Tag: Special Needs

Autism and Wandering: 13 Tips to Keep Kids Safe

Wandering. Eloping. Running. Whatever you call it- it’s a terrifying part of many kid’s lies. Most commonly, it can impact kids with Autism, but it can also affect kids with other special needs, and even ADHD.

Strategies to keep kids with ADHD, Special Needs, and Autism from Wandering

The strategies to address wandering are unique, because this behavior is such a huge safety risk. While you’re trying to work with your kid on resisting this urge, you’re also going to need to put every measure possible in place to ensure their safety. 

Kid-Based Solutions for Wandering:

  • Develop a routine path for common trips, (like home to school) so if their body starts going on auto-pilot, they’ll know where they are when they start paying attention again. 
  • Use visual stories about how dangerous wandering can be
  • Emphasize the need for the buddy system. Help them identify who can be a buddy, and how to ask.
  • Help identify why they may be wandering. This can help you know when the likelihood for wandering may increase, and may alert you to where they’re going.
    • Parents of kids on the autism spectrum report some of the most common reasons for wandering as:
      • Enjoying running, and exploring new things
      • Desire to be at their favorite place
      • The need to escape an anxious situation 
      • The strong desire to pursue a special topic of interest (like trains, cars, etc.)
      • Trying to avoid an uncomfortable sensory stimuli

Parent & Community-Based Solutions for Wandering:

  • Consider a GPS bracelet, especially a water-proof one. It is possible that your insurance, or a local grant, may cover this, and you may want to ask your pediatrician, or even the local police department, about recommendations.
  • There are trackers, like AngelSense, which will allow you to locate your child and monitor their GPS location.
  • Consider that this is not a kid who can be out of your sight yet- create a plan for how you get a chance to shower, take care of yourself, make dinner, etc., while your kid is still monitored.
  • Install chime alerts on the doors and windows in your house to give you a heads up if a child is eloping.
  • Provide them with wearable ID.
  • Think about making the local police department aware of your child’s tendency toward this behavior. Provide them with up to date pictures, and your contact information.
  • Develop a plan to prevent wandering at school, and a recovery plan, in case the worst happens.
  • Alert neighbors to alert you if they see him/her walking alone.
  • Many kids who wander are drawn towards water, since it can be so calming. Identify bodies of water (drainage ponds, pools, wells, lakes, etc) near you as first places to check. If you are very tied into your community, you may even know people near those locations and can set-up a sort of alert system with them as a first step for where to check if your child is missing. 

Autism Wandering Devices

One tracking device that consistently rises to the top is AngelSense. It’s a device that can be worn, and allow the parent to access from their phone- and you can even hear what’s going on from the ‘walkie talkie’ function!

The device can be worn in pockets, or even in special undershirts so it can’t be removed.

One of the best benefits of the AngelSense, when it comes to kids with autism wandering off, is the GPS locator, which is specific enough to find a kid in a certain area of a large school campus. There’s also an alarm that a parent can set-off remotely to alert adults or authorities in the area that your child may be in danger. (It’s also come in handy for kids who like to play ‘hide-and-seek’ with school staff- without letting anyone know.

Here’s more about what parents have to say about AngelSense.

Can I Completely Prevent My Kid From Wandering?

Unfortunately, completely preventing elopement is unlikely. The real goals here are to a) prevent it when possible, and b) catching it as soon as possible to avoid/reduce the negative consequences.

Being prepared is the best way to handle any emergency.

There’s a lot you can do to get prepared, but a good place to start would be to find the easiest step to put into place, and start with one step per week (or day if you’re ambitious). Then choose the 2nd easiest, and so on, working up to the most challenging option for you.

If it seems like too much to think about right now, I would encourage you to save this article for later.

Looking for more practical fixes?

Becoming A Special Needs Parent

Becoming A Special Needs Parent

It took me 2 years to say the words, “I have a kid with special needs.*”

2 years with surgeries, and consults, and waiting, and filling out every developmental checklist people would send me. 2 years filled with OT, PT, speech therapy; with in-home therapy, with IEP meetings, with requests for re-evaluation, with special needs transportation to school.

Avoiding the ‘Special Needs’ Label

You’d think with all that staring me in the face on a daily basis, it would be hard to dance around the phrase, “special needs.” And you’d be right.

I did consider it frequently. (What can I say? Denial is powerful.) But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about other kids I would see at the therapy office. There were kids who were non-verbal, or were using walkers; kids with more significant challenges than my son. Surely, no one would argue that they had special needs. But I was always left searching myself for the answer to the question, “Does my son belong in the same category?” He doesn’t have the most severe ‘issues’ you’ve ever seen. But he’s also not typical.

Somehow, in my mind, giving him the distinction of special needs took away from the kids with more severe disabilities than his. I had a taste of the extra challenges he faced because of his differences, and understood that bigger differences meant bigger challenges. And I felt like labeling him ‘special needs’ would minimize the work and effort of kids (and their parents!) with more significant disabilities.

Living In A Gray Area of Special Needs

Because my son doesn’t look different, it felt like we were living in the shadow world of disabilities. It was like we didn’t fit in anywhere. There were times when I felt embarrassed to be asking for services for him, because I assumed people thought I was just some hypochondriac parent. It’s not easy to advocate for your kid when you are your own biggest obstacle.

But I also experienced the challenges of trying to help him fit in with kids his age who were typically developing. I felt that I had to be extra vigilant during play groups. Things like story time at the library or swim lessons were hard to take him to, because they were categorized by age. Which meant they expected him to behave in a way he wasn’t capable of, yet. And finding someone I was willing to let watch him was incredibly stressful. Who could I find who would understand he wasn’t being bad? Who could I trust to handle his behavior and not judge me or my family?

If I had accepted the label ‘special needs’ earlier, I could’ve had access to different resources for him. I could’ve brought him to story times specifically for kids who were atypical, and felt free of judgement. I could’ve had the words to share my story with close family earlier, and experienced their amazing support.

Coming to Terms

Before I could get to the point where I could acknowledge that my son has disabilities, a number of things had to happen. First, we received a diagnosis of a long-term condition for him. The therapists were great, and gave me language to explain this new diagnosis to close family. But even though I cognitively understood this condition would be with him for the rest of his life, I found myself continuing to think that he could outgrow it. (Again, denial is powerful. And sneaky.)

Secondly, he got a pair of ‘super-hero boots.’ It became much more difficult to deny that he had special needs when I’m strapping up his ankle braces every day, and staring at the physical manifestation of his diagnosis. And reaching out to other moms of kids with ankle braces was the most efficient way to deal with the shoe ‘drama’ that comes with the territory.

Third, was my experience at his school’s field day. He was the most severely, (at least physically) delayed kid in his class. It was an acutely painful experience watching my kid struggle just to run and keep up with his peers. It forced me to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t just ‘not quite typically developing,’ he really does have some special needs that deserve attention and treatment.

I Should’ve Known He Had Special Needs

Somehow, (in the irrational, mama-bear part of my brain) I felt by being a Family Therapist, I should’ve been able to see this happening. Possibly even to prevent this. I should be able to see the behaviors, and flawlessly implement a strategy that would help him calm down. That would fix him. If I were a good mom, I should be able to help him catch up to his typical peers.

But those ‘should’s’ are a lie. Don’t believe them for a minute.

They weighed me down for too long. They still like to sneak around, and knock on the door from time to time. I’m getting quicker at catching them, so they don’t do as much damage as they used to.

We’re still in a place where we’re looking for answers. I (lovingly) compare him to an onion, and I’m slowly getting used to the idea that we may always be peeling back layers. But it is so amazing every time he takes a step forward, and I get to know him a little better.

You’re not Alone

So why am I sharing my** story now? Because I don’t want you to have to spend years wondering if you’re doing too little, or too much. I want you to be an empowered advocate for your kid, because you know them better than anyone else on this Earth. I don’t want you to be lonely, and isolated, and feel like you have to do this alone. You do belong.

Does your life story include living in this gray area between special needs and typical? How has it impacted you? I would love to hear your story!

Notes:

*I have chosen this phrase because I like how broad it is. During the stage when we didn’t have a formal diagnosis, it still fit. In it’s definition, it includes kids with learning difficulties, physical disabilities, and emotional and behavioral difficulties which are significant enough to impact their learning at school. And if it’s significant enough to impact school, it’s absolutely impacting their home life, as well.

**I do want to respect that this is his (my son’s) life. But, being his mom is a defining role in my life. I’ve tried to keep focused on my experience, and not his. In the future, it will be his decision to decide if he wants to talk about how having special needs has (or has not) impacted his life. However, I know there are other moms out there going through the same thing. If that’s you, I sincerely hope that my experience can bring you comfort, and a quicker learning curve!

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About Alexandria

Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!

Differently Wired Book Review

Affiliate disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Should you choose to buy from these links, I will receive a small commission,  at no extra cost to you. Learn more here.

Book Review for “Differently Wired”

Differently Wired, (affiliate link), explores the challenges of parents and caregivers raising kids who are developing outside the norm. Differently Wired is a very inclusive term, which can mean everything from learning disabilities, developmental delays, and Down’s Syndrome, to autism and/or giftedness. It’s basically any diagnosis that would result in kids thinking, learning, or behaving differently. It’s a book about changing our mindsets, for the better. To proudly stand beside our kids, to grow with them, to advocate for them.


Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. By Deborah Reber

The author, Deborah Reber, spends the first section of the book laying out why we can no longer accept the status quo- both as parents and as a society- for our kids. She then goes into how we can shift our mindset, with “TiLTS” in thinking.

The TiLTS can mainly be grouped into the categories of: 1) letting your child be the wonderful person they are; 2) finding personal growth as a parent, and; 3) advocacy and how to deal with the world/school systems. Each of the 18 TiLTS is an easily digestible chapter, complete with pro-tips and actionable advice.

Differently Wired Is Beautifully Strengths Based

It’s (sadly) not often we hear the up-side of diagnoses like dyslexia (an amazing ability to rotate shapes and figures in your mind!) or any of the many other causes of being differently wired addressed in the book. But she insists on you- and others- seeing your child with their strengths first. She somehow also balances this with our need to sometimes grieve about the loss of the “typical” dream. But she doesn’t let you stay down for long! In fact, one of my favorite quotes from the book,

“Maybe, just maybe, a bad day is actually a good day in disguise.” (Page 131)

Differently Wired is written from the author’s perspective as the parent of a son with autism, giftedness and ADHD, and she leans heavily on her own experiences. But she does bring in plenty of other experts, and anecdotes from people in her community to help balance it. I do believe any parent of a differently wired child would be able to take something positive away from this book.

Who Should Read Differently Wired?

This book is primarily for parents and caregivers of differently wired children. It would also be a very worthwhile read for anyone spending a lot of time around these kids- like grandparents, teachers, or coaches. If you’re a parent of a typically developing child, it’s an interesting read to broaden your horizons, but it may not be “required” reading.

Do I Recommend Differently Wired: Raising Exceptional Children In A Conventional World?

Yes! I emphatically recommend it! To be honest, I had meant to quickly skim this book so I could get this review to you almost a month ago. But once I started, I couldn’t put it down quickly. It deserved to be read. Every. Single. Word. As a parent of 2 differently wired kids, this spoke to me personally, and to the balancing act between the ‘normal’ and differently wired worlds I occupy as their mom. Reber scoops you up, and lets you know you are not in this alone. And that’s the real power of this book.

Are there any parenting books you’re on the fence about reading, or would like me to review? Let me know in the comments below, and I promise to add them to the list!

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