Why You Should Be Starting A Journal For Your Child
To answer the question of whether or not you should be starting a journal for your child, let me just bluntly ask you- are you as emotionally connected to your child as you want to be?
My guess is that you answered ‘no.’ Which isn’t to say that your relationship with your child is horrible. But something good can always be better. Right?
What parent doesn’t crave that connection with their kid- the real one where you can see the love and warmth in their eyes? It’s what the dreams of pregnant moms everywhere are made of!
But the reality is usually different than the dream. Some kids just don’t talk to their moms and dads. At least not about the stuff that’s on their heart. So, even if you have a kid that won’t stop talking, you might still feel like you know nothing about them!
Why Doesn’t My Kid Want To Talk To Me?
Some kids don’t want to talk because they just don’t feel comfortable expressing themselves. Whether it’s introvertedness, the desire to be private, anxiety that somehow they’ll get the answer ‘wrong,’ or maybe a lack of self-awareness- these kids are what I’d call ‘reluctant talkers.’ They can talk to you; they just don’t want to.
Other kids just don’t have the language to express it. Maybe your kid is struggling with a speech-delay, developmental delay, auditory-processing disorder, or other information-processing disorder. But whatever the case is, it’s really hard to have a conversation with a kid who physically or cognitively struggles to answer you.
It makes it really difficult to keep up your enthusiasm to engage with your kids when all they give you is one-word answers- even to open-ended questions! The temptation to just turn back to your phone and give-up asking questions is so strong. But instead of giving up, you’re here! You’re awesome!
You can start with trying out some of these games to help kids open up and talk to you, and even add in some journaling to help connect with your kid.
Journaling for A Better Relationship
Starting a journal for your child addresses both those problems by a) taking the face to face interaction out of it, and b) helping the kid to feel more comfortable to express themselves without fear of judgment. It also helps them gain language because they have the time to consider what they’re ‘saying.’ This is a great method for kids who prefer to process information slowly.
Journaling uses one of the less known options to communicate with these reluctant and late talkers- writing! But it can work wonders. There doesn’t need to be a great conversation about whether or not they would like to do this with you. It only takes 3 tiny steps!
- Simply pick out an intriguing journal (see the options below). It could even be decorated in some of their favorite colors or characters. Whatever helps!
- Then you write the initial entry. Maybe start with a compliment or something you really appreciate about them. Explain that you would love to share this journal, filled with their thoughts about the day, or even just silly stories! Whenever they’re done they can leave it on your bed (or desk, or dresser, etc.).
- Lastly, just mysteriously leave it on their pillow. Humans love intrigue, and chances are that your kid won’t be able to help themselves, and they’ll be compelled to open it!
(New fun, fancy ‘grown-up’ pens never hurt, either!)
Options for Starting A Journal For Your Child
1. Journaling back and forth.
These are things like Mother-Son, Mother-Daughter, or general Parent-Child journals. The ones below all have prompts, so if you’re a little unsure about this process and don’t want to do a ton of prep-work, they would be a great option for you!
But, you could even start with just a cheap composition journal; less pressure to make it happen.
2. Letter writing
If you want to start with a low cost-of-entry, you could try letter-writing back and forth. All you need is paper. And envelopes if you want to get really crazy! Letters might be a format that your kid is more comfortable with. And it not, letter-writing is a dying art that your kid would definitely benefit from learning!
If you happen to be a crafty type of person, you could even set up a fun mailbox system that might just have everyone in your family writing letters to each other! A cereal box, cut in half and decorated would be a beautiful mailbox! And a fun way to involve your kid in getting the process started.
3. Comic books
If you have a kid who may not be a strong writer yet, or just really enjoys comics or drawing, this could be your ticket! You can share true-life stories, or make-up epic tales about brave heroes, or whatever silly stories your child may have in their head! The more you engage with them and follow their lead, the better this process will go. Although this isn’t technically a journal, I love this blank comic book because it gives structure but still leaves TONS of space for creativity.
General Guidelines for Starting A Journal For Your Child
1. What happens in the journal stays in the journal (Ie: Respect Their Privacy)
Don’t talk about what you two have written, unless they bring it up first. So, as much as it might pain you, you can’t talk about the journal over breakfast. But this isn’t a secrecy thing. It’s about giving them a little reprieve from feeling like they’re being interrogated when you ask about their day.
When you’re first starting a journal for your child, I wouldn’t make an overt confidentiality statement, in case they write something that you truly need to share. For example, as a therapist, times when I’ll break confidentiality include if someone has told me about thoughts of harm to themselves or others. Kids have an acute sense of justice, so if you tell them you’ll always keep everything private, they’ll hold you to that. The best bet here would be to demonstrate that you’ll keep their privacy through your actions, and not promise it with your words.
2. Avoid Correction At All Costs
This is not the time to correct their spelling, grammar, or hand-writing. Just let it be. When you cringe about the spelling, just remember the goal of you journaling together is better communication, with the ultimate goal of being better connected with your kid! From their perspective, it’s hard to feel connected when you’re being told you’re doing it wrong. And the purpose of language is communication- so even if the word is wrong or messy, as long as you understood the gist of what they’re saying, they communicated successfully!
3. Write for your audience
This refers to both the content, and your writing style. So first, be cautious of what you write. This is probably not the moment to go on a rant about how your boss is a jerk or to vent about your spouse. But personal stories can good- especially if there’s a lesson to be learned. But just be mindful that you’re writing to your kid.
And depending on your kid’s reading level, you may need to keep the words and sentences short and simple. Lists are a great way to accomplish this if you’re not using prompts. Things like, “5 Reasons I love you” or “The funniest things you’ve ever done” can be good jumping off points.
4. Have fun!
This is meant to be a way to connect with your kiddo. So NEVER use it as a punishment or consequence. Try to set a weekly schedule (or figure out a routine – or lack thereof- that works for you!). That way neither of you are racing to get it back to the other overnight.
Enjoy Your Parent-Child Journal!
Starting a journal for your child can be a really rewarding journey. You’ll feel better connected, and you’ll be teaching your kid so many important things. (Things we didn’t even touch on in this post, like basic reading and writing skills, emotional intelligence and self-introspection!) So whether you use a simple back-and-forth journal- with or without prompts- or you write letters to each other, or you collaborate on a comic book, I know you’ll have a great time sharing this with your kid!
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