Tag: Preschoolers

Create New Family Traditions in 15 Minutes (Or Less!)

Why Are Family Traditions So Important?

In short, because they anchor us. Family traditions give us a sense of place and time. They take us from just knowing that it’s Christmas, or the 4th of July, or Friday night, to experiencing it. 

Have you ever had a holiday where you didn’t do what you normally do? Maybe you went on vacation instead of to Grandma’s house. I’ll bet anything that you (or someone next to you) said, “It just doesn’t feel like Christmas this year.” 

That is the power of family traditions.

They create a sense of order within the year. And they help us continue to look forward to the next thing! 

Are Family Traditions Only for Holidays?

No! Family traditions are usually associated with the big holidays, like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but you can have traditions for every day of the week if you wanted!

Some examples of how to build family traditions into your weekly life would be Friday-night-pizza-night, or having family game night on Sunday evenings. Even week-night dinners can turn into family traditions!

Of course, there are also birthdays, and smaller holidays, like Valentine’s Day or Father’s Day, that lend themselves pretty naturally to family traditions, as well.

Family Traditions and Childhood Memories

Family traditions may be the easiest way to hardwire happy childhood memories into your kids. 

Human memory is endlessly fascinating, but in general, we tend to remember the things that either happened all the time or the things that are so unique and important (for better or for worse) that they leave an indelible imprint on our minds.  

Family traditions can actually hit both those categories. A simple tradition, like singing “Happy Birthday” can be something that happens all the time (like at every birthday) and something that is unique and important (think of how special you feel when everyone is singing to you on your birthday, especially as a kid!).

Memory and the 5 Senses

Our 5 senses are also very important in creating those memories. When something happens to heighten our senses, it tends to alert our minds that something important is going on. It also creates additional ‘points’ on our ‘memory maps’ (aka neural networks) that help strengthen the staying power of that memory.

So it would make sense that a childhood memory that goes beyond the base of making an emotional connection would become more likely to stick around for the long-term. Playing a game with your family can be a great memory. But if there’s some music in the background, laughter, or even the smell of homemade cookies in the oven? And if you do that weekly? That’s the recipe for a long-term memory- and your kid remembering their childhood as a happy one.

How to Start New Family Traditions

Using this free printable, and the examples of family traditions below can make it easy.

Create a Family Tradition in Just 15 Minutes

Grab a timer and a notebook. Let’s go!

Minutes 0:00-2:00- Who 

Who is this family tradition for? Is it everyone, or is it just one parent and one of the kids? Maybe it’s for the whole extended family. Deciding who will be involved will set the stage for the rest of the family tradition.

Example: This tradition is about the kids- either or both parents will be just fine.

Minutes 2:01-4:00- When and Where

Is this going to be a daily, weekly or holiday/event-based tradition? Or maybe it’s more on an as-needed basis?  Then choose where this will occur. Knowing whether this is something that you want to occur in the kid’s bedroom, the car or the kitchen will determine a lot about how many other factors you can incorporate.

Example: This is going to be a tradition around coming home from school and transitioning to the evening. I’m not sure I’ll have enough bandwidth to do this every day, so I’m going to start with just Friday after-school. This will generally be at home, although it could vary on special occasions.

Minutes 4:01-6:00: Taste

Will there be a taste specifically associated with this tradition? This would definitely be the category to consider if your family tradition will include food (like birthday cake!).

Example: I’d love to have a ‘predictable’ treat, but balance it with something healthy. Cheese and crackers are an easy treat, and maybe even have a bowl of m&ms out, too! 

Minutes 6:01-8:00: Touch

Touch can mean so many things! Touch can include anything from a sprinkler, to a hug to a sensory bin. Is there a specific blanket, or even a secret handshake involved in this family tradition? 

Example: A big bear hug is going to be part of this tradition- and mandatory if they want candy! (I’m only sorta kidding!) 

Minutes 8:01-10:00: Smell

Smells are the sense that is most closely associated with our memory, because the olfactory bulb (aka the smell center in the brain) is physically the closest to the hippocampus, where memory is processed and stored. Although it can be a weird thing to spend a minute thinking about, try not to overlook it just for that sake.

Example: I could make cookies every week, but honestly that sounds like it could be too much of a commitment for me. I’m more likely to buy a certain scent of a candle, and only have it lit on Friday afternoons.

Minutes 10:01-12:00: Sight

Sight is where you can include any decorations you might put up. You can also consider what the lighting might be like- dim for bedtimes, pitch-black for movie nights, and natural lighting for outdoor activities!

Example: For a weekly Friday-fun-day I’m not planning to have any decorations. Maybe eventually I’ll pick a certain bowl and or plate in my cupboard, or a fun one from a thrift store, and have it be the official snack-plate and/or candy bowl of Fun Fridays.

Minutes 12:01-14:00: Hear

I love using the senses as a way to guide your thoughts about starting new family traditions because it’s such a wide-open guideline! ‘Hearing’ is no different! Whether it’s a question (like “what are you thankful for?” during Thanksgiving dinner) or certain music (Christmas, anyone?), incorporating it into your family traditions can lead to even stronger memories.

Example: My kids aren’t natural ‘talkers’, so to help draw them out, I’d like to start with questions. We could either do the standard, “What was the best and worst part of your week?” or we could use our box of dinner questions. Maybe I’ll eventually get around to making a playlist of some upbeat oldies I know they won’t hear anywhere else.

Minute 14:01-15:00: Bring it all together

Take a (literal) minute to review everything you wrote down, and bring it all together. Pick one or two things to start with, and then build it up from there! Star those, and then you can even write dates (like 1 month from now, next year, whatever works for you) so that you know you’ll be back for it. 

Example: I’m coming up with a Fun Friday for my kids to highlight the transition home from school for the weekend. We’ll have a simple snack of cheese and crackers, with a special treat (like bagged candy), and everyone will get a big bear hug when they come home. Everyone can share their highlights and low points from the week.

Once I get that going strong, I’ll get a candle and light it just on Fridays (like in the kitchen, not like I’m trying to set a mood or something). I’ll also keep my eyes open for a snack plate/candy bowl. And maybe make a fun playlist when I have some downtime! 

The Importance of Family Traditions

Family traditions are one of the best tools you have to create that indescribable sense of family.

Traditions give a kid a sense of time within the year, and keep them looking forward to the small things. They also build a sense of place for them within the family, and help them feel like they are rooted and belong. And as a bonus- they keep that childhood energy alive for you, too!

In short, “The traditions we create today will be the memories our children cherish in the future.”

What family traditions do you have? Are there any you’re excited to start? Leave your comments below!

Ways to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety

The other day, my 8-year-old was a captive audience in the van. And I wanted to touch base with him about something that had been on my mind. So, I asked, “Honey, I’m curious, do you ever think about climate change? Is it something you have any feelings about?”

His immediate answer? An emphatic YES. “Oh really?” I said. “Yeah, I have tons of feelings about it.”

“Really? Which ones?”

“Well, just one type of feeling…Worry.”

That caught me off guard. I don’t know why it did; everything points to the fact that he should be worried. But as a mom, I wanted to brush this back under the rug. To tell him, “Oh, it’ll all be ok. The grown-ups will fix this. Don’t worry.”

But, therapeutically, this is unhelpful at best, and damaging at worst. He’s allowed to experience whatever feelings he has.

I also know too much to believe that any of what I wanted to say is actually true.

But most importantly, I know he’s not alone.

What Is Climate Anxiety?

It really is just what it sounds like. It’s anxiety, specifically based on concern or worry about the environment and/or climate. You may also hear it called eco-anxiety.

Excessive worry over weather patterns, melting glaciers, extinction, over-population, plastics (and the list goes on) are all examples of climate anxiety. It can become paralyzing for kids, and adults, alike. If your kid is experiencing climate anxiety, and it can spiral into hopelessness and a fairly existential crisis if left unaddressed.

Is Climate Change Actually Causing Anxiety?

The American Psychological Association did release a paper addressing the interplay between mental health and climate change. Essentially, they answered the question, “Is climate change causing anxiety” with a resounding YES.

Although it’s not currently in the DSM-5, which means you can’t get an actual diagnosis,  you can receive climate anxiety counseling.

The good news is that there’s a fine line between overwhelming and paralyzing anxiety about the climate, and a sense of urgency that pushes us into action. When addressing eco-anxiety with our kids, we’re ultimately going to focus on ways to take individual action.

How to Talk To Your Kids About Climate Change

Climate change is a HUGE topic, with lots of moving parts. But personally, teaching my kids about these giant topics and getting to emphasize the parts that I value the most, is one of my favorite parts of parenting!

So, just like with any other large, sometimes challenging concepts (think sex, or religious beliefs) it’s best to go slow, and start with the basics.

Start with a foundation of what nature is, and grow an appreciation for it! Spend time at parks, on walks, or visiting nearby National or State parks. This step cannot be understated. And it should be repeated as often as possible.

And then proceed based on the developmental level of your child. A 4-year-old and 10-year-old are going to be able to think- and process their feelings- about climate change very differently!

If you’re looking for a few books to help explain climate and the environment to kids, here are a (very) few recommendations:

  1. National Parks of the USA by Kate Siber
  2. The Honeybee by Kirsten Hall, illustrated by Isabelle Arsenault
  3. What Is Climate Change by Gail Herman (in the style of the Who/What Was? series)
  4. Not For Me, Please! I Choose To Act Green by Maria Godsey, illustrated by Christopher J Kellner
  5. Who Turned Up the Heat? Eco-Pigs Explain Global Warming by Lisa S. French, illustrated by Barry Gott
  6. A Kid’s Guide to the Green New Deal- How to Save the Planet, (Ebook) by Billy Goodman, illustrated by Paul Meisel

    Hope and Action are the Best Solutions for Climate Anxiety

    I know it can be tough, especially if you’re experiencing eco-anxiety yourself- but try to leave your kid with an actionable step (keep reading for a few ideas), and a little bit of hope. Try to leave the apocalyptic imagery and most of the doom and gloom out of your discussions.

    Finding a balance between urgency is terror is hard. But giving them hope is one of the best ways to avoid climate anxiety or depression, while still raising a kid who cares about the environment.

    RESOURCES TO GIVE YOUR CHILD HOPE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT

      [bctt tweet=”Hope and action are the best solutions for climate anxiety.” prompt=”tell a friend”]

      How Kids Can Address Climate Change, by Age Group

      Climate change is a problem too large for any single person- or even country- to solve. Which is the paradox that has led to so much inaction over the decades. Psychology even has a term for this: the bystander effect.

      Effectively, the more bystanders are around, the less likely they are to assist a person (or in this case, an environment) in distress. The thought process is, “Oh, there are plenty of people here. Someone else MUST already be doing something about that. I don’t want to intervene, I’ll just get in the way.”

      And while those thoughts are pretty typical, they’re wildly unhelpful.

      To help combat the bystander effect, and get your kid engaged in protecting the environment, encourage your kid to think about their efforts multiplied by 7.7 billion.

      Action is the number one tool to help kids cope with climate anxiety.

      Actions to Help Kids Cope with Climate Anxiety & Save The Environment- Toddlers and Preschoolers

      For the youngest kids, (toddlers and preschoolers) these are easy introductions that will help to start build a habit. Most of these actions will focus on what they can do around the home, because in the toddler, preschool and even early elementary ages, their world isn’t that big.

      • Plant something. The larger the better. But even an herb will do. A tree is great, but the point at the younger ages is an appreciation of nature.
      • If they like pushing the kid-size carts at the store, have them be in charge of their own reusable bag at the store
      • Teach them to put clean or lightly-worn clothes back in their drawers (thus reducing the amount of laundry to-do)
      • Do a garbage pick-up at a local park
      • Have them be in charge of turning off lights when people leave a room
      • Let them help put winterizing caulk in drafty windows (the stuff that’s like a rope of putty)
      • Teach them to recycle
      • Creative Family Fun has a list of ideas of activities for kids who want to save the Earth

      Actions to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety & Save the Environment- Elementary School

      As kids grow, their world view grows. A 4th grader is much more aware of the world around her, and more capable of interacting with it. While building on the ideas above, these ideas will start including other places in their life (school, etc.) and advocacy.

      CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS:

      • Build a rain barrel. Here are 30 ideas for DIY rain barrels, so one is sure to fit your family’s needs!
      • Start identifying and trying to avoid single-use plastics
      • Build- and use- a compost bin (bringing the compost from the kitchen to the bin every night is a great chore!)
      • Have them help with meal-planning/grocery shopping by choosing a meatless meal (or two!) for dinner this week
      • Help them calculate your family’s carbon footprint with an online tool. Brainstorm ways to reduce it; write down your score or take a screenshot, and then compare it 6 months later to see if your efforts are working.
      • Let them walk, bike, or ride the bus to school at least one more day per week than they already are.
      • Ask their school (or church, etc.) to begin a compost program, or to increase their recycling program.
      • Work on delayed gratification. If we all- including adults- practiced more delayed gratification, we could reduce our impulse consumerism drastically.
      • Explore the idea of receiving experiences, like tickets for an event, as gifts, instead of toys or clothing.
      • Take them to thrift stores to purchase gifts for others. I typically take my kids (who’s budget is $1-$3) to the Dollar Store to buy presents for the brothers during Christmastime. We could go to the thrift store instead and achieve the same goal, AND avoid all the carbon emissions that come with making cheap plastic toys.

      Actions to Help Kids Cope With Climate Anxiety and Save the Environment- Middle and High Schoolers

      These steps are going to continue building on the work you’ve already done, and continue with the theme of expanding the size of the world.

      Honestly, for responsible and thoughtful teenagers, (and preteens!) there are no limits to what they can do, and how many people they can influence. See: Greta Thunberg.

      (Side note: if you don’t understand why your kid is up in arms about climate change and experiencing eco-anxiety, watch Greta Thunberg’s speech to the UN. It’s only 4ish minutes long, and is a powerful indictment against business as usual.)

      There are nearly limitless ideas for ways to get involved for this age-group. We’re only limited by our creativity here! So, I broke down the actions into individual steps they could take, and larger scale, or ‘big picture’ ideas.

      INDIVIDUAL CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOLERS & HIGH SCHOOLERS

      • Teach kids to sew so they can mend small holes or rips in clothes
      • Give them permission to bug you to make changes. 
      • Get serious about biking and walking places; organize carpools when the distance is too far.
      • Find a way they can use their skills to fight climate change. How can they contribute with their unique skills? We’re going to need writers, leaders, engineers, teachers, farmers- and more- to solve this! So what angle would engage your kid the most?
      • Teach them to plan, purchase ingredients for, and cook a meatless or zero-waste meal (or two!)

      BIG PICTURE CLIMATE ACTIONS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOLERS & HIGH SCHOOLERS

      This is the list of actions for teens and pre-teens who want to get involved in protecting the environment on a larger scale. Here are some “big picture” ideas:

      • Encourage them to take political action. Individual changes, while important, aren’t going to be enough to keep us under 1.5 degrees Celsius to prevent irreversible global changes. So, we’re going to need sweeping changes that have to start at the political and/or business level. Some examples are:
        • Participating in climate marches
        • Writing to government representatives- and don’t forget the local and state reps! Big changes can happen on a city or state level!
        • Joining a movement like Sunrise Movement, or faith-based options like The Global Catholic Climate Movement.
        • Voting for candidates who are serious about taking steps to reduce our impact on the climate. (If they’re not 18, and you’re willing to vote on their behalf, teach them to do their research and ask who they’d like you to vote for.)
      • ENCOURAGE THEM TO SHARE NEW IDEAS! This one may be the most important. They are looking at this problem with a fresh set of eyes, and a new perspective. Encourage them to share what solutions they may see, listen, and help them put these ideas into action if possible.

        What Can We Do About Climate Anxiety and Kids?

        As adults, we understand there is a deep urgency to addressing climate change. But it’s absolutely overwhelming to our kids. When we present information in a way like, “Here are the Top 10 Environmental Issues That Should Make You Worry,” (not kidding, a real title of an article from some of the first research I was doing for this post) we aren’t giving our kids the tools they need to cope with climate anxiety.

        Instead, what they end up hearing is, “Things are so out of control that the adults can’t handle it, so yes, you as a 7-year-old should be worrying about this.”

        What we do, and the tone we set as parents deeply matters if we want our kids to be able to cope with climate anxiety, and ultimately be able to DO something about it.

        We can explain the basics, foster an appreciation of the natural world, find cause for hope, and find ways they can take action.

        Because actions always feels better than anxiety.

        Do you think your kid is suffering from climate anxiety? Have you asked? How has climate change affected your family?

               

        Stop Power Struggles With A Fun Way to Change A Kid’s Behavior

        If you have a single sarcastic bone in your body, you can use this tool to prevent power struggles. It’s also a fun way to help your preschooler or toddler listen, and change their behavior. And it’s easy, and doesn’t take much effort at all!

        I’m talking about reverse psychology. This little beauty is nearly magical- and you don’t even need to know Freudian Psychology to use it! 

        Let’s say that you have a toddler who is a dawdler (aren’t they all?!) but you really need them to put their shoes on by themselves, quickly, while you multitask and get everything else ready.

        Turn Power Struggles into Giggles
        You could choose to of have a power struggle with someone less than half your size. OR you could have a happy, giggly, cooperating kid. (I know which, I’d choose, but hey, if you’re into masochism, you do you.)
        So, instead of telling your kiddo, “Put your shoes on! And Mommy needs you to be quick today!” you’re going to actually tell them “Don’t put your shoes on.” 

        Turn Power Struggles into Giggles

        You could choose to of have a power struggle with someone less than half your size. OR you could have a happy, giggly, cooperating kid. (I know which, I’d choose, but hey, if you’re into masochism, you do you.)

        Instead of telling your kiddo, “Put your shoes on! And Mommy needs you to be quick today!” you’re going to actually tell them “Don’t put your shoes on.” 

        I know. Stay with me.

         

         

        The Power of Marketing

        Now, the trick to this is the same trick for anything toddler related. It’s ALL about the marketing. If you really want them to change their behavior, you’ve got to sell this.

        Start by putting their shoes right in front of them. It’ll make it even more tempting, and less likely that they get distracted by something else. Then lay it on thick. “Sweetie, I’ll be right back to put your shoes on. I knooooow you don’t like to do it, so I don’t want you, under any circumstance, to put your shoes on. Don’t even think about it. Don’t even touch those shoes!” 

         

        Be Over the Top

        If they’re not giggling before you leave the room, you need to lay it on thicker. “Oh! I see you’re being suuuuch a good listener!! You are soooo good to not put those shoes on! I don’t even know what I’d do if I came back and you had them on!”

        If you’re one of those awesome people who can make their eyes twinkle, you should do that while you’re saying this. We need to make sure they understand to listen to our non-verbal cues, and not the words we’re saying.

         

        Mixed Messages?

        Obviously, we’re sending two different messages, but that’s the great part! Don’t worry too much about it. Kids are incredibly intuitive, and they are excellent at interpreting their parents.

        We’ve turned this normal, every day task into a game. So you’re building relationship with your kid, and spending quality time with them, and getting them to put their darn shoes on! It’s a win-win-win.

        We’re able to stop power struggles with this because we’ve created a Catch-22 where you have all the power! You’ve told them to put on their shoes, and to NOT put on their shoes.

        So, regardless of the outcome, your kid ACTUALLY LISTENED TO YOU! No more power struggle. You are firmly back in charge.

        Say that Jane didn’t put her shoes on. Well then, you actually have nothing to be angry about, because she listened to you. Plus, with all the joking and giggles and smiles, it’ll be hard to be angry. 

        And if she did put her shoes on, then she’s done what you wanted. We’re happy and can continue peacefully with the day!

         

        Precautions

        For older kids, it doesn’t work as well to be so over the top. So this is definitely a tool to use with the littler ones. 

        Also, you don’t want to use this as your only behavior modification tool. But it is great for a ‘quick fix’ or for small problem times, like getting out the door. 

         

        If you want to learn about other ways to help manage your kid’s behavior, and avoid power struggles, make sure to sign-up below for the weekly newsletter!

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        About Alexandria

        Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!

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