Create An After School Routine For ADHD

Why Create An After School Routine For ADHD Kids?

Think of it this way: Your ADHD child is like a 2-liter bottle of soda-pop.

They’ve been shaken up all day at school and they’re ready to burst. You can see the plastic seams by the cap starting to expand pull apart because they want to just explode!

Everything they went through at school today- from playing with equally energetic friends to sitting still for teachers to trying their hardest to focus on a lesson- has shaken that little pop bottle more and more. And the pressure inside that plastic bottle is immense.

Without any plan in place to help them calm down, or release the pressure slowly and evenly, they will burst.

And it won’t be pretty.

Of course, some days they’ll burst before they even get home. And some days it’ll be the safety of your arms that lets them relax enough to feel safe ‘exploding’ with you.

It’s not fun for them, either. To be so out of control. To be feeling like they can’t contain themselves, and can’t put themselves back together.

So, back to the question, why would you create an after-school routine for a kid with ADHD? Because you both deserve better.

Benefits of an After School Routine for Kids With ADHD

There are so many benefits of having a strong routine or structure in your home. Especially for kids with ADHD, or lack of focus, or impulse control problems!

It can seem counter-intuitive, but kids continue to need structure when they come home from school (they seem like they need to just ‘be free’ after having structure all day). Having a predictable schedule when they come home from school can provide a smooth transition and a sense of security and safety.

Second, structure helps limit the impact of distractions and helps by pre-setting priorities throughout the day. Which are two major problems kids with poor impulse control struggle with.

So, having a before and after-school routine helps establish some guidelines for kids, and helps narrow their focus. They don’t lose time in the morning wondering if they should get dressed first, or eat breakfast first, or maybe just go ahead and turn on the TV because they’re overwhelmed and distracted by all the thoughts bumping around in their mind.

Questions & Myths About After School Routines for Kids with ADHD

Won’t it make home feel like school? Or a jail?

Structure isn’t restrictive. Think of no structure as a blank page, and structure as a coloring book. But, you’re not limited to just the picture with a coloring book; you can improvise, add things in the white space, or just color in the lines. The blank page can seem free-ing, but many kids freeze when given a blank page with zero instruction.

I’m already really busy, and this seems like an additional task I just can’t take on

It’s not hard to put a structure into place. And the nice thing is you can do it bit by bit! It’s one of those things in life where a little bit of work up-front makes your life so much easier in the long run.

I don’t want to nag my kid about one. more. thing.

If your teen or kid is struggling with impulse control, you’re already reminding them a million times a day to do (or not do) a bajillion different things. Giving your kid a routine will NOT increase what you’re reminding them about- it will give structure and predictability to what you’re telling them to do. For example, in the morning, instead of shouting, “Turn off the TV! Did you brush your hair? And your teeth? And change your underwear? Is your bed made? Did you eat breakfast?” you can use the morning routine to help trigger all those behaviors. AND, it’ll help your child learn some basic task management!

**This seems like something that other families do. It wouldn’t work at my house.**

First, your family CAN do this. Second- if your reasoning is that you’re too busy, you work outside the home, you have more kids than those other imaginary families, or your kid has worse ADHD, or whatever other reason makes it harder for your family to do have a schedule- I’d argue that you NEED this at your house even more. You are more than strong enough and smart enough to use a before-school and after-school routine in your home.

How to create a routine that works for your ADHD Child

There are a couple ways to go about creating a routine. For example, it can be a daily, or a weekly, routine. IE, every day at 4 I do my homework, or every Saturday morning I do my chores. However, if you’re working with a kid who has a challenge focusing, you’re more likely to have success if you start with a daily schedule.

My best suggestion is to focus on one time of the day, and avoid starting with your most challenging time. So, if the mornings are your toughest time with your kid or teen, starting with the nightly routine would make the most sense, and get you the most traction. You want to make this easy for yourself and your child!

Start with small successes and build from there!

Printable Daily & Weekly Chart for Bedtime, Before School, and After School Routines

I have a printable daily schedule template for you to use. It’s divided into three sections- morning (for before school routines), afternoon (for after-school schedules) and evening (for bedtime routines).

There’s a page of this PDF that can be used for a whole week, or you can take things day-by-day with the daily page. For kids who get overwhelmed easily, or who have a lot going on, the daily chart is a great option.

I have a few suggestions to help get your brain going for creating routines that work for your family.

Morning Ideas/Before-School Routines:

A set wake-up time
No TV or screens in the morning
A consistent order of responsibilities (have the same pattern every day: wake-up, brush teeth, get dressed, make bed, eat breakfast)
Include a healthy breakfast
Lay everything out the night before; clothes, shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes, coats/mittens, etc.
Use a certain playlist to cue the fact that it’s morning routine time.

Afternoon Ideas/After-School Routines:

Have a healthy snack prepped for when kids get home
Make outside play-time mandatory (There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing!) There’s a critical link between physical activity and a kid’s physical and mental health.
Use a scheduled/established homework time, when you can plan to stay close.
Work with your child’s teacher(s) to see if you can have a reasonable time-limit on homework. Some teachers go by a general guideline of 10 minutes per grade level. For example, a 3rd grader wouldn’t be expected to do more than 30 minutes of homework per night.
Have a reward (family time, playtime, a certain toy/activity becomes available) after homework.

Evening Ideas/Bedtime Routines:

Don’t forget about a solid nightly routine for your kid or teen! Set yourself up for success in the morning by making sure you have a well-rested kid.

Have some screen-free wind-down time. They can calm down by reading books, playing puzzles, or coloring.
Layout everything for the next morning
Have the same routine daily; it will start triggering their brain that it’s about time for sleep if you can help them be consistent.
Use scents or a warm shower/bath to your advantage.
Make bedtime rewarding by having it be a time you read a special book to them, or when you do snuggles, or a special ‘tuck-in’ routine.
Make sure phones/tablets/computers are charging in a different room overnight. Remove the temptation to get back out of bed!
Optional- Talk to your pediatrician about if melatonin is a good option for your kid.

Kids Thrive With Structure

Give your kid the comfort of having a before and after school routine. It’s important for all kids, but possibly even more so for kids with ADHD.

Even a loose structure or routine can help you all have a sense of order, peace, and security. Kids need to know what to expect next, and you can play a critical role in that by providing routine.

Please, share in the comments below, what’s been the best benefit for you in having a nightly, morning, or after school routine for ADHD?

Impulse Control Workbook PDF

Help your teen or older kid learn the steps to developing better impulse control with this free workbook!

Living with Impulsive Kids?

So, you’ve been waiting for the day when your kid is in-tune enough with themselves to begin to take some real responsibility for their impulse control. And it’s finally here!

The only problem is that you have no idea where to get started.

Managing impulse control can look a bit like climbing a mountain when you’re getting started. It looks giant and imposing, and you might have no clue where to start.

But, just as with climbing a mountain, the path starts with putting one foot in front of the other. If you’re ready to start this journey with your kid, the Impulse Control Workbook is here to guide you!

I can’t promise it will be easy, but it will be sooooo worth it. Because the view from the top is amazing!

Who Is The Impulse Control Workbook For?

The workbook was designed for parents with kids who are struggling with impulse control. In short, it’s for parents:

Who want to help their kid develop more control over their impulsive behavior
With children who may or may not have a diagnosis of ADHD
Who have a teen or older kid who is capable of recognizing their impulsiveness
With a kid who has an identifiable problem with impulse control (ie: there is a certain area(s) of their life where their lack of impulse control is causing a problem, like blurting out answers in class, or not listening to directions at home)
Who are dreaming of a more peaceful, cohesive home
Who want their teen or older kid to have the tools to succeed, in the classroom and at life
And, who are determined to make a difference in their kid’s life.

What’s In The “Impulse Control Workbook” PDF?

This 7-page workbook takes a 3 step process to help teens (and older kids) develop greater self-control.

Section 1- Tips for Parents

The first section helps set the stage for you as the parent. In it, you’ll learn what it takes to become prepared to teach impulse control to your teen. The goal is to set you up for success, and reduce the amount of frustration and hopelessness you may feel on this journey.

Section 2- Life Skills

Next, in the second section, impulse control is broken down by category. There are different life skills that every person needs to mature into an emotionally healthy adult, like delayed gratification and stress management. Looking at impulse control through this lens helps clearly identify your teen’s strengths and weaknesses. And once you identify the life skills they need to develop better impulse control, you can zero in on how to best help them.

Section 3- Impulse Control Activities for Teens (and Older Kids!)

Lastly, this leads us to section 3- activities for impulse control for teens. This section lists out simple activities that can lead to better self-control. It’s broken down by life-skill, so they can personalize what activities make the most sense for them to work on!

Here are 2 “sneak peak” pages of the Impulse Control Workbook!

Grab Your Copy of the Impulse Control Workbook Now

Get your FREE download by using the sign-up form below.

There are no strings attached, and you have nothing to lose!

Impulse Control Techniques PDF

Use the Impulse Control Techniques PDF below to jump-start your kid’s self-control and impulse control skills!

Although kids with ADHD are most associated with having a lack of impulse control, (and for good reason- it’s a defining factor of the diagnosis!) ALL kids need to develop their impulse control ‘muscles.’

Impulse control isn’t something that comes naturally to many kids. And it’s something we are still working on as adults! (Think about the last time you walked past the candy jar. Or how many times you can go into Target and ONLY get the things on your list. I’m just saying, the struggle is real.)

If you’ve noticed that your kid tends to interrupt, has trouble listening to directions, or generally seems to act without thinking, these are all signs of under-developed impulse control. But it’s never too late to help your kids strengthen those impulse control muscles!

Try Out The Impulse Control Techniques PDF

This free printable is a great place to begin. You’ll get new ideas for impulse control activities for kids- that you can do today! And you’ll have a place where both you and your kid can learn about how to recognize and label the feeling of impulsivity. That’s a critical step in learning to control impulses

How to Use the “Impulse Control Techniques PDF”

You’ll notice there are 2 sections to this printable. The technique we’re using here is stunningly simple, but so effective. First, identify the problem. Second, put actions in to place to improve the problem. So let’s briefly go over each step!

1. Label and Recognize the Feelings

The first step here is to call-out and label what impulse control looks like in your kid’s life. By recognizing times when they are good at resisting impulses, and times that they are not, you can help identify their strengths and then carry those throughout the rest of their day.

2. Activities to Build Stronger Impulse Control Muscles

Now that they know what that impulsive feeling is, you’ll need to help your kid strengthen their impulse control muscles. Your kid needs a chance to slowly build up these skills. It’s not a light switch; self-regulation and self-control takes time to improve. But you can have fun getting there with these impulse control activities for kids!

Start Addressing Impulse Control Today

If you’ve been concerned about your kid’s impulse control, try starting with the activities on this impulse control printable. Get your FREE download by using the sign-up form below.

11 Impulse Control Games You’ll Want To Play With Your Kid

Impulse Control Games You’ll Want To Play With Your Kid

Disclaimer- I am a member of the Amazon affiliates program. Should you make a purchase, I will receive a small commission at no additional cost to you.

HOW DO YOU HELP A CHILD WITH IMPULSE CONTROL?

If you really want to make a dramatic impact on your kid’s ability for impulse control, it’s something you’re going to need to work on every day.

But, a kid’s job is to play. Working on their ‘stuff’ should never feel like work. If it does, you’re doing it wrong.

So to help with that, I’ve compiled a list of board games to help keep it fun. There are some classics, but there are also some I promise you haven’t heard of before!

If board games realllly aren’t your thing, read about these fun activities for better impulse control!

Incorporating Impulse Control Games Into Your Life

Here are some great ways to seamlessly incorporate these games into your life. After all, if won’t do you any good if your kids are suspicious about why you’re suddenly shoving board games in their face.

1. Add It to Your Game Rotation

If you’re already a board game type family, this should come easily! Just swap out a few games you’re already playing. Or add a few of these to your rotation of favorites.

2. Family Game Night

If you’re not big on board games in your house, try implementing a family game night. You could have Friday Family Funday! Not only is the alliteration great, it’s helpful to already have a plan for Friday night since you’ll probably be exhausted from the week. (I know I am!) Throw in a frozen pizza or two, and bam! A new family ritual is born!

3. Alternative to Screen-Time

You can also use these games an alternative to screens. Many of these games won’t require parental involvement after the first round or two (although that probably won’t stop your kids from asking you to play non-stop!). That makes it the perfect alternative to suggest when your kid’s ask if they can turn on the tv or tablet. Some of these would make a good quiet-time activity, too, if you still have little ones who nap during the day.

4. Get Kids Moving On A Rainy Day

Lastly, some of these impulse control games will get your kid up and moving- in a controlled way. It’s ideal for rainy days, days when you’re stuck inside, or maybe the entire winter season!

What Makes It An Impulse Control Game?

In order to call it an “impulse control game” (a category I might have just invented!), I’m looking for something that will give your kid that tiny moment of frustration. But the game needs to balance that with being so much fun that your kid actually wants to take that deep breath and continue.

Alternatively, it could be something that strengthens their endurance for attention (here’s looking at you, puzzles and Taco, Cat, Goat, Cheese, Pizza). Or something that makes them maintain control of their bodies (like Bounce-off and Twister). I’m not necessarily looking for it to be a learning game full of strategy and decision-making.

Games that can help kids improve their impulse control and self-control

Category 1: The Classics

1. Operation

Operation is one of those classic games that hits that sweet spot of being fun and exciting, but will force your kid to take a deep breath to steady their body if they want to avoid setting off the buzzer! If you really want to kick this up a notch, to your kids, pick-up a version that speaks to their special interest. There are options, like a Chewbacca/Star Wars, Trolls, and even Despicable Me!

2. Twister

This is another great classic game that requires full-body control! It’s also a great winter/rainy day game because it’ll help their need for movement! Kids under the age of 6 could probably play the game if you were flexible about their ability to actually reach their body across the board.

3. Jenga

Jenga is the last impulse control game in the classics category. Don’t let the simplicity of the game fool you into thinking it can’t teach impulse control! Part of it’s beauty is how easy the rules are to follow, so your kid can focus on trying to not knock the tower over. For a bonus, you need to perform two controlled movements- one to remove the block and one to replace the block- per turn. Perfect for teaching self-regulation!

Category 2: For Younger Kids (ages 4-6)

4. Silly Street

Silly Street is for ages 4 and up. It’s a blast to play, with lots of silly shenanigans for even the youngest player. I think you could definitely have fun with this one, even with younger siblings, though. On vacation, we even had a 2-year-old join in (on a kid-parent team; but still!).

It’s positives are that it’s a straightforward game to play, it doesn’t last forever! It’s a great game for impulse control because kids have to wait for their turn to come back around, and they may get cards they don’t like, etc. It also helps develop focus because you need to pay attention- but it’s so fun your kid’s won’t even notice their gaining some awesome skills!

5. Rhino Hero

This game is a blast for the family. It’s essentially a building game, where you use cards to build up a tower so that the very brave and heroic rhinos can climb up! It’s great for kids with ADHD (and even kids who struggle with their sense of proprioception) because it requires body control, dexterity and spatial awareness. It’s also the winner of the Major Fun! Award, the Mr. Dad Seal of Approval, and the PTPA (Parent Tested – Parent Approved)!

Magic Labyrinth, by Drei Magler Spiele. Ages 6+

6. Magic Labyrinth

Magic Labyrinth is a magical board game that elementary AND middle schoolers will love. There are varying levels of difficulty, which makes it versatile enough for the whole family to enjoy. The goal is to collect objects while going through a hidden maze. It’s the perfect game for impulse control because kids have to slow down since their memory will be tested in this game. Dealing with (literal) obstacles in their way is a nice challenge, too!

7 . Qwirkle

Qwirkle is an awesome game for developing impulse control! Even though it’s playable for younger kids, the strategy and skill make it (in my opinion) more fun to play for older kids. It promotes flexible thinking, future planning, and adjusting on the fly (like if someone ‘steals’ the move they planned). A great skill set for ANYONE to learn!

Category 3: Older Kids (Ages 7+)

8. Bounce-Off

Bounce-Off is a combo of ping pong and Connect 4. It’s lots of fun, and they won’t even notice the effort they’re putting in to control their bodies to give the ball a controlled bounce. This game is about skill instead of strategy, so it puts parents and kids on a fairly even playing field. Bounce-Off gets everyone up and moving, so it might be a good game for the kid who doesn’t like board games. It’s also a great party game that even your older middle schoolers and high schoolers will enjoy playing with their friends!

9. Suspend

Suspend requires LOTS of body control. The rules are simple, but the technique is tricky! You have to keep placing the bent (rubber-tipped) wires on the structure, without knocking it all over! Perfect for kids with ADHD since it’ll help develop their strategic thinking, hand-eye coordination, and logic. There’s even a Junior version for ages 4+ if your younger kids are intrigued by it!

Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza, by DolphinHat Games. Ages 8+

10. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza

Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza isn’t a new, weird flavor of pizza; it’s a hilarious and fast-paced card game! There’s so much movement and action that your kid won’t even notice that they’re mastering their impulses on every turn. (Seriously, it’s harder than you think to identify a taco when someone tells you with conviction that it’s a goat! I dare you not to flinch!) Bonus: It’s a quick game, so you won’t be stuck playing it forever. And it’s tons of fun for adults, too!

Category 4: Puzzles

11. Puzzles

Puzzles deserve to be their own category. There are so many different levels of puzzles, so it’s a good option for all ages. And they offer so many benefits!

They promote visual motor planning, concentration, attention to detail, and can even help with centering yourself and calming down!

Your youngest kids can start with 12 piece wooden puzzles, like the ones by Melissa & Doug, or with giant floor puzzles covered in characters they love. From there you can work up to 60 or 100 piece sets!

Then the sky’s the limit! 500 piece puzzles (or larger) are great for families to work on together and come back to. Or even if you want to set it up as an ongoing project- I know several families that love to have a puzzle going during the winter months, especially. Just grab a puzzle mat or card table and you’re good to go!

Bonus: Make Up Your Own Game

You can even encourage your kids to create their own board game for family game night! Give them some poster board and art supplies and watch their creativity flow!

Impulse Control Games for the Win!

There are so many board games that will help develop better impulse control in your kid! From the classics, to ones for preschoolers, all the way to high schoolers. Board games don’t have to be tedious anymore!

Commit to helping your kid, and commit to making it fun! How will you- routinely- incorporate games to help impulse control into your life? Which one sounded like the most fun? If you have other suggestions for games that have worked for your family, share your ideas in the comment section!

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ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder

ADHD And Sensory Processing Disorder

Where To Turn

It’s been getting worse. Every day is a ‘bad day’ now. And it’s exhausting.

You monitor behaviors. You follow the direction of all the therapists and doctors. Meds are never missed. But something is still off.

You love your kid. But they’re a puzzle to figure out. A solution can work one day, and cause a fit the next. Your head is swimming trying to remember everything you’ve done before to see if it was successful, or if you could tweak it somehow.

And it’s all coming at you so fast right now. You can hardly deal with one crisis before the next one comes banging down your door. You’re not even getting a chance to take a breather. Let alone time to think!

What if it’s not getting better because you’re treating the wrong thing?

ADHD And Sensory Processing Disorder

If you’ve been treating your kid for ADHD, but not getting much traction, you owe it to yourself to learn more about Sensory Processing Disorder. Specifically, sensory seeking behavior.

ADHD and Sensory seeking can look very similar. They share some of the same behaviors. And there is even a huge amount of overlap of people who have both ADHD and sensory issues.

Is ADHD a sensory disorder?

The short answer is no. But there’s a lot of overlap between the two, so it’s easy to see why you may think that. They are two separate entities, though. So, let’s start by clarifying the two things.

ADHD is a mental health disorder. It’s caused by imbalances in the brain. It is recognized by most psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists as a mental illness, and can be treated by both medication and talk therapy.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder. It is not in the current diagnostic manual (DSM 5) for mental health professionals, and therefore they generally would not be able to accurately identify or diagnose SPD.

Research has not determined the exact cause of SPD. The current understanding is that the brain has trouble processing sensory input from a person’s environment. It can be either over, or under, responsive. And this is how you end up with people who are either sensory-avoiding or sensory-seeking.

Although these are distinct diagnosis, and each has unique defining characteristics, there IS a large percentage of people with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder.

Common Symptoms of ADHD

Since people tend to be more familiar with ADHD, they tend to think they’re also familiar with what it looks like and the associated behaviors.

But that can be dangerous! You can see the danger when teachers, other parents, and even just people on the street may try to diagnose your kid based on one or two classic symptoms.

So here is a list of some of the classic behaviors you would see in a kid with ADHD. For a complete list, grab the printable.

Symptoms of ADHD in Kids

• Rushes through work and make careless mistakes

• Will not pay attention to detail, or only listens to the first half of the directions

• Will start ‘fun’ tasks but has trouble finishing them

• Doesn’t want to do tasks that require lots of trying, or ‘sustained mental effort’

• Has poor time management skills; over or underestimates how much time it takes to do something or get somewhere, or doesn’t have a good sense of what time it actually is.

• Has challenges with sequential activities, or knowing what to do next, even with daily routines

• Doesn’t appear to be listening, even if you’re talking directly to them

• Mind wanders freely and easily

*Make sure to grab this printable checklist for Sensory Processing Disorder! That way you can take your time to think it over and observe your child in a new context!

What does it mean to have sensory issues?

It just means that a person has trouble processing one or more of their senses. They’re either under-stimulated by their senses, and seeking more input. (Another, less discussed option is that they’re oversensitive to certain senses and feeling overwhelmed by the input.)

One of the easiest ways to think of SPD is on a spectrum. Sensory avoiding would be on one far end, and sensory seeking would be on the other end. Sensory balance would be the center point.

Note- I’m not an OT, so this is a super-simplified explanation

Everyone in the world needs to process sensory information, so everyone is somewhere on this continuum. When someone struggles to process all their sensory input, that means they have “sensory issues.” You’ll often hear people say they (or their kid) have sensory problems or sensory issues. Usually, this is because A) it’s easier to discuss without sounding medical, or B) because their child hasn’t received the full diagnosis of SPD.

What are the types of sensory disorders?

While there aren’t different types of sensory disorders, people may have challenges with any of their seven senses. WHAT?! 7?! Yup- I typed that correctly!

Most people are already very familiar with the first 5 senses- sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. But there are 2 MORE!

• Vestibular– This sense deals with movement and balance.

• Proprioceptive– This is about where your body awareness and where you are in space.

And then you throw into the mix whether your kid is sensory seeking or sensory avoiding.

• Sensory Seeking– These kids are under-stimulated by the senses. They appear to always crave MORE. More movement, more noise, more things to chew on, more spinning, more touching (or just plain old crashing).

• Sensory Avoiding– They are over-stimulated by the senses around them. These are kids who appear to try and block things out. They may put their hands over their ears, or complain about brightness, or avoid swings and slides.

• Sensory Disregarder– There is also the possibility that your kid is under-responsive to sensations. It sounds similar to sensory seeking, but is a separate category although it’s not talked about nearly as much. These are kids who don’t seem to respond to their sensory environment. They may look “clumsy” or “slumpy” or withdrawn.

So, there is only one Sensory Processing Disorder, but it could appear in many, many ways. You could have any combination of seeking, avoiding, or disregarding with any of the 7 senses.

Can a child be sensory seeking and avoiding?

Yes! Of course! Is anything with your kid straight-forward?! Sorry to let you know, but that trend isn’t going to change now!

Kids can process each of their senses in different ways, so it’s completely possible for them to be a Seeker and Avoider.

For example, a kid might be easily overstimulated by light but under-stimulated by their vestibular system. It is possible for a kid to have different responses to different senses. AND, fun fact, it’s totally possible for a kid to be averse to sounds, but still be the loudest kid you know.

Sensory Seeking vs. ADHD

I have a comprehensive printable Sensory Processing Disorder checklist that you can use to check out which senses your kid may need more- or less- of! And, bonus, I’ve included the checklist of ADHD symptoms so you can compare!

Remember, you can’t fix what you don’t understand.

You’ll get a good idea of different signs of sensory issues, and if your kid is showing sensory seeking behaviors and/or ADHD. I’ve included different ideas for both seeking and avoiding behaviors for the 7 senses.

Personally, I didn’t see the sensory issues in my kids until I saw them listed out in front of my face. Maybe you don’t need to be hit over the head with things (like me!) but I would definitely encourage you to take a look! In any case, it’s nice to rule something out.

Can Sensory Processing Disorder Be Outgrown?

No. But I totally get why this is an enduring myth. I mean, you don’t see many adults walking around having sensory melt-downs because their tag is itchy or the sun is too bright or the music in the car is too loud. But that’s because- over the decades- we’ve learned our triggers and have developed coping mechanisms.

For example, most adults buy their own clothes. If you go into a store and try on a shirt, and you can’t stop the weird shimmying because it feels itchy and wrong to you, then you just don’t buy it. No one asks you to wear that shirt every Tuesday.

And there are a million tiny coping mechanisms like that that adults do every day. People put earbuds in at work to drown out the buzzing of the lights or the printer. They stash sunglasses in every purse, diaper bag and nook of their car. They simply don’t eat foods they don’t like. Remember, everyone is somewhere on that sensory continuum.

So with treatment and time, it IS possible to learn to cope with sensory problems.

What is the Treatment for Sensory Processing Disorder?

The most common treatment for toddlers and kids with SPD is to work with an Occupational Therapist (OT). They will do an assessment to develop a sensory profile of your child. Then they can work with them to address their sensory needs and develop coping skills.

The OT may do Sensory Integration Therapy with your kid to help organize their brain with the sensory input they receive. Or they may work on desensitization. Desensitization can be a great tool for sensory, and help kids build up tolerance, especially for their ‘smaller’ challenges. A good OT will also work with you to develop coping skills your kid can use in their daily life. They’ll work with you so you can help your kid implement those coping skills into their actual lives. (Because real life is waaay different than the nice controlled therapy setting.)

They may also recommend a “sensory diet.”

What Is a Sensory Diet?

Very generally, a sensory diet is the plan you develop, possibly in conjunction with your OT, to help address your child’s sensory needs each day. It may involve providing chances for your child to explore new sensations in a sensory bin, to help desensitize their sense of touch. Or it may involve satisfying their vestibular needs with activities like swinging and spinning. The plans can range from simple to fairly complicated.

Can Sensory and ADHD Affect Each Other?

A recent study from the University of Colorado suggests that up to 40% of kids with ADHD also have sensory issues. This is a very high level of co-occurence, but so far researchers have not been able to definitively explain why these 2 disorders go hand in hand so often.

Can ADHD Cause Sensory Issues?

Technically, no. But they can definitely exacerbate each other. The lack of impulse control can become even more apparent, and it’s possible to see kids respond to their sensory needs at an even lower threshold than they otherwise might have.

To complicate the issue, many of the symptoms of sensory processing can masquerade as ADHD. When a kid hits their sensory threshold and ventures into sensory overload, they can often become impulsive, or even aggressive, because of this innate, deep desire to find balance in their world.

Sensory Overload and ADHD

What Is Sensory Overload? Is Sensory Overload A Symptom of ADHD?

Sensory overload is when a person reaches the point when they are overstimulated by their surroundings. When I was trying to explain this to my son I used the analogy of a jar of pebbles or rocks. (We were -unsuccessfully- trying to force a flower bulb at that time, and conveniently had a mason jar of pebbles on our table.)

So, imagine that everyone has a mason jar for their sensory needs. When they wake up, it tends to be pretty well balanced. But (in our case, I was talking about an avoider) throughout the day, each little sensory challenge adds up and causes more rocks to be put in. Each little tag being weird, or the sun’s brightness, or kids being too loud at school adds rocks to their jar. And different events can add different amounts of rocks.

If they’re given a chance to find some balance afterwards, then it’s also possible for the rocks to be removed from the jar. (This is why you would want to consider putting a sensory solution into your child’s behavior plan or IEP at school.)

Most often though, kids end up accumulating these rocks, and filling up waaaaaaay faster than they can respond. And when they’re full, it’s called sensory overload.

What’s a Sensory Threshold?

Now imagine that most kids walk around with a generic sized 1-quart mason jar. They have a typical sensory threshold. Kids with sensory processing issues tend to have jars that are sized differently. A sensory avoider may have a little tiny jam jar. It may only take a small handful of rocks for them to reach their sensory threshold and venture into sensory overload- and sensory meltdown- territory.

A kid who is sensory seeking may have a giant 2-quart jar. With a lonely little pebble rattling around inside of it. And that kid is desperately seeking to fill his jar at least half-way.

Everyone one of us has a different sensory threshold.

The nice thing about kids is that, if you pay attention to their behavior, they’ll tell you when they’ve reached their limit!

So How Can I Help My Child With Sensory Issues?

The best way to help your kid is to get them into therapy, work with their school, and provide opportunities at home to support them. Explain what’s going on to them if they’re old/mature enough to understand. Personally, I’ve found that just understanding these behaviors through the lens of sensory -and not because they’re trying to deliberately be bad- is incredibly helpful.

If you’d like to take things into your own hands, I have to recommend Sensory Solutions free online workshop. (*Affiliate link- although I would never recommend something I don’t personally believe in!) Thousands of parents have gained amazing insight into their kid’s behavior, which is so valuable for supporting and then helping them.

Does My child Have Sensory Issues or ADHD?

Start with downloading the “Sensory or ADHD Behaviors” handout. If you have any concerns after reading through that, you may want to schedule an appointment with a mental health therapist and/or an OT. Even if you’re not sure, I always recommend getting the input from professionals. Even just ruling things out can be great.

And always remember, why can’t it be both?

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Solving Your Kid’s Sleep Problems

Affiliate disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Should you choose to buy from these links, I will receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you. Learn more here.

Solving Your Kid’s Sleep Problems

MY KID HATES TO GO TO SLEEP

Why don’t kids like to go to sleep? It’s a nearly universal truth that kids will try to avoid bedtime and naptime like a cat avoiding water. (I’m literally writing this as my 1 year old is yelling his protest about being put down for naptime!)

But even teenagers resist the chance to get more sleep by going to bed early. Although that phenomenon is largely explained by a developmental shift in their circadian rhythm, it still doesn’t compute with us as adults! Ugh! If only they knew what we knew…they’d sleep as much as they could!

But since that isn’t the reality that we’re facing, it’s probably best to look at the challenges head-on so we can find some solutions.

Types of Sleep Problems

There are a couple different sleep problems your kid could be facing. So to find an appropriate solution, you need to correctly identify the problem.

This is not an exhaustive list, just some common problems. Sleep problems can also be an indicator of a medical issue, so if it persists, please consult a doctor.

1. Fear of Sleep

For some kids, falling asleep can be frightening. It’s a dark unknown, and who knows if you’ll even wake back up! These kids might be suffering from nightmares and/or night-terrors, which could be causing the fear, and feeding into a vicious cycle. It would also be common for kids to struggle with fear of sleep if they recently suffered a loss.

2. Anxiety

Anxiety might take the form of making your kid’s mind race to the point where they have trouble falling asleep. If you knew you were doomed to lay in bed for 90 minutes every night before you could sleep, thinking about the things that went wrong or things left undone, you wouldn’t want to go to bed either!

3. They’re Not Tired

Your kid may physically not be ready for bed. They may have napped late in the day, or maybe they just weren’t physically active enough. Additionally, teenagers start to develop later circadian rhythms, which means even if you sent them to bed at 9pm and they complied, they may not be able to fall asleep until 11. Blame nature for that one.

4. They Don’t Want to Stop

Whatever they’re doing right before bed is so engaging that they don’t want to quit. Or maybe your kid believes that the night is a magical time when the rest of the world is having fun without them. (Proving you’re never too young for FOMO.) Whether that’s the middle of a video game (more on screen time later!) or a chapter of a particularly good book, they just can’t put it down. And even if they do physically put it down, it’ll be racing through their minds for a while.

These can all be found in the Freebie Library!

SOLVING THE SLEEP PROBLEMS

I always recommend starting with the basics. Everyone needs a bedtime routine, including a consistent bed time. And all screens should be off at least a half hour before bed, although an hour before would be best.

Additional Sleep Interventions

If the basic bedtime routine isn’t working. It’s time to try some new solutions, and soon. Because we can all agree- sleep is precious.

1. Remove the Screens

Make sure all screens are removed from the bedroom. You could try being the ‘nice guy’ by telling your kid it’s because you’re being helpful and want to make sure devices are charged for tomorrow. Or, use a family docking station, and get your kid into the habit of placing it there before bed themselves.

2. Check with The Pediatrician

If your child is on any medication, it could be worth checking if this is a side-effect, and if a change might be warranted. At minimum, you would want to bring this up at their next well-check.

3. Checking Into Supplements

Since you’re already talking to the pediatrician, you could discuss if melatonin, magnesium, or other supplements are a path you may want to pursue.

4. Make Sure They’re Active

It’s a well-know fact that kids aren’t as active as they once were. So make sure they’re getting plenty of physical activity. Maybe plan a family hike once a week, or encourage your kid to play outside or ride their bike when they tell you, “I’m bored.” Making sure kids get outside all year is important, too. One of my favorite sayings is, “There’s no bad weather, just bad clothing.” Meaning, (generally) dress for the weather and you’ll be fine!

If your child is competitive, you could try using a fitness tracker watch, like the Fitbit for Kids or an off-brand version. You can have them challenge themselves, or a family member!

5. Watch out for caffeine

Caffeine seems like it’s sneaking into everywhere now! Obviously, make sure your kid isn’t drinking coffee at 6pm, but look for the more covert places it could be, like soft drinks, chocolate, chocolate or coffee flavored foods, and medications like Midol and Excedrin (PMS and migraine relief, respectively).

6. Cue the Transition with Music

When it’s time for ‘wind-down time’ (my favorite term I learned from our favorite daycare provider!) help create the mood by playing relaxing music. You simply set a timer on your phone or tell Alexa to play soothing music at a certain time.

The genius of this is that over time, you can actually condition your kids to this music! After using this routine for a while, your kids may hear this music and actually start to feel sleepy! I love how our brains work!

7. Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets can be useful for people with anxiety, Autism, ADHD, sensory-processing disorder, and general sleep problems. They’re wonderfully comforting, and can help your kid feel secure in their bed for a full night’s sleep.

8. Darken the Room

Create the best sleep environment you can by making sure the room is cool (not cold), free of distraction, and dark. Blackout curtains can be your best friend if you’re battling with extra light coming in through the windows.

9. Use White Noise

White noise machines have been used for everything from helping kids sleep longer, to eliminating night-terrors. Personally, when my kids are struggling with sleep problems, my attitude is “I’ll try (almost) anything once.” We did have phenomenal success with using white noise to help my two older kids sleep better.

10. Guided Relaxation

Guided relaxation is a wonderful method for relaxing your body and your mind. And it can be used for kids and adults. You can choose to use one of a number of different apps or audio tracks, or you can read below and try your hand at the self-guided version. (Make sure to grab the PDF so you can reference it later, too.) For the first few times, your kid may prefer to have you guide them through it rather than an app with a voice they don’t know.

Guided relaxation is a great solution for kids who have a hard time physically or mentally calming down enough to go to sleep.

How to Combat Sleep Problems with Guided Relaxation

The point of Guided Relaxation is to focus on your body’s sensations, instead of what is going on in your mind. It involves controlled breathing, and small, controlled muscle movements.

Start by getting into a comfortable position, and take 3 to 5 deep belly breaths. Try to quiet you mind, and just focus on how your belly feels going up and down with the breaths. Then, starting with the toes, you’ll clench different muscle groups tightly for a few breaths, and then relax. Start with the toes, and go up through the leg muscles, then from your fingers to your shoulders. Then from your stomach, to your chest, to your back and up through the neck. Make sure to include the face muscles like the jaws and forehead.

This exercise can last for just a few minutes, or you can choose to draw it out for as long as you may need.

Optionally, you can even incorporate gratitude into Guided Relaxation. (I.e.: “As you tighten your toes, think of everything they did for you today, and thank them for their hard work.) Gratitude is a wonderful antidote to anxiety, sadness and depression, and a million other things.

Check for these in the Freebie Library

Is this normal? Or something bigger?

Sleep problems can be a common reaction to normal, yet stressful, life events. Stressful events like exams, relationship/friend problems, moving, death of a relative, or an unstable living situation can all be temporary causes of poor sleep.

Sleep problems can also be related to several mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder.

Once you’ve crossed the threshold of about 2-4 weeks, it’s worth calling a doctor. Make sure to document what’s going on at night so you can give the pediatrician the full scoop. Because if your kid isn’t sleeping- you’re not sleeping. And we all know the havoc that wreaks on our brains.

So, here’s to a good night’s sleep for both of you!

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Impulse Control Strategies for Kids

“Impulse Control Strategies” is Part 4 of a series about impulse control for kids and teens. Click on the links for Parts 1, 2, and 3.

Impulse Control Strategies

Kids acting impulsively- whatever that looks like for your family- is often some of the most challenging behavior for us to deal with as parents. Impulsive behaviors are, by nature, spontaneous. So your home can feel unpredictable and chaotic; like you can never get ahead of your kid’s behaviors. Every day there are battles to be on time, verbal outbursts, and even bigger worries like lying, stealing, and wandering/running away. It’s overwhelming when you feel like you can’t impact your child’s behaviors.

It’s Exhausting and Heartbreaking

Every single parent I’ve met who has a kid with poor impulse control and/or ADHD has felt like a failure at some point. You’re not alone. I’ve been there, too. But my message for you is this: you are doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

You are parenting an objectively difficult to raise child. You are trying every single day. There is no such thing as an ‘easy day’ for you; even if your kid’s away at someone else’s house, you’re worrying about how they’re behaving there. Self-care is often an after-thought, or just something that parents with ‘normal’ kids do.

Your emotional stores are depleted, but your kid still needs you to show up for them. The solution is not about giving them another half hour outside to ‘run it off.’ These kids have brains that are wired differently, and no amount of physical activity will change their brain composition. So, how do you start making changes when you feel stuck?

Impulse Control Strategies for Better Behavior

Whenever you start to implement impulse control strategies, it is critical to consider a kid’s developmental level. For example, if we identify the major behavior that needs addressed is temper-tantrums because a kid didn’t get their way, we need to consider the age of the child. If that kid is 2, the realistic answer is that they’re not ready for full-blown interventions, and we need to take a look at safety planning and/or making a plan to respond to the behavior when it does happen. But, if that kid has a developmental age of 6 (even if they’re 8 years old), they’re ready to start talking about the emotions and how they connect with the physical feelings in their body to start and prevent some of this behavior.

There is no quick fix. I wish I could sugar-coat that, but I know you already know that in your heart, so there’s no point in hiding it. Don’t let it stop you, though! Just think of where you could be in 6 months if you start working on this with your kid now!

Possible Pre-Step: Safety Plan

If your kid is exhibiting any behaviors that are dangerous to themselves or others, you absolutely need to safety plan first. Some examples of dangerous behavior could be throwing things, hitting, biting, wandering or even self-harm. Kids with poor impulse control don’t stop to think about the consequences of their actions, so we need to build a safety-net around them.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has found that the predominant mental health diagnosis of children (ages 5-11) who completed suicide was ADHD, and not Depression like in other age groups. This suggests that a child’s impulsivity is related to the suicide, and that safety planning by removing the temptation for impulsive behaviors can be an effective prevention tool. Once you have a plan to keep everyone safe, you can move on to the next impulse control strategies.

1. Choose ONE behavior to zero in on.

It may not be the biggest problem, but choose something that will either be impactful for you or your kid to deal with, OR something you’re pretty sure you can get traction on. Choosing just one behavior helps your kid get focused in on improving it, too.

The thought behind choosing something small that you think you could realistically change is that it will build confidence; both in you, and your kid. Every day, kids with poor impulse control are receiving the message that they’re bad, disobedient, out-of-control, or plain-old not-good-enough. If you help them make a change in their behavior, no matter how small it is, you’ll be giving them the confidence that they are capable of doing anything. That’s a powerful lesson!

2. Be a super sleuth.

Notice everything related to the ONE behavior you’ve chosen. Now you need to notice everything from how much sleep they’re getting, to foods they’ve eaten, to the environment(s) they’re in. Don’t limit yourself to looking at certain times of day, we’ll look for patterns later. Also- don’t forget to notice when they’re doing well! THAT’s really important data, too! Enlist teachers, baby-sitters, grandparents, or whoever else is involved in your kid’s life, to help you out by sharing observations. Try to keep it non-judgmental and objective. For example: “Jackson ran out of the room and screamed about not wanting to do homework.” Not, “Jackson was terrible and behaved like a wild animal.”

3. Document.

Pick a method that everyone involved will use. Make a google spreadsheet, use a spare notebook from back-to-school sales, use a shared app on your phone. Just pick the easiest thing for you!

I know you’re crazy busy and already overwhelmed, so I made a free, printable, fillable worksheet for you to help you keep your thoughts and observations organized. Check it out!

4. Go back and look for patterns and make connections.

Does Jackson scream more after he comes home from school? Maybe school is draining for him, and he needs a different after-school routine? Whatever your kid is doing, it’ll be much easier to tackle if you have a sense of why (or at least when) it’s happening. We’re not excusing it; we’re trying to understand it.

5. Implement Impulse Control Strategies Based on Your Findings

You’re not just going to throw something at the wall and see what sticks. Nope! Not you. You’re way smarter than that! You are going to choose some impulse control strategies based on what your child actually needs. There are 4 groups of skills, beyond continuing emotional, social and cognitive development that kids need to build stronger impulse control. There are stress-reduction skills, mindfulness, problem-solving skills, and tolerating delayed gratification.

Here is a list of ideas and activities for toddlers and young kids. Slightly more advanced ideas and activities for older kids and teens can be found here; these are also broken down by the skills mentioned above. If you need to start at the beginning with teaching your kids the language to talk about their feelings, this article has some ideas.

Implementing Impulse Control Strategies is a Long-Game

This isn’t an over night fix. But you’re on the right path. Just a few closing tips:

It’s best to use these strategies when your kid is calm, and not during the middle of impulsive behavior.
It may be time to re-evaluate your kid’s medication (if they’re on any) and possibly even their diagnosis.
If your child is taking any psych meds, you want to make sure they’re seeing a child psychiatrist or psychologist. The pediatrician is a good stop-gap person, but you need a specialist.

Getting momentum is the hardest part. So take a deep breath, and dive in. There’s really no better way.

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Impulse Control Activities for Teens

This is Part 3 of a series about impulse control for kids and teens. Click on the links for Parts 1, 2 and 4.

Impulse Control is an Essential Skill to Develop

But I don’t need to convince you. MOST parents I talk to are already way on board with wanting to help their kid, tween or teen gain impulse-control (or self-control) skills. But actually helping our teens learn impulse control skills is a much different task. Talking about it, telling them they need more impulse control, and lectures won’t get us anywhere. The best way to teach is through specifically designed impulse control activities for teens, tweens and big kids.

Tips for Parents Before Teaching Impulse Control Activities For Teens

Before you dive in- whenever you’re working with a teenager, you need to know it’s a two way street. We still have to prepare ourselves as parents, even more than when they were younger. I have a couple of suggestions to help ensure that once you get to the point of actually implementing these impulse control activities for teens things will go more smoothly.

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Don’t set the bar too high, but don’t set it too low, either. If you know what they’re currently capable of, your expectation should be 1 or maybe 2 steps beyond that. Also, understand that there will always be some low-level impulsive ‘stuff’ to their personality. Yes, it may drive you crazy, but try not to get bogged down by the little things.

2. Use Routines to your advantage

You can initially reduce some of the need for impulse control by using routines. These are people who desperately need routines and structure. When your brain is acting like a pinball machine, structure is a safe place to rest; even if your teen seems resistant to it at first. If you’re on a diet, (which takes an immense amount of impulse control) you would set yourself up for success by removing the treats from your house, and planning out your meals. Give your teens the same benefit with routine in their life! Just because they’re impulsive, doesn’t mean they need- or even want- everything to be spontaneous.

3. Give Extra Support to the Extra Challenging Times

If you can, create extra structure around a particularly stressful time of day (or event- like exams) to help find more peace. Is getting to school on time a challenge? Implement a routine for night that includes making sure clothes are laid out, homework- and anything else they need- is already in the backpack, etc.

4. Get Their Buy-In

When you’re working with a teen, you need their buy-in to implement change. Find the common ground during a calm moment. For example, “Can we both agree that there’s too much fighting in the mornings before school?” Instead of “You’re always running late, and it’s not ok.” Maybe your teen has some ideas about what would help them be on time? If you give them the time and space to open up, you might be surprised how insightful they are!

5. Pick One Area to Work On at A Time

Have you ever had a big project going on at work, while you’re trying to stay on a very strict diet, and you’re also not spending money because you’re on a tight budget? It’s completely overwhelming to focus on so many things, and share your attention span and impulse control over so many facets of your life. Classwork, peers, girl/boyfriends, jobs, parents, and extracurriculars are all vying for that limited amount of impulse control. So, from where I’m standing, you have two choices for deciding which area to start with. Option 1– Where is impulse-control getting your kid into trouble the most? Are they interrupting, or wandering, or chronically late? Choose one topic, and if you can, break it down even smaller, like working on not interrupting your teachers (we’ll get to parents later). Think of it as ‘niching down.’ Option 2– Where will you be able to make the biggest impact the quickest? Will simply making sure the homework actually gets back to school be the biggest difference maker? You could choose to focus on that first.

6. Understand They Will Still Need Your Help

Teens are doing everything they can to gain more and more independence- which is completely developmentally appropriate! So I understand that it feels incongruent to say that they need even more help right now. But when we give them a new task to try, they’re going to need our support. If they have support, they’ll be more successful, which will give them more confidence, which will make them want to continue on their own. Once they’re confident in the task, you can peel back some of your support- layer by layer.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice

Impulse control is best compared to a muscle, and not a set of knowledge. You can’t go to the gym once a month, or even once a week, and really expect to grow stronger. This isn’t something that can be taught once, and then you expect them to know how to do it. It will take consistent work, for a lifetime, to grow and keep the impulse control ‘muscles’ strong.

8. Be A Good Role-Model

The need to continue practicing impulse control extends into our adult lives. So be the best role-model you can! If you can’t be perfect, (and no one expects you to be!) talk about it with your kid. You can even check out ideas for improving your own impulse control.

Life Skills to Improve Impulse Control

So, now that you have your teen’s buy-in, let’s talk about what skills actually make a difference in improving impulse control. Then we’ll get to translating those skills into actual impulse control activities for teens.

First, teenagers need to continue in their emotional, mental and social development. As they continue developing, the brain matures through experience and they can start to feel some of the regret, and see the social consequences of poor impulse control. And with greater mental development, they will gain the ability to think about different behaviors that would lead to different outcomes.

Second, we need to help them with their stress-reduction skills. Think about when you’re most likely to break your diet and have that dessert, or glass of wine, you told yourself you wouldn’t. It’s not when you’re calm and in control. It’s when you’re feeling stressed out, and out of control. Most teens experience a tremendous amounts of stress, so giving them better stress-reduction techniques can help improve impulse control in the same way it can help you stick to a diet, etc.

Third, we can help our teenagers develop mindfulness. This goes hand in hand with stress-reduction. But by learning mindfulness, too, they can start sensing their body’s physical cues about when stress and impulses are about to take over. Mindfulness is excellent for helping overall regulation. If you think of your teen as a car, that would be the care and maintenance part. It’s also great for quick stress-reduction, which addresses ’emergency repairs.’

Fourth, we need to give them concrete problem-solving skills. To a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If we haven’t taught our teens to respond in a different way when a problem arises, they will continue with the same problematic (impulsive) behavior from the past. We need to give them the tools to be able to step-back, analyze, and solve a problem.

Lastly, we need to provide them opportunities to practice delayed gratification. The need for instant gratification can get teens into a lot of trouble. Unprotected sex, verbal outbursts, physical aggression, and using drugs are all things people do because they ‘wanted to’ or because it felt like the right thing at the time. If you’re asking, “Why did you do that?” and getting responses like, “I don’t know,” “just because,” or “because I wanted to,” chances are you’re dealing with a teen with very little ability to tolerate delayed gratification.

Impulse Control Activities for Teens

I’ll break these activities down by life-skill. Many of these skills may seem basic to you as an adult, but your teen may need a reminder to use the new tools in their toolbox. Gentle, friendly reminders are going to help them create routines and new, positive habits. But they won’t be able to do it without you. New habits can take at least 28 days to build, but they can fall apart quicker than that through sporadic use.

1. Emotional, Mental and Social Development

Organized sports/activities/clubs
Keep a journal; reflect on when you were able to exhibit impulse control, and when you were not. What did you mean to happen?
Have a few pre-planned responses to help ward off peer pressure
For teens with trouble regulating time, use a planner with hour (or even half hour) time slots. Build in timers and routines for filling out the planner and referencing it. (Read about more time management tips for teens here.)

2. Stress-Reduction Techniques

Take a shower
Have a mantra or Bible passage memorized. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13, NRSV) is a personal favorite, but a quick Google or Pinterest search will help you find many more.
Write out the things you are, and are NOT in control of.
Practice deep breathing.
Dance
Physical activity
Blowing bubbles
Coloring
Journaling

3. Developing Mindfulness

Practice yoga, meditation, or even just controlled breathing
Identify which situations are most likely to get you in trouble, then work backwards. What feelings do you have before it? What events precede it? Are you misreading situations? (Also applies to Continued Development and Problem-Solving Skills.)
Use the “Stop, think, go” technique when you start to have feelings that indicate impulsivity.

4. Problem-solving Skills

Understand problem areas, and develop a few planned responses
Practice breaking problems down into smaller chunks
Ask for help
Make a plan
Step back, and come back to the problem later with fresh eyes

5. Practicing Delayed Gratification

Plan and budget for a special purchase
Gardening
Long-term (start with 1-2 weeks, and build from there) crafts or projects.
Large puzzles

Bonus- Activities for Impulsive Interrupting/Verbal Outbursts

If these techniques are mainly going to be used in a classroom setting, your teen may want to talk to their teachers, or you could send a quick email to let them know what’s going on, so your kid doesn’t feel pressured or rushed. I would recommend practicing this at home to the point where your teen is comfortable before bring this to school, though.

Before talking, practice taking a deep breath, and taking that extra second to consider the response.
Practice literally talking slower.
‘Parrot’ back the question. Try not to repeat word for word, but state your understanding. “So, you’re asking if…” This one take a lot of practice.
Use imagery to help. Imagine a zipper on your mouth. Or, imagine your mouth is stuffed full of marshmallows, and you can only respond with 1 or 2 words.

Removing the Layers of Support

Your support is critical to your teen. If they try to push you away, or act like the don’t want or need your help, just remember that they’re doing their developmental job. It also probably means you need some more buy-in from them.

Once they have developed the routine, you can slowly remove some of your supports. But think of it like Jenga- things don’t go well if you just take 10 pieces at once out of the base. But if you slowly and strategically remove blocks from the bottom, you can be left with something that stands stronger and taller than when you started.

If you’ve been left feeling drained, exhausted, and out of ideas, sign up for the newsletter! I will help build you back up, through encouragement, new tips, and by being someone to bounce ideas off of. I hope to hear from you soon!

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How To Teach Impulse Control To Children

How To Start Teaching Impulse Control In Children

(Note: This is Part 2 in a series on impulse control in children. Click on the link for Part 1, Impulse Control Activities: Teaching The Basics, or Part 3, Impulse Control Activities for Teens)

How many times do you find yourself saying “Whhhhy did you do that?!”

If it’s too many to count, you’re probably struggling with poor impulse control in children at your house.

And to top it off, is your kid’s response your questioning “Why,” just a shoulder shrug and “I dunno.” Or, “I just wanted to”?!

It’s frustrating on a good day, and it’s downright infuriating on the others! It’s like a brick wall that blocks all further conversation, and stops your from taking any steps forward.

But even if you can’t move forward, you still have options. You can take a step back.

If your son or daughter doesn’t recognize the cause of their action, we need to address that before we’re able to move on to the action itself. I really like the analogy of teaching impulse control in children to teaching potty-training. Because A) it’s something we’ve all done with our kids, B) it’s massively based on child development, and C) even though it can be hard to teach -and learn- the payoffs are enormous.

The First Steps of Impulse Control

The steps from ‘going’ in a diaper to using a potty need to include recognizing the urge, understanding what it means, and then choosing to do something about it. In impulse control, a kid needs to recognize the feeling of wanting to do a behavior, understand that behavior is not appropriate, and then choose to not do it. There can be different feelings behind impulsive behavior for kids; anger, anxiety, or even joy. Cognitive differences, such as ADHD, autism or developmental delays also contribute to poor impulse control in children. Kid’s developmental stage has a huge impact on impulsive behavior. Strong emotions have the ability to block out rational thought, so we need to control our emotions before we’re able to control our thoughts and actions.

So the first step is recognizing the feeling.

Steps For Better Impulse Control In Children

Maybe I should clarify, and say that the first step is really for kids to recognize the feeling AND label it. It does us no good if you’re calling something yellow, and I’m calling it green. We’ll be mixed up and confused before we can even talk about what to DO with the emotions. We need to be on the same page, and that starts with the language we use. In light of that, here are some first steps to addressing impulse control in children.

1. Sensations in the Body are the first clue

This is huge. Kids often experience feelings in their bodies before they understand their emotions. Things like upset stomachs, a dizzy head, and clenched fists are all great clues for how a kid is feeling. You might even call anger the ‘tight fist feeling’ (if that’s the actual physical response your kid has- otherwise fill in the blank) before it starts to really click in your kid’s head that the emotion they’re having is anger.

2. Use the kid’s own language

If your son or daughter says, “I feel worried” or “my stomach gets sick about getting an answer wrong at school” that’s a goldmine! Use THEIR words! When you parrot it back, just say, “I’m so sorry to hear your stomach gets sick, let’s talk about that.” You don’t have to try and translate it to “you sound like you’re anxious.” They’ll feel more understood, and accepted for who they are, if you’re taking the effort to listen to exactly what they’re saying. Which, will make them more likely to talk about it with you in the future!

3. Use Lots of Books

So your kid’s not a talker? That doesn’t mean they get to shut down the whole conversation. Don’t underestimate the power of a good book, especially for topics like impulse control in children. They can be a great tool for starting conversations, normalizing feelings, and giving kids the language to talk about what’s going on with them! Some books to check out (These are affiliate links, and as an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases):

Baxter Turns Down His Buzz: A Story for Little Kids about ADHD

Listening To My Body

What Were You Thinking?: Learning To Control Your Impulses

My Mouth Is A Volcano!

4. Tell A short story about a friend

If you can’t find a book about a specific topic, or don’t feel like running out to the library, you can always tell a short story. Keep it short and simple, and close to your kid’s situation without being an exact duplicate. *Hint hint* The story doesn’t actually have to be about a friend. It could be your younger self, or it could be a made-up person. Or if you’re not comfortable with your story-telling skills, you could flip the script and ask your kid to tell you a story (about someone in their position) instead.

5. Talk About Feelings In Everyday Life

Tell your kid(s) how you’re feeling -while still maintaining boundaries, please- to help normalize that humans feel all kinds of emotions. There’s no wrong emotion- it’s just about what you do with it. (I.e.: Your kid is allowed to feel mad, but they’re not allowed to hit.) I like to also drive the point home with reinforcing the physical aspects of emotions. So I might tell kids, “when I get nervous or scared, my chest feels tight, like there’s an elephant sitting on it.” When I can use descriptive language like that, I’m much more likely to get them to chime in with something like, “Oh yeah!! I felt like that when I couldn’t see my mom at school pick-up!”

Start Talking About Impulse Control In Children

We can help improve impulse control in children by giving them the language to talk about it. How are you currently talking about feelings, in general, with your kid? Are you helping them make the connections? Did you think of a specific word or phrase they use, especially about impulsive behaviors?

The free printable (that you can grab right above!) has some prompts and spaces where you can write down these answers for a quick reference.

Which of these steps do you think your kid, in particular, would relate to best? Let me know in the comments below!

GET MORE HELP!

A new course, Easier Impulse Control, designed specifically to help stressed-out parents with kids who have impulsive behaviors is here!

Learn the trick to finding the strengths in your kid’s behaviors
Find a way to focus and fight the overwhelm
Discover the secret of parents who stay ‘on top of it’ and positive

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Impulse Control Activities For Kids: Teaching The Basics

This is Part 1 in a series about impulse control for children and teens. Click on the links for Part 2: How to Teach Impulse Control in Children or for Part 3: Impulse Control Activities for Teens.

Impulse Control Is Critical

Kids without impulse control are hard to manage. They are reactors, and not thinkers, which can make parenting them feel like your parenting a hand-grenade. You never know when they’ll have a fit or meltdown, try to run away, throw something across the room, or act out aggressively. Learning impulse control is imperative for kids, whether they are typically developing or they are experiencing a range of mental health or cognitive disorders.

Impulse Control Is Part of Child Development

Impulse control isn’t about “bad kids” and “good kids.” It’s about whether their brain has had a chance to develop brakes. I know it’s not a scientific term, but it really is the best descriptor I’ve found. Just because your child is having fits, or throwing something across the room DOES NOT mean they are a “bad kid.” Their brain simply hasn’t had a chance to develop yet.

Everyone will eventually develop these brakes that stop us from impulsively making poor choices- like eating an entire bowl full of cookie dough, or running out into the street without looking to chase a ball. (Interestingly, a new way to conceptualize ADHD is as a developmental delay in impulse control.) Impulse control, or self-restraint, will vary in strength from person to person- like other personality traits. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a helping hand!

Teaching Impulse Control

I hear you! It’s REALLY hard to live with a kid who’s throwing things, hitting people, or running out into the street because they’re not thinking it through. The good news is, you can help them develop impulse control with practice. The bad news is, it’s also going to take patience because you literally have to wait for their brain to develop. But you can help their brain start making all the connections and create the right pathways through practice. You’ve helped your kid achieve a million other milestones, and you can help coach them to learn better impulse control, too!

There are actually a lot of similarities to teaching impulse control, and potty training. In potty training, the kid has to recognize the feeling of needing to use the bathroom, understand what it means, and then choose to do something about it. In impulse control, a kid needs to recognize the feeling of wanting to do a behavior, understand that behavior is not appropriate, and then choose to not do it. And in both cases, some kids will be a breeze to teach, and will seemingly pick this up by themselves. Others will be a hard-fought battle, whether due to temperament or developmental delays or cognitive differences. The silver-lining here is that the most difficult challenges are the sweetest to overcome!

Parent Or Coach?

As a sidebar before these awesome practice activities- I know coaching and teaching your kid to go further than they thought possible is an amazing part of being a parent. But being the person who loves them unconditionally, and thinks they’re perfect and wonderful and amazing just how they are? That’s something only you can do. You are their parent, and it’s an awesome and singular responsibility. Take some pressure off yourself; you’re not their therapist. So don’t push too hard, follow your child’s lead with these activities, build-up their tolerance gradually, and have fun!

Impulse Control Activities for Kids

1. Red Light, Green Light

It may not be a fancy, or glamorous game, but this has all the components of good activity for developing impulse control. The kid has to listen, has to choose to follow the rules, must have control of their body, and has to temporarily do something they don’t want to (i.e.: stop at the “red light”).

2. Simon Says

Another low-tech, no-prep impulse control activity for children that focuses on listening, body control, and the ability to physically restrain yourself.

3. Balloon Toss

This one takes 15 seconds of prep-work. Give your kid an inflated balloon, and ask them not to throw it up in the air for 30 sec. (or less depending on your kid- this isn’t a punishment.) You want them to have that feeling of “but I waaaaant to” before you let them toss it a few times. Then talk about that feeling, and how they were able to overcome it. Just for a few sentences; this shouldn’t be a lecture! They just exemplified impulse control!!

4. Board Games

Turn taking is an excellent way to practice restraining impulsive behavior! Games like Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, Trouble, or Monopoly, where there are negatives like being sent back to the start (or jail!!), provide a second-layer of ‘fun discomfort’ to challenge your kid! Try these less common board games for impulse control for a great twist on game night

5. Organized Sports

Many communities start offering organized sports around age 3. Don’t worry about whether or not your kid will be good! It’s not about that. Even super young organized sports require basic listening, sharing and self-restraint. And playing on a team can be a fun way to practice these skills, and maybe even make some friends!

Transferring These Skills To Real-Life

You may be feeling anxious for these skills to start showing in real-life, instead of just games. But remember when your sweet little baby started walking? He or she didn’t start just walking down the street by themselves! And you didn’t berate them for holding onto the couch to get to you while you waved a stuffed animal at them so they’d walk to you. You played games, and cheered them on and maybe even caught those first steps on camera! And when they fell, even after they learned to walk, you helped them back up. Your kiddo will get there with impulse control, too. It may not be on your time-frame, but it’ll happen.

To help this transfer to real-life, you can work on recognizing any time that they exhibit self-restraint/impulse control, and commenting on it immediately. (This is not a group that responds well to delayed gratification.) In the meantime, I’d suggest practicing excellent self-care and getting a break when you can.

Have patience, and have fun!

Why Create An After School Routine For ADHD Kids?

Benefits of an After School Routine for Kids With ADHD

Questions & Myths About After School Routines for Kids with ADHD

Won’t it make home feel like school? Or a jail?

I’m already really busy, and this seems like an additional task I just can’t take on

I don’t want to nag my kid about one. more. thing.

This seems like something that other families do. It wouldn’t work at my house.

How to create a routine that works for your ADHD Child

Printable Daily & Weekly Chart for Bedtime, Before School, and After School Routines

Make Routines Easy

Hooray!!

Morning Ideas/Before-School Routines:

Afternoon Ideas/After-School Routines:

Evening Ideas/Bedtime Routines:

Kids Thrive With Structure

Get Your Free Impulse Control Workbook PDF

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Living with Impulsive Kids?

Who Is The Impulse Control Workbook For?

What’s In The “Impulse Control Workbook” PDF?

Section 1- Tips for Parents

Section 2- Life Skills

Section 3- Impulse Control Activities for Teens (and Older Kids!)

Further Reading

Grab Your Copy of the Impulse Control Workbook Now

Get Your Free Impulse Control Workbook PDF

Awesome!

Impulse Control Techniques PDF

Try Out The Impulse Control Techniques PDF

How to Use the “Impulse Control Techniques PDF”

1. Label and Recognize the Feelings

2. Activities to Build Stronger Impulse Control Muscles

Further Reading

Start Addressing Impulse Control Today

Impulse Control Games You’ll Want To Play With Your Kid

HOW DO YOU HELP A CHILD WITH IMPULSE CONTROL?

Incorporating Impulse Control Games Into Your Life

1. Add It to Your Game Rotation

2. Family Game Night

3. Alternative to Screen-Time

4. Get Kids Moving On A Rainy Day

What Makes It An Impulse Control Game?

Games that can help kids improve their impulse control and self-control

Category 1: The Classics

1. Operation

2. Twister

3. Jenga

Category 2: For Younger Kids (ages 4-6)

4. Silly Street

5. Rhino Hero

6. Magic Labyrinth

7 . Qwirkle

Category 3: Older Kids (Ages 7+)

8. Bounce-Off

9. Suspend

10. Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza

Category 4: Puzzles

11. Puzzles

Bonus: Make Up Your Own Game

Impulse Control Games for the Win!

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Can Sensory and ADHD Affect Each Other?

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**This seems like something that other families do. It wouldn’t work at my house.**