could use. Because what’s right for one family may not be the answer for another.

Questions to Ask When Considering a Phone for a Child:

Why does your kid need a phone? 

  • To stay in touch with family? Are you a split-custody family, and need to be able to contact your kid when they’re at their mom/dad’s?
  • Does your kid spend time alone at home? Maybe you work outside the home, and would like to check-in with your child when they get home from school.
  • To call for a ride home from activities? (Gone are the days of using the collect phone at school and leaving a quick “It’s-Alex-need-a-ride” before your family declines the charges and hangs up on you. Just me? 🙂 )
  • They walk to school or ride to friend’s houses on their bike and you would like to know where they are

These circumstances may shift the emphasis you put on the next section, when you consider their maturity level. You can also use these questions to identify the features you would need in a phone or other smart device.

What’s my child’s general maturity level?

Instead of randomly choosing an age, let’s look at some maturity markers that tell you a kid might be ready for the responsibility of having a phone:

  • Can they take care of their own personal hygiene with minimal reminders?
  • Can they turn off the TV or video games without complaining?
  • Are you able to trust them to stay home alone?
  • Do they frequently lose small (or larger) items, like glasses, books, coats, etc?
  • Do they follow through with other responsibilities, like completing homework or chores?

Reasons your kid might want a phone

Hint, these may not be good reasons to get a kid a phone.

  • To be like their friends. Peer pressure never goes away
  • To play games
  • To be on social media
  • So they’re not bored all the time

For me, it comes down to a cost-benefit. Is the child (or family) going to experience a net positive from having a phone?

Growing up is a gradual process, and we naturally give our kids more responsibility and privileges over time. So it can be helpful to find a way to introduce them to phones, and then build the privileges up over time, instead of just throwing them in the deep end.

Things you can do instead of giving kids their own phone

You can have a family cell phone (one that all the kids share, and that stays in an agreed-upon place), or even install a landline, depending on the identified need for a phone. Hear me out, but a landline might be a nice option for younger kids in a split-custody arrangement; if you can screen your calls, you should barely have to speak to the other co-parent.

You can also use smartwatches, some of which come with minimal texting and calling abilities. So, if you need to know where your kid is, and want the ability to check-in with them, this could be a better solution than a full phone.

Teaching kids to use phones as tools

If you have come to the conclusion that your kid does, in fact, need a phone, this is a great learning opportunity. 

We can teach our kids how to use phones responsibly, instead of them becoming dependent on them. Screen addiction is real, and so are the dangers of social media, online bullying, and being exploited. 

We need to let them build up their knowledge and self-control about using phones properly instead of just throwing them in the deep end and hoping they figure it out. Whether that’s by putting limits or parental controls on the phone, or by monitoring with apps like Bark, you need something to help them with the structure. Especially at first.

What does a therapist do in her own house for kid phones?

Affiliate disclaimer- I am an affiliate for Pinwheel, and if you purchase a product from them, I will receive a small commission at no-cost to you. BUT, we have had this phone in our home for about 6 months, and had recommended it to several friends and family members, before I became an affiliate.

I’ve been a huge fan of using Pinwheel with my oldest kid. It’s a smartphone operating system specifically for kids, preteens, and teenagers, and has been a great first phone. 

I love that it gives him a phone he can talk to his friends and family on. And, it’s a smartphone (so he doesn’t look like the odd kid out), but it also has no access whatsoever to social media, or to a general search engine. The phone numbers are all safe-listed, so he’s not going to receive spam. Pinwheel’s app store is curated to give kids tools to support their growth, not mindless games or content.

For our family, it made sense that he got a phone around age 11; we had moved about an hour away, and he was missing the ability to talk to his old friends. He had also shown a lot of the maturity markers that I already mentioned. 

But I think my favorite thing is that he is 100% not addicted to this phone. He gets on to text a friend or two, listen to a podcast, or learn Welsh (his choice!), but will then put it back down and forget about it. He’s the only 12-year-old I know, who has his own phone, who is not stuck on it constantly. 

For more- visit Pinwheel.com to order a phone and Pinwheel monthly subscription at $15/mo 

Your Plan for Getting Your Kid a Phone

Hopefully, now you have a plan about if and when you will get your child a phone of their own (or not!). There’s no magic age to get your kid a phone, but there are lots of signs that your kid will give you to show that they’re ready. And that little feeling of trepidation you have about giving your child more independence? That’s normal! It’s wonderful and hard- all at the same time- to watch them grow up!

Best of luck whenever you choose to move forward with this! 

Autism and Wandering: 13 Tips to Keep Kids Safe

Wandering. Eloping. Running. Whatever you call it- it’s a terrifying part of many kid’s lies. Most commonly, it can impact kids with Autism, but it can also affect kids with other special needs, and even ADHD.

Strategies to keep kids with ADHD, Special Needs, and Autism from Wandering

The strategies to address wandering are unique, because this behavior is such a huge safety risk. While you’re trying to work with your kid on resisting this urge, you’re also going to need to put every measure possible in place to ensure their safety. 

Kid-Based Solutions for Wandering:

  • Develop a routine path for common trips, (like home to school) so if their body starts going on auto-pilot, they’ll know where they are when they start paying attention again. 
  • Use visual stories about how dangerous wandering can be
  • Emphasize the need for the buddy system. Help them identify who can be a buddy, and how to ask.
  • Help identify why they may be wandering. This can help you know when the likelihood for wandering may increase, and may alert you to where they’re going.
    • Parents of kids on the autism spectrum report some of the most common reasons for wandering as:
      • Enjoying running, and exploring new things
      • Desire to be at their favorite place
      • The need to escape an anxious situation 
      • The strong desire to pursue a special topic of interest (like trains, cars, etc.)
      • Trying to avoid an uncomfortable sensory stimuli

Parent & Community-Based Solutions for Wandering:

  • Consider a GPS bracelet, especially a water-proof one. It is possible that your insurance, or a local grant, may cover this, and you may want to ask your pediatrician, or even the local police department, about recommendations.
  • There are trackers, like AngelSense, which will allow you to locate your child and monitor their GPS location.
  • Consider that this is not a kid who can be out of your sight yet- create a plan for how you get a chance to shower, take care of yourself, make dinner, etc., while your kid is still monitored.
  • Install chime alerts on the doors and windows in your house to give you a heads up if a child is eloping.
  • Provide them with wearable ID.
  • Think about making the local police department aware of your child’s tendency toward this behavior. Provide them with up to date pictures, and your contact information.
  • Develop a plan to prevent wandering at school, and a recovery plan, in case the worst happens.
  • Alert neighbors to alert you if they see him/her walking alone.
  • Many kids who wander are drawn towards water, since it can be so calming. Identify bodies of water (drainage ponds, pools, wells, lakes, etc) near you as first places to check. If you are very tied into your community, you may even know people near those locations and can set-up a sort of alert system with them as a first step for where to check if your child is missing. 

Autism Wandering Devices

One tracking device that consistently rises to the top is AngelSense. It’s a device that can be worn, and allow the parent to access from their phone- and you can even hear what’s going on from the ‘walkie talkie’ function!

The device can be worn in pockets, or even in special undershirts so it can’t be removed.

One of the best benefits of the AngelSense, when it comes to kids with autism wandering off, is the GPS locator, which is specific enough to find a kid in a certain area of a large school campus. There’s also an alarm that a parent can set-off remotely to alert adults or authorities in the area that your child may be in danger. (It’s also come in handy for kids who like to play ‘hide-and-seek’ with school staff- without letting anyone know.

Here’s more about what parents have to say about AngelSense.

Can I Completely Prevent My Kid From Wandering?

Unfortunately, completely preventing elopement is unlikely. The real goals here are to a) prevent it when possible, and b) catching it as soon as possible to avoid/reduce the negative consequences.

Being prepared is the best way to handle any emergency.

There’s a lot you can do to get prepared, but a good place to start would be to find the easiest step to put into place, and start with one step per week (or day if you’re ambitious). Then choose the 2nd easiest, and so on, working up to the most challenging option for you.

If it seems like too much to think about right now, I would encourage you to save this article for later.

Looking for more practical fixes?

33 Self Discovery Journal Prompts for Teens

These journal prompts for teens are perfect for self-discovery!

Teenagers face so many challenges, and difficult choices, but developing self-awareness can be an antidote to the craziness. Some would even say it’s therapeutic!

Self-Discovery Through Journaling

Journaling is possibly the best tool there is for getting to know yourself better. It helps you slow down, and reflect on what’s been running through your mind. When you consolidate all those bits and pieces, it helps you discover the patterns and themes in your life. 

Once you’ve made these self-discoveries, then you can take action on them. And because of that, journaling is a great first step towards personal growth!

Why Use Journal Prompts for Teens?

There is so much development happening in high school. Academic, physical, social and personal growth are all co-occurring. Journaling helps teens (and everyone) to be mindful of these changes, and purposeful about the direction your life is heading.

Using journal prompts can be helpful to avoid the fear of staring at a blank piece of paper. You can even use these journal prompts to keep an ‘audio journal’ where you make voice-recordings!

Journaling for teens is nice because it respects their privacy. You can be a lot more open about what’s happening to you when you’re not worried about the judgment of what someone else will think. After all, the whole point of journaling is that you’re still figuring it out!

Journal Prompts PDF and Ebook

Download your own copy of journal prompts for teens, and start on the path towards self-discovery today! There’s a PDF option that has all the prompts written in list form, and there’s an ebook that also has the prompts listed again, on individual pages with space to journal included!

Journal Prompts for Teens for Greater Self-Discovery

Enjoy the Journey of Self-Discovery!

The journey to self-awareness is never-ending- because we as people are always growing! Coming back to the same question from time to time (or even every year!) can give you amazing perspective on how you’ve grown. Make sure to save this so you can come back to it!

You might also be interested in:

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24 Time Management Tools for Teens

Time management.

It may seem like a fuzzy, broad topic, but it’s one of the most critical life-skills we need to teach our teens.

It’s not something people are born with; it’s a skill developed and honed over time. 

So, if you’ve been thinking that your teenager- or kid, or pre-teen (or even you!) -needs better time management skills, there’s hope!

What Are Your Goals for Your Time?

The first step to working on time management is to figure out why you need to be working on it in the first place. If it’s just a vague fuzzy feeling that this is something they could be better at, your teen is going to have a hard time gaining the correct time management tools.

But if you know why time management matters to you, and them, it’s easier to have the motivation and drive to actually want to work on this. Because the reality is that you can have all the tools and tricks in the world, but it usually comes down to just doing the thing. AKA self-discipline. (Which is also a muscle that can be strengthened- so no fears!)

And self-discipline is much, much easier if you remember your WHY.

Common Challenges of Time Management for Teens

Typically when people look for time management skills, you get a list of things like, “wake up 15 minutes earlier” or “use a planner” and hope and cross your fingers that something will work. But there are actually a few different concrete challenges that people have with managing their time effectively.

Once you know where the problem is, it’ll be easier to find the correct solution!

Challenge #1: Knowing How Long It Takes To Do A Task

The first common problem is just knowing how long it takes to DO something. People with this challenge often over or underestimate the time they need to prep for activities, and then are constantly running late. 

Have you ever eaten dinner at 8:30 because you underestimated how long it would take dinner to cook? Imagine feeling that way all the time. Teens struggling with this typically want to be able to be on time, so they end up feeling chronically frustrated, or even paralyzed because it seems like there’s just not enough time to do everything.

Time Management Tools for Teens

  • Start a log of how long it takes to do things like get ready in the morning, get to school, do homework, eat a meal, get to work, etc. Any activity that comes immediately before something where they’re chronically late, or something they’re routinely not finishing is a good candidate to monitor. 
  • Keep the log for at least a week- you’ll want multiple times to be able to get an average.

Then use this information to plan better. Maybe they thought they could get ready for school in 25 minutes. But if it took anywhere between 20-45 minutes, you need to plan for 45 minutes because the consequences of arriving early are significantly less than arriving late!

Challenge #2: Getting Started

AKA task initiation. This may look like someone who’s just avoiding their work, or putting it off, or dawdling. The key to helping teens who struggle with getting started is understanding why it’s a challenge to them. Does the task seem too challenging, or too long? Maybe there is something more fun they want to be doing? Or does focus (and being easily distracted) seem to be the main problem?

Time Management Tools for Teens:

If the task is too long:

  • Break it into chunks and use a timer so there’s a clear, manageable time limit. You may have to start with shorter times, like 10 minutes and build from there. But this teaches your teen that they are completely capable of doing this, which will help build their confidence, self-esteem and potentially even re-wire their brain!

If the task is too challenging:

  • Break the task apart into smaller parts. So, the chore wouldn’t be, “Clean the bathroom” it would be “clean the toilet and sink,” “clean the tub,” “wipe down the mirror,” etc. 

Is there something more fun?

  • Use it as a reward to motivate your teen. You may want to gently remind them about responsibilities and privileges, and that responsibilities have to come first. Of course, do that at a different time than when they’re trying to get this task started. Because then it will come off as a lecture, and we all know lecturing teens is no good!
  • Game-ify whatever they’re working on! ‘Beat the clock’ is the easiest option (how many problems can you do in 5 minutes, how much can you clean during this song?, etc) but the options are endless, so let your creativity shine!

Are they easily distracted?

  • What is the maximum attention-span of your teen to challenging work? Use that as a guide to set timers for 5 minutes of work, etc. 
  • A healthy adult attention span (for challenging work) is shorter than you may have thought- college students average 3-5 minutes under lab conditions! The point is that you (and they!) shouldn’t feel badly about a short attention span- we’re built to constantly seek new information. 
  • Put away the phone. Like in a completely different room. And turn off notifications on a smartwatch if they wear one.
  • Use website blockers to prevent checking social media and other websites.
  • Try some white noise to drown out all the other distractions.

Challenge #3: Having enough time in the day to get it all done

Kids and teens with this challenge generally know what needs to be done, and are capable of starting and completing the task, but they always seem to end the day with the feeling of, “I just wasn’t able to get it all done!”

Time Management Tools for Teens

  • Manage expectations. Use a planner, or even just a sheet of paper and some sticky notes, write down all the tasks they think need to happen. Work on spreading things out, and…
  • PRIORITIZE. This is one of the main problems. Everything feels important, so it’s hard to cut things out, or even place them in order. A good question to have your teen ask themself is, “what would realistically happen if I didn’t do this?”
  • Monitor time wasters. Screens are the most obvious examples here. You can encourage them to experiment with keeping phones, etc in a different room when they’re studying or trying to get something done.
  • Re-claim the lost time. I was working with a gentleman who claimed he had no time to get anything done. But we did a time audit, and found that he had an additional 2 HOURS EVERY DAY spent waiting (for transportation, and for his classes or work to begin once he got there). Once we were able to plan for what he could realistically do with that time, he was able to stop feeling like he was falling behind.

Challenge #4: Finishing the Job (Task Completion)

It was that first gorgeous day of spring, the weather was warm, it was sunny,  I was a senior at college, and everyone else was outside having all the fun.

I, however, had to finish a finals paper. It was agony. The last paragraph must’ve taken an hour, and at one point I vividly remember laying at the top of my basement-bedroom stairs, half here and half there, longingly looking outside. 

Dramatic? Why, yes. 

But it paints the picture of someone who struggles with finishing tasks. And there are a dozen nearly finished projects around my house to prove that I start things with gusto and enthusiasm, and either get bored, frustrated, or distracted before I finish what I started.

If your teen (or you!) has a problem with just finishing the job, there are a few time management solutions for you.

Time Management Tools for Teens

  • Set aside extra time at the end; you know you’re going to slow down, like a car running out of gas, so plan for it.
  • If possible, start with the end. You can write your conclusion at the same time as your introduction! 
  • Reframe the ‘end’ as an entirely new task in it’s own right. This is especially effective if you’re good at task initiation.
  • Time yourself to see how quickly you can finish the job.
  • Give yourself a scheduled break if you’ve been at it awhile. Scheduling the break and planning to come back is very different then quitting, and is why I think the Pomodoro Technique (essentially, work for 25 min, break for 2-3 min, work for 25, break for 2-3, etc.) can be useful!

Challenge #5: Having a plan

People without a plan are flying by the seat of their pants. They’re subject to whims, and being overly driven by their emotions (ranging from “I feel great- let’s do all the things!” to “I don’t feel like it today). They also waste a lot of time figuring out what to do next.

  • Develop a routine; put yourself on autopilot to save on your mental load.
  • Try a brain-dump. Some people freeze when they’re overwhelmed. Seeing everything written out so that you can attack it one piece at a time may help. If the list is so long that it still seems unmanageable, try re-writing it with just the top 3 priorities, OR…
  • Use a planner, even for non-study related activities. For “every minute spent in planning saves as many as ten minutes in execution.” So, if you spent just 10 minutes planning your day, it’ll save you more than an hour and a half! You can even leave space or time to still be spontaneous if that’s important for you. Win!

Time Management Isn’t Something We’re Born With

Time management is such a critical life skill, but for many of us it may not come naturally. The good part is that it can be taught- at any age. So to recap, here’s a summary of all the time management tools for teens (or anyone)!

The Complete List of Time Management Tools for Teens

  1. Track how long it takes to do a task, and then use that info for planning 
  2. Break jobs into 10-minute chunks and use a timer so there’s a clear, manageable time limit.
  3. Use your maximum attention span for challenging tasks as a guide for how long to set the timer. Stretch it as you get better!
  4. Break a task apart into smaller parts. So, the chore wouldn’t be, “Clean the bathroom” it would be “clean the toilet and sink,” “clean the tub,” “wipe down the mirror,” etc. 
  5. Have something ‘fun’ planned as a small reward for completing the job (or doing it on-time, etc.)
  6. Game-ify it with games like ‘Beat the clock’ or ‘how much can you clean during this song?’ The options are endless, so let your creativity shine!
  7. Put the phone in a completely different room, with sound and notifications off. 
  8. Turn off notifications on the smartwatch, too.
  9. Use website blockers to prevent checking social media and other websites.
  10. Try using white-noise.
  11. Manage expectations of how much can realistically be done in a day. 
  12. PRIORITIZE. Ask yourself, “does this get me closer to where I want to be?” Or on the opposite side, “what would realistically happen if I didn’t do this?”
  13. Do a time-audit
  14. Reclaim your ‘lost’ time 
  15. Set aside extra time at the end of a task
  16. If possible, start with the end. 
  17. Reframe the ‘end’ as an entirely new task in it’s own right. 
  18. Use a mantra like, “I can do anything for 10 minutes.”
  19. Give yourself a scheduled break if you’ve been at it awhile. 
  20. Try the Pomodoro Technique (essentially, work for 25 min, break for 2 min, work for 25, break for 2, etc.) using whatever time frames would be most helpful to you
  21. Develop a routine for daily and weekly tasks.
  22. Try a brain-dump. 
  23. Use a planner, even for non-study related activities. 
  24. Identify your most productive time of day
What is a good daily routine for a teenager?

The priority for a good daily routine for teenagers is that it needs to include 8-10 hours of sleep, and time for physical activity. Everything else will become much easier after that. Maintaining a consistent routine is also important for the routine to become habit.

How do you manage time in high school?

The best way to manage time in high school is to identify your goal, and prioritize the activities/classes that move you towards that goal. Identifying where you struggle with time management is also a key step in managing time. Planners can be a concrete way to help you see where your time is going, and relieve some anxiety because you can see that you DO have time for everything (if you truly don’t- it’s time to make some hard decisions).

How can I help my teenager with time management?

The first step is always to get them on board- you cannot manage your teenager’s time for them. From there, you’ll want to help them figure out what their biggest problem with time management is, and provide tools that match the need.

What are the best time management tools?

The best time management tools are a) planners and b) timers. These tools are flexible enough to be used how individuals would benefit the most.

Ways to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety

The other day, my 8-year-old was a captive audience in the van. And I wanted to touch base with him about something that had been on my mind. So, I asked, “Honey, I’m curious, do you ever think about climate change? Is it something you have any feelings about?”

His immediate answer? An emphatic YES. “Oh really?” I said. “Yeah, I have tons of feelings about it.”

“Really? Which ones?”

“Well, just one type of feeling…Worry.”

That caught me off guard. I don’t know why it did; everything points to the fact that he should be worried. But as a mom, I wanted to brush this back under the rug. To tell him, “Oh, it’ll all be ok. The grown-ups will fix this. Don’t worry.”

But, therapeutically, this is unhelpful at best, and damaging at worst. He’s allowed to experience whatever feelings he has.

I also know too much to believe that any of what I wanted to say is actually true.

But most importantly, I know he’s not alone.

What Is Climate Anxiety?

It really is just what it sounds like. It’s anxiety, specifically based on concern or worry about the environment and/or climate. You may also hear it called eco-anxiety.

Excessive worry over weather patterns, melting glaciers, extinction, over-population, plastics (and the list goes on) are all examples of climate anxiety. It can become paralyzing for kids, and adults, alike. If your kid is experiencing climate anxiety, and it can spiral into hopelessness and a fairly existential crisis if left unaddressed.

Is Climate Change Actually Causing Anxiety?

The American Psychological Association did release a paper addressing the interplay between mental health and climate change. Essentially, they answered the question, “Is climate change causing anxiety” with a resounding YES.

Although it’s not currently in the DSM-5, which means you can’t get an actual diagnosis,  you can receive climate anxiety counseling.

The good news is that there’s a fine line between overwhelming and paralyzing anxiety about the climate, and a sense of urgency that pushes us into action. When addressing eco-anxiety with our kids, we’re ultimately going to focus on ways to take individual action.

How to Talk To Your Kids About Climate Change

Climate change is a HUGE topic, with lots of moving parts. But personally, teaching my kids about these giant topics and getting to emphasize the parts that I value the most, is one of my favorite parts of parenting!

So, just like with any other large, sometimes challenging concepts (think sex, or religious beliefs) it’s best to go slow, and start with the basics.

Start with a foundation of what nature is, and grow an appreciation for it! Spend time at parks, on walks, or visiting nearby National or State parks. This step cannot be understated. And it should be repeated as often as possible.

And then proceed based on the developmental level of your child. A 4-year-old and 10-year-old are going to be able to think- and process their feelings- about climate change very differently!

If you’re looking for a few books to help explain climate and the environment to kids, here are a (very) few recommendations:

  1. National Parks of the USA by Kate Siber
  2. The Honeybee by Kirsten Hall, illustrated by Isabelle Arsenault
  3. What Is Climate Change by Gail Herman (in the style of the Who/What Was? series)
  4. Not For Me, Please! I Choose To Act Green by Maria Godsey, illustrated by Christopher J Kellner
  5. Who Turned Up the Heat? Eco-Pigs Explain Global Warming by Lisa S. French, illustrated by Barry Gott
  6. A Kid’s Guide to the Green New Deal- How to Save the Planet, (Ebook) by Billy Goodman, illustrated by Paul Meisel

    Hope and Action are the Best Solutions for Climate Anxiety

    I know it can be tough, especially if you’re experiencing eco-anxiety yourself- but try to leave your kid with an actionable step (keep reading for a few ideas), and a little bit of hope. Try to leave the apocalyptic imagery and most of the doom and gloom out of your discussions.

    Finding a balance between urgency is terror is hard. But giving them hope is one of the best ways to avoid climate anxiety or depression, while still raising a kid who cares about the environment.

    RESOURCES TO GIVE YOUR CHILD HOPE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT

      [bctt tweet=”Hope and action are the best solutions for climate anxiety.” prompt=”tell a friend”]

      How Kids Can Address Climate Change, by Age Group

      Climate change is a problem too large for any single person- or even country- to solve. Which is the paradox that has led to so much inaction over the decades. Psychology even has a term for this: the bystander effect.

      Effectively, the more bystanders are around, the less likely they are to assist a person (or in this case, an environment) in distress. The thought process is, “Oh, there are plenty of people here. Someone else MUST already be doing something about that. I don’t want to intervene, I’ll just get in the way.”

      And while those thoughts are pretty typical, they’re wildly unhelpful.

      To help combat the bystander effect, and get your kid engaged in protecting the environment, encourage your kid to think about their efforts multiplied by 7.7 billion.

      Action is the number one tool to help kids cope with climate anxiety.

      Actions to Help Kids Cope with Climate Anxiety & Save The Environment- Toddlers and Preschoolers

      For the youngest kids, (toddlers and preschoolers) these are easy introductions that will help to start build a habit. Most of these actions will focus on what they can do around the home, because in the toddler, preschool and even early elementary ages, their world isn’t that big.

      • Plant something. The larger the better. But even an herb will do. A tree is great, but the point at the younger ages is an appreciation of nature.
      • If they like pushing the kid-size carts at the store, have them be in charge of their own reusable bag at the store
      • Teach them to put clean or lightly-worn clothes back in their drawers (thus reducing the amount of laundry to-do)
      • Do a garbage pick-up at a local park
      • Have them be in charge of turning off lights when people leave a room
      • Let them help put winterizing caulk in drafty windows (the stuff that’s like a rope of putty)
      • Teach them to recycle
      • Creative Family Fun has a list of ideas of activities for kids who want to save the Earth

      Actions to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety & Save the Environment- Elementary School

      As kids grow, their world view grows. A 4th grader is much more aware of the world around her, and more capable of interacting with it. While building on the ideas above, these ideas will start including other places in their life (school, etc.) and advocacy.

      CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS:

      • Build a rain barrel. Here are 30 ideas for DIY rain barrels, so one is sure to fit your family’s needs!
      • Start identifying and trying to avoid single-use plastics
      • Build- and use- a compost bin (bringing the compost from the kitchen to the bin every night is a great chore!)
      • Have them help with meal-planning/grocery shopping by choosing a meatless meal (or two!) for dinner this week
      • Help them calculate your family’s carbon footprint with an online tool. Brainstorm ways to reduce it; write down your score or take a screenshot, and then compare it 6 months later to see if your efforts are working.
      • Let them walk, bike, or ride the bus to school at least one more day per week than they already are.
      • Ask their school (or church, etc.) to begin a compost program, or to increase their recycling program.
      • Work on delayed gratification. If we all- including adults- practiced more delayed gratification, we could reduce our impulse consumerism drastically.
      • Explore the idea of receiving experiences, like tickets for an event, as gifts, instead of toys or clothing.
      • Take them to thrift stores to purchase gifts for others. I typically take my kids (who’s budget is $1-$3) to the Dollar Store to buy presents for the brothers during Christmastime. We could go to the thrift store instead and achieve the same goal, AND avoid all the carbon emissions that come with making cheap plastic toys.

      Actions to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety and Save the Environment- Middle and High Schoolers

      These steps are going to continue building on the work you’ve already done, and continue with the theme of expanding the size of the world.

      Honestly, for responsible and thoughtful teenagers, (and preteens!) there are no limits to what they can do, and how many people they can influence. See: Greta Thunberg.

      (Side note: if you don’t understand why your kid is up in arms about climate change and experiencing eco-anxiety, watch Greta Thunberg’s speech to the UN. It’s only 4ish minutes long, and is a powerful indictment against business as usual.)

      There are nearly limitless ideas for ways to get involved for this age-group. We’re only limited by our creativity here! So, I broke down the actions into individual steps they could take, and larger scale, or ‘big picture’ ideas.

      INDIVIDUAL CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOLERS & HIGH SCHOOLERS

      • Teach kids to sew so they can mend small holes or rips in clothes
      • Give them permission to bug you to make changes. 
      • Get serious about biking and walking places; organize carpools when the distance is too far.
      • Find a way they can use their skills to fight climate change. How can they contribute with their unique skills? We’re going to need writers, leaders, engineers, teachers, farmers- and more- to solve this! So what angle would engage your kid the most?
      • Teach them to plan, purchase ingredients for, and cook a meatless or zero-waste meal (or two!)

      BIG PICTURE CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOLERS & HIGH SCHOOLERS

      This is the list of actions for teens and pre-teens who want to get involved in protecting the environment on a larger scale. Here are some “big picture” ideas:

      • Encourage them to take political action. Individual changes, while important, aren’t going to be enough to keep us under 1.5 degrees Celsius to prevent irreversible global changes. So, we’re going to need sweeping changes that have to start at the political and/or business level. Some examples are:
        • Participating in climate marches
        • Writing to government representatives- and don’t forget the local and state reps! Big changes can happen on a city or state level!
        • Joining a movement like Sunrise Movement, or faith-based options like The Global Catholic Climate Movement.
        • Voting for candidates who are serious about taking steps to reduce our impact on the climate. (If they’re not 18, and you’re willing to vote on their behalf, teach them to do their research and ask who they’d like you to vote for.)
      • ENCOURAGE THEM TO SHARE NEW IDEAS! This one may be the most important. They are looking at this problem with a fresh set of eyes, and a new perspective. Encourage them to share what solutions they may see, listen, and help them put these ideas into action if possible.

        What Can We Do About Climate Anxiety and Kids?

        As adults, we understand there is a deep urgency to addressing climate change. But it’s absolutely overwhelming to our kids. When we present information in a way like, “Here are the Top 10 Environmental Issues That Should Make You Worry,” (not kidding, a real title of an article from some of the first research I was doing for this post) we aren’t giving our kids the tools they need to cope with climate anxiety.

        Instead, what they end up hearing is, “Things are so out of control that the adults can’t handle it, so yes, you as a 7-year-old should be worrying about this.”

        What we do, and the tone we set as parents deeply matters if we want our kids to be able to cope with climate anxiety, and ultimately be able to DO something about it.

        We can explain the basics, foster an appreciation of the natural world, find cause for hope, and find ways they can take action.

        Because actions always feels better than anxiety.

        Do you think your kid is suffering from climate anxiety? Have you asked? How has climate change affected your family?

               

        What To Do If You Think Your Child Has A Learning Disability

        School just started back up, and you’re realizing this year that homework is now a nightmare for your kid. There are nightly tears about homework, and you’re starting to just feel drained from it all.

        Or maybe your kid wouldn’t mind doing math sheets all night, if that just meant they didn’t have to do their nightly reading.

        It’s obvious that for whatever reason, your kid needs help learning. You think it might be a learning disability, or would at least like to rule that out. You may even have narrowed it down, and are able to voice a specific concern like, “I think my kid might be dyslexic.”

        Or maybe you’re just trying to figure out how to help your struggling student.

        So how do you get help if your child has a learning disability? 

        Where do you go from here? You’ve read all about the signs and symptoms of learning disorders like dyscalculia, and dysgraphia.

        But how do you get from reading all this information, to actually putting school interventions in place?

        Here are a few steps you can take to go from having this be a suspicion of yours, to getting your child some real help in school.

        1. Gather Your Evidence/Concerns

        The first step to figuring out if your child has a learning disability is to put it in writing.  Are you concerned about a learning problem, or a behavior problem? Both? Is one of the primary?

        (It’s very common for one to mask the other. For example, if I child has dyslexia and is struggling to read, they may act out in class- either out of frustration, shame, or as a distraction.)

        [bctt tweet=”It’s common for behavior problems in school to mask learning disabilities.” prompt=”tell a friend”]

        What exactly are you seeing that concerns you? Be specific. For example, don’t be vague like, “Eva spent way too long on her homework every single night this week.”

        Keeping notes like, “Eva cried for 20 minutes before starting her homework, saying things like, “I’m too dumb for this,” and then it took her 45 minutes to finish 10 math problems. She got 2 correct.”

        2. Talk To The Teacher 

        Let me be clear- you are speaking with the teacher to gather his or her observations- NOT to get their blessing about whether or not you’ll continue pursuing this. It’s especially important to remember this if you have a teacher who’s dismissive of the idea that your child needs additional support.

        But generally, the teachers are a wealth of information. They’ll tell you what reading or math group your kid is in, and how much extra help they’ve been needing.

        They might even surprise you and say, “Oh yeah, I was planning to bring that up at our next parent-teacher conference.”

        You’ll also want to ask if they’re using any interventions already.

        3. Schedule an evaluation with the school psych. 

        Using the information you’ve gathered, you need to call the school and schedule an eval. It’s a critical step in getting an answer to the question of, “Does my kid have a learning disability?”

        Just say something like, “I believe that my kid is having a problem with math, and would like her to be evaluated for a learning problem” and they’ll be able to take if from there.

        YOU don’t have to have to pre-diagnose your child, you just need to clearly state the concern.

        4. Wait for the eval/results. 

        This may be the hardest part. Try to just breathe, and remember that your kid is still the same person that you love and think is amazing, whether or not they have a diagnosis of dyscalculia or not.

        Once the results come back, decide if they make sense to you. Did they test the area you were concerned about? Did they treat your family with fairness and respect?

        In short, do you think the school psychologist got a clear and unbiased look at your child’s abilities?

        From here, you have two choices: One, accept the result and work towards a plan. Two, seek a second opinion.

        Also, even if the school said your kid doesn’t have a learning disability, that doesn’t mean you can’t create a plan to help your kid! You can develop one on your own; there are plenty of ways to address learning problems at home.

        5. (Optional) Seek a second opinion.

        If you don’t think the evaluation accurately represented your kid’s abilities, you can seek a second opinion.

        Be warned, in the US, this is likely to get expensive because now you’re going to be looking for a private psychologist or group to do the testing. Which means you’re more than likely going to have to pay out of pocket.

        It’s obviously up to you, but keep in mind that this should only be a one-time cost that you have to deal with, if that helps make this an easier pill to swallow..

        6. Create a plan. 

        If your child received a diagnosis of learning disability, ask the professional for a plan to address this before you walk out of the room/get off the phone. At the very least, schedule a meeting to follow-up on this.

        Additional tutoring, a 504 plan, an IEP, or behavioral counseling are all options for your kid that you may want to explore.

        If this is your first venture into the world of IEP, my friend Laurie has written a wonderful explanation of The IEP Process for Parents. Even if you’ve dealt with IEPs or 504s before, it’s worth a refresher!

        Keeping the Team Accountable

        I always like to keep a ‘paper’ trail, so even if you talk on the phone or in person, you can send a quick email as a follow-up. “Just to summarize, we talked about Johnny’s school performance, and potential learning disabilities, and your thoughts were… and my thoughts were…” That type of thing.

        If you’re like me, and your brain is colander on the best of days, this is also a nice way to make sure you have everything in one place when it’s time to re-evaluate.

        Make sure to re-evaluate the diagnosis and results from time to time. Every quarter, report card, or just at the end of the school year are all times that make sense to do this. IEP meetings are only required to be held annually, but as the parent it’s your right to request more, if needed.

        So, what do you do if you think your child has a learning disability? 

        It’s straight-forward- don’t ignore your gut feeling! You know your child better than anyone else. You’ve got the tools you need, now it’s time to be strong and advocate for them!

        Let me know if you’re running into any roadblocks- I’m always happy to brainstorm solutions with people! 

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        Impulse Control Activities for Teens

        This is Part 3 of a series about impulse control for kids and teens. Click on the links for Parts 1, 2 and 4.

        Impulse Control is an Essential Skill to Develop

        But I don’t need to convince you. MOST parents I talk to are already way on board with wanting to help their kid, tween or teen gain impulse-control (or self-control) skills. But actually helping our teens learn impulse control skills is a much different task. Talking about it, telling them they need more impulse control, and lectures won’t get us anywhere. The best way to teach is through specifically designed impulse control activities for teens, tweens and big kids.

        Tips for Parents Before Teaching Impulse Control Activities For Teens

        Before you dive in- whenever you’re working with a teenager, you need to know it’s a two way street. We still have to prepare ourselves as parents, even more than when they were younger. I have a couple of suggestions to help ensure that once you get to the point of actually implementing these impulse control activities for teens things will go more smoothly.

        1. Have Realistic Expectations

        Don’t set the bar too high, but don’t set it too low, either. If you know what they’re currently capable of, your expectation should be 1 or maybe 2 steps beyond that. Also, understand that there will always be some low-level impulsive ‘stuff’ to their personality. Yes, it may drive you crazy, but try not to get bogged down by the little things.

        2. Use Routines to your advantage

        You can initially reduce some of the need for impulse control by using routines. These are people who desperately need routines and structure. When your brain is acting like a pinball machine, structure is a safe place to rest; even if your teen seems resistant to it at first. If you’re on a diet, (which takes an immense amount of impulse control) you would set yourself up for success by removing the treats from your house, and planning out your meals. Give your teens the same benefit with routine in their life! Just because they’re impulsive, doesn’t mean they need- or even want- everything to be spontaneous.

        3. Give Extra Support to the Extra Challenging Times

        If you can, create extra structure around a particularly stressful time of day (or event- like exams) to help find more peace. Is getting to school on time a challenge? Implement a routine for night that includes making sure clothes are laid out, homework- and anything else they need- is already in the backpack, etc.

        4. Get Their Buy-In

        When you’re working with a teen, you need their buy-in to implement change. Find the common ground during a calm moment. For example, “Can we both agree that there’s too much fighting in the mornings before school?” Instead of “You’re always running late, and it’s not ok.” Maybe your teen has some ideas about what would help them be on time? If you give them the time and space to open up, you might be surprised how insightful they are!

        5. Pick One Area to Work On at A Time

        Have you ever had a big project going on at work, while you’re trying to stay on a very strict diet, and you’re also not spending money because you’re on a tight budget?  It’s completely overwhelming to focus on so many things, and share your attention span and impulse control over so many facets of your life. Classwork, peers, girl/boyfriends, jobs, parents, and extracurriculars are all vying for that limited amount of impulse control.  So, from where I’m standing, you have two choices for deciding which area to start with. Option 1– Where is impulse-control getting your kid into trouble the most? Are they interrupting, or wandering, or chronically late? Choose one topic, and if you can, break it down even smaller, like working on not interrupting your teachers (we’ll get to parents later). Think of it as ‘niching down.’ Option 2– Where will you be able to make the biggest impact the quickest? Will simply making sure the homework actually gets back to school be the biggest difference maker? You could choose to focus on that first.

        6. Understand They Will Still Need Your Help

        Teens are doing everything they can to gain more and more independence- which is completely developmentally appropriate! So I understand that it feels incongruent to say that they need even more help right now. But when we give them a new task to try, they’re going to need our support. If they have support, they’ll be more successful, which will give them more confidence, which will make them want to continue on their own. Once they’re confident in the task, you can peel back some of your support- layer by layer.

        7. Practice, Practice, Practice

        Impulse control is best compared to a muscle, and not a set of knowledge. You can’t go to the gym once a month, or even once a week, and really expect to grow stronger. This isn’t something that can be taught once, and then you expect them to know how to do it. It will take consistent work, for a lifetime, to grow and keep the impulse control ‘muscles’ strong.

        8. Be A Good Role-Model

        The need to continue practicing impulse control extends into our adult lives. So be the best role-model you can! If you can’t be perfect, (and no one expects you to be!) talk about it with your kid. You can even check out ideas for improving your own impulse control.

        Life Skills to Improve Impulse Control

        So, now that you have your teen’s buy-in, let’s talk about what skills actually make a difference in improving impulse control. Then we’ll get to translating those skills into actual impulse control activities for teens.

        First, teenagers need to continue in their emotional, mental and social development. As they continue developing, the brain matures through experience and they can start to feel some of the regret, and see the social consequences of poor impulse control. And with greater mental development, they will gain the ability to think about different behaviors that would lead to different outcomes.

        Second, we need to help them with their stress-reduction skills. Think about when you’re most likely to break your diet and have that dessert, or glass of wine, you told yourself you wouldn’t. It’s not when you’re calm and in control. It’s when you’re feeling stressed out, and out of control. Most teens experience a tremendous amounts of stress, so giving them better stress-reduction techniques can help improve impulse control in the same way it can help you stick to a diet, etc.

        Third, we can help our teenagers develop mindfulness. This goes hand in hand with stress-reduction. But by learning mindfulness, too, they can start sensing their body’s physical cues about when stress and impulses are about to take over. Mindfulness is excellent for helping overall regulation. If you think of your teen as a car, that would be the care and maintenance part. It’s also great for quick stress-reduction, which addresses ’emergency repairs.’

        Fourth, we need to give them concrete problem-solving skills. To a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If we haven’t taught our teens to respond in a different way when a problem arises, they will continue with the same problematic (impulsive) behavior from the past. We need to give them the tools to be able to step-back, analyze, and solve a problem.

        Lastly, we need to provide them opportunities to practice delayed gratification. The need for instant gratification can get teens into a lot of trouble. Unprotected sex, verbal outbursts, physical aggression, and using drugs are all things people do because they ‘wanted to’ or because it felt like the right thing at the time. If you’re asking, “Why did you do that?” and getting responses like, “I don’t know,” “just because,” or “because I wanted to,” chances are you’re dealing with a teen with very little ability to tolerate delayed gratification.

        Impulse Control Activities for Teens

        I’ll break these activities down by life-skill. Many of these skills may seem basic to you as an adult, but your teen may need a reminder to use the new tools in their toolbox. Gentle, friendly reminders are going to help them create routines and new, positive habits. But they won’t be able to do it without you. New habits can take at least 28 days to build, but they can fall apart quicker than that through sporadic use.

        1. Emotional, Mental and Social Development

        • Organized sports/activities/clubs
        • Keep a journal; reflect on when you were able to exhibit impulse control, and when you were not. What did you mean to happen?
        • Have a few pre-planned responses to help ward off peer pressure
        • For teens with trouble regulating time, use a planner with hour (or even half hour) time slots. Build in timers and routines for filling out the planner and referencing it. (Read about more time management tips for teens here.)

        2. Stress-Reduction Techniques

        • Take a shower
        • Have a mantra or Bible passage memorized. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NRSV) is a personal favorite, but a quick Google or Pinterest search will help you find many more.
        • Write out the things you are, and are NOT in control of.
        • Practice deep breathing.
        • Dance
        • Physical activity
        • Blowing bubbles
        • Coloring
        • Journaling

        3. Developing Mindfulness

        • Practice yoga, meditation, or even just controlled breathing
        • Identify  which situations are most likely to get you in trouble, then work backwards. What feelings do you have before it? What events precede it? Are you misreading situations? (Also applies to Continued Development and Problem-Solving Skills.)
        • Use the “Stop, think, go” technique when you start to have feelings that indicate impulsivity.

        4. Problem-solving Skills

        • Understand problem areas, and develop a few planned responses
        • Practice breaking problems down into smaller chunks
        • Ask for help
        • Make a plan
        • Step back, and come back to the problem later with fresh eyes

        5. Practicing Delayed Gratification

        • Plan and budget for a special purchase
        • Gardening
        • Long-term (start with 1-2 weeks, and build from there) crafts or projects.
        • Large puzzles

        Bonus- Activities for Impulsive Interrupting/Verbal Outbursts

        If these techniques are mainly going to be used in a classroom setting, your teen may want to talk to their teachers, or you could send a quick email to let them know what’s going on, so your kid doesn’t feel pressured or rushed. I would recommend practicing this at home to the point where your teen is comfortable before bring this to school, though.

        • Before talking, practice taking a deep breath, and taking that extra second to consider the response.
        • Practice literally talking slower.
        • ‘Parrot’ back the question. Try not to repeat word for word, but state your understanding. “So, you’re asking if…” This one take a lot of practice.
        • Use imagery to help. Imagine a zipper on your mouth. Or, imagine your mouth is stuffed full of marshmallows, and you can only respond with 1 or 2 words.

        Removing the Layers of Support

        Your support is critical to your teen. If they try to push you away, or act like the don’t want or need your help, just remember that they’re doing their developmental job. It also probably means you need some more buy-in from them.

        Once they have developed the routine, you can slowly remove some of your supports. But think of it like Jenga- things don’t go well if you just take 10 pieces at once out of the base. But if you slowly and strategically remove blocks from the bottom, you can be left with something that stands stronger and taller than when you started.

        If you’ve been left feeling drained, exhausted, and out of ideas, sign up for the newsletter! I will help build you back up, through encouragement, new tips, and by being someone to bounce ideas off of. I hope to hear from you soon!

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