Tag: Sensory Processing Disorder

Does My Kid Have ADHD? (What Else Could It Be?)

Does my child have ADHD or not?

It’s no secret that kids are being diagnosed with ADHD in the US more and more frequently. Depending on which study you read, somewhere between 5-11% of children across the US are diagnosed with ADHD. And there’s been an increase of over 3% in just 8 years! 

BUT- it’s entirely possible that many kids who are told they have ADHD are actually being misdiagnosed.

This is because the symptoms of ADHD are well known (hyperactivity, impulsiveness, lack of focus, disorganization), so it may be one of the first diagnoses doctors have in mind. And doctors and clinicians can observe these behaviors in a relatively short amount of time, which makes it easy to use for a diagnosis. 

But there are many other reasons kids may be exhibiting these behaviors most often seen with ADHD. 

Does My Child Have ADHD? Maybe Not…

ADHD is not always the answer. If you’ve been told your child has ADHD, but it doesn’t seem like the best explanation for your child’s behavior, there are other explanations.

Reasons to Question Whether or Not Your Child Has ADHD:

–There is no family history of ADHD. The hereditability rate of ADHD is around 76%. This means that if there’s someone in your (biological) family with ADHD, it’s very likely that another person will have ADHD, too. However, this also works in reverse. It’s unlikely, although possible, that one person in the gene pool will just pop up with ADHD.

–You don’t see any symptoms at home. If you’re only seeing symptoms like hyperactivity or impulsivity at school, and not at home, ADHD may not be an accurate diagnosis. For a true ADHD diagnosis, symptoms need to occur across different settings. (There’s a difference between seeing a symptom and it being a problem. It’s possible that you’re able to manage the high-energy level better at home than it can be at school. So the symptoms are still occurring across settings, but they may not be as problematic in different places.)

-If your child is receiving medication, but you don’t feel like it’s working well/correctly. It could be a sign that the brain chemistry is showing that the ADHD diagnosis is wrong. (It could also just be the wrong medication for your child; make sure to speak with your prescriber before stopping any medication as some medications can have adverse effects is suddenly stopped.)

What Else Could It Be? Other Explanations for ADHD-Like Behaviors

1. Anxiety

Anxiety makes it hard to focus, pay attention, and follow directions. Additional input is hard to process if your mind is already whirling with worries.

You may want to look into this if your child doesn’t have the typical hyperactive behaviors, but was diagnosed because of the attention-deficit part of ADHD.

2. Sensory Processing Disorder (Specifically Sensory-Seeking)

It can be tricky to tell the difference between ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. When a kid has a Sensory Processing Disorder, particularly if they’re a sensory-seeking child, they are lacking enough input on their body to tell it that they’re grounded in place. This can make them (literally) look like they’re bouncing off the wall, and they can look pretty hyperactive.

You may want to rule this diagnosis out if you have a child who can focus, but is high-energy. At this moment in time, I would recommend seeking an opinion from an OT (Occupational Therapist) since they tend to be more familiar with sensory issues than many mental health clinicians.

3. Giftedness

When kids understand the concept in 5 minutes, but the teacher spends an hour teaching, you have a recipe for boredom and lack of focus. Which can make these kids look like they have ADHD. Additionally, gifted children tend to have high (although not quite hyper) levels of energy.

These kids absolutely get misdiagnosed with ADHD. And instead of being given the education they need, they get medicated.

Black and Hispanic children are severely underrepresented in gifted programs in schools. And yet Black children are diagnosed with ADHD more often than white children, which should be a red flag.

I believe this study from the American Educational Research Association hits the nail on the head with the explanation, “What a teacher may attribute to precocity for one student may be considered disruptive behavior for another.” Of course, there are also many other variables, like access to quality education, socio-economic status, and adverse childhood events (more on that later) but don’t think the perceptions of those in charge should be discounted.  For more, here’s a great article about nurturing gifted children of color.

4. Poor Diet/Lack of Exercise or Free Time Outside

Let me start by saying, in no way do I mean to sound blaming with this one. But kids have small bodies, and they can have bigger responses to smaller doses of sugar, etc. Before you put a kid on medication, it might be worth looking at how much excess sugar, pop and caffeine they’re consuming.

Free time, especially non-structured time outside, is also critical. Kids need a chance to move their bodies. If you’re noticing an increase in hyperactive behavior during the months you stay the most indoors, this is an explanation worth exploring.

5. Learning Disorders

Non-verbal learning disorders (like dyslexia/dysgraphia/dyscalculia/slow-processing disorder) can create challenges when asked to focus at school. If you’re struggling to read the words or numbers in front of you, or you just can’t make the words come out of your pencil, chances are you’re going to lose focus and not want to pay much attention.

This could be the case if you didn’t see any signs of ADHD at home, and school was the first place it was noticed. If you think your child might have a learning disability, here are some additional steps you can take.

5. Auditory Processing Disorder

Kids with Auditory Processing Disorder have a difficult time taking in verbal instructions. They may also have a delay in responding to questions, which can make it seem like they’re not paying attention. This leads to the appearance of being inattentive, or even actual inattentiveness because it’s a challenge to pay attention. 

You may want to talk to the school psychologist about this if ADHD is being suggested as a diagnosis, but you’re not seeing much impulsivity (because all kids are a little impulsive) or hyperactivity.

6. PTSD/Stress Disorders

As much as we’d all like to think of childhood as this really idyllic, safe, wonderful time, it’s an unfortunate truth that many kids experience stressful- and even violent- events during their childhood. 

If you’re constantly stressed and in fight-or-flight (or freeze) mode, it’s hard to focus. You may also have additional energy to burn off from all the adrenaline. You may have also developed coping skills that would distract others before conflict could arise (which may appear as some ‘class clown’ type of behavior). 

Additionally, kids who live in poverty have higher incidents of adverse childhood events– most of which could be considered trigger events for PTSD. This mimics the impact of poverty on the rate of ADHD diagnosis. 

My Child Has An ADHD Diagnosis. Why Should I Mess With It?

First, let me assume you’ve read this far because you’re truly wondering if your child has ADHD. We both know that pursuing a new/additional diagnosis can be time-consuming, expensive, exhausting and even heart-breaking.

But you know your child better than anyone. Trust yourself, and follow your parenting instincts. The worst case scenario is that you don’t find any other explanation, but you get to know that you are a great advocate for your child and you tried your best. At best, you find a more correct diagnosis for your kid.

The right diagnosis can open the door to the right treatment. Seeking the most complete information about your child is a form of advocacy. And it shows your kid that you won’t stop fighting for them.

It’s important to note that ADHD can occur in addition to many of the previously discussed disorders/explanations. It is possible that you could come away from investigating this more closely with two diagnoses; the ADHD + something else. But if you have the flu and a broken leg, you’re going to want treatment for both. Not just one, and hope the other resolves on it’s own.

Does My Child Have ADHD? Getting Second Opinions

You know your child better than anyone. After educating yourself about the symptoms and what it may look like in your kid, if you still don’t think ADHD is the answer, you may want to consider a second opinion.

If you have a therapist, doctor or counselor who balks at the idea that it’s anything but ADHD, try getting another assessment from someone else. At the very minimum, they should be willing to explore and rule other diagnoses out. A good clinician will always be open to exploring and improving their diagnosis to find the answer to whether or not your child has ADHD.

So if your child has an ADHD diagnosis that isn’t sitting right with you, do some self-reflection and figure out why.

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How to Make Bath Time Fun!

How to Make Bath Time Fun!

Are you in search of a few quick, easy ways to make bath time fun? And do you need those answers, like, yesterday?

I get it! Some kids HATE bathtime. Maybe they struggle with Sensory Processing Disorder, maybe they have a phobia of the bath, or other anxiety about water, maybe they’d rather just keep their well-earned filth on them. Who knows! (Actually, you probably do!)

But that doesn’t mean they don’t eventually neeeeeed a bath. And it is truly exhausting when it reaches that point. 30 minutes of screaming and crying, and you’re remembering some history book that said people 200 years ago got a bath once a year. Your kid would live, right?

But it might not have to be this hard. I have some great ideas to make bath time more fun for even the toughest customer, so keep reading!

Ideas To Make Bath Time Fun

1. Bath Fizzes

Whether it’s homemade bath bombs, or the little fizzes, these will definitely distract your kid long enough to get them washed

2. Bath Crayons

Because when else are they allowed to draw on the wall?!

3. Water Toys

There are a bajillion bath toys on the market. Find one that’ll peak their interest! Also, anything can be a bath toy as long as it’s not electric, or maybe wood. We’ve definitely taken favorite plastic super-hero toys in the bath under the pretense that the Avengers needed a good washdown, too.

4. Glow sticks

This is a really cool bath idea! Grab a pack of glow sticks, turn off the lights in the bathroom (maybe keep a nightlight on for safety) and watch your kid become mesmerized by the neon lights!

5. Bath Foam

Or you can just use shaving cream.

6. Fun Bath Time Music

Nothing turns it into a party faster than some good music!

7. Rewards for getting clean without crying!

If your kid knows they can earn a special show or book, or a small treat, or whatever, they might just start asking for bath time!

Ideas to make bath time fun for kids with sensory processing disorder or anxiety

8. Check your water

This may require a bit of experimentation, but try the bath at different temperatures to see if that helps your kiddo adjust to bath time better.

9. Change washcloths

Maybe your kid needs more or less bumpy. Some kids can’t handle the soapy feeling, and others the roughness of a washcloth.

10. Avoid unsupported head-tilting

Head tilting may be hard-  because it involves the vestibular sense- so you could try washing hair in the sink. (And then rest their head on a propped-up collander if they would feel more secure that way.)

11. Sponge bath

Have them sit in a plastic kids chair and do a sponge bath if they can’t sit in water

12. Gradual is key

Let them sit in the water as you start the tub so they can gradually get used to the sensation of water. If they have a phobia of water, this may help them feel more confident that they can control how much water is going in.

13. Wear a swim suit

If you have a kid who’ll go swimming, but not take a bath, break out the swim suit!

14. Try a suds-free shampoo

That soapy sensation from most typical shampoos may be too much to handle, depending on the child. Some love it, some really don’t.

15. Take less (or more) baths

Reduce or increase the amount of bath times as needed! Some kids need repeated exposure to feel more comfortable, and others need less. Kids who have started edging towards puberty don’t need to bathe as often as we may think. It’s very unregimented, but try just washing when they’re dirty or smelly.

How To Make Bath Time Fun For Kids Who Hate Getting Their Hair Washed

16. Use A Focal Point

Put stickers on the tub for kids to focus on and look at so you can get different angles of their hair washed/rinsed

17. Swimming goggles/ear plugs

For a lot of kids, getting water in their ears or eyes is a deal-breaker. Yes, the swimming goggles complicate hair washing. But just imagine having bath time with NO screaming!

18. Hand-held shower attachment

Using a hand-held shower attachment is another option for a more controlled way to wet and rinse the hair to try and avoid the eyes and ears.

19. Empty shampoo bottle

These also have a small opening for a more controlled pour

20. Let kids be in control

See if your kid wants to be in charge of at least wetting their hair. Being in control may be a great way to help make bath time for fun for a toddler, and make it less stressful for them. (and you!)

21. Cover their face during hair washing

I have to credit my husband for this tactic that works like a charm in my house. We start with 2 hand-towels, and let our son hold a dry towel over his face while I pour the water over his head, and I help check that his ears are ‘plugged’ with the towels, too. Then we use another dry, fresh hand-towel to hold over his face while we rinse.

22. Focus on Play Time

Just let them play in the bath every other time (unless your kid is super dirty) and save the washing for next time! Nothing will make bath time more fun than just being allowed to play! Also, this will help identify where you’re real problem is: the feeling of water, or of being washed.

23. Avoid unsupported head tilting

I know it’s already above, but in case you missed it, head tilting may be hard-  because it involves the vestibular sense- so you could try washing hair in the sink. (And then rest their head on a propped-up collander if they would feel more secure that way.)

24. Inflatable bath pillow

This is in the same vein as the last tip, but it might help your child feel more secure if they can lay down flat in an inch or two of water and have their head on a pillow while you wash their hair.

Bonus tips to make bath time fun!

25. Try a shower If bath time just isn’t working out, try giving your kid a shower!

Turn it on low water pressure and let the water fall down. A little ‘verbal judo’ (because with kids, it’s ALL about the marketing), and your child could play in a “waterfall” instead of having to take a bath.

26. Wear swim suits and make it a party!

This is more of a temporary solution, but if you can get your kid into the shower or tub, and help them have a positive association with it, I’d call that a win!

How to develop your own tactics to make bath time fun for your child

Any time you need a solution, it’s always critical to pinpoint the problem. Honestly, the best way to do that is to be a scientist and run mini science experiments on your kids. It’s WAY more harmless than it sounds. Just change one thing at a time, and watch for any differences.

Make notes as you go, and remember, even if you find that one change doesn’t work for your child, that’s still progress! Learning is always a step forward! And we all know that parenting isn’t easy. But through trial and error, you’ll find what works!

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ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder

ADHD And Sensory Processing Disorder

Where To Turn

It’s been getting worse. Every day is a ‘bad day’ now. And it’s exhausting.

You monitor behaviors. You follow the direction of all the therapists and doctors. Meds are never missed. But something is still off.

You love your kid. But they’re a puzzle to figure out. A solution can work one day, and cause a fit the next. Your head is swimming trying to remember everything you’ve done before to see if it was successful, or if you could tweak it somehow.

And it’s all coming at you so fast right now. You can hardly deal with one crisis before the next one comes banging down your door. You’re not even getting a chance to take a breather. Let alone time to think!

What if it’s not getting better because you’re treating the wrong thing?

ADHD And Sensory Processing Disorder

If you’ve been treating your kid for ADHD, but not getting much traction, you owe it to yourself to learn more about Sensory Processing Disorder. Specifically, sensory seeking behavior.

ADHD and Sensory seeking can look very similar. They share some of the same behaviors. And there is even a huge amount of overlap of people who have both ADHD and sensory issues.

 

Is ADHD a sensory disorder?

The short answer is no. But there’s a lot of overlap between the two, so it’s easy to see why you may think that. They are two separate entities, though. So, let’s start by clarifying the two things.

 ADHD is a mental health disorder. It’s caused by imbalances in the brain. It is recognized by most psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists as a mental illness, and can be treated by both medication and talk therapy.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a neurological disorder. It is not in the current diagnostic manual (DSM 5) for mental health professionals, and therefore they generally would not be able to accurately identify or diagnose SPD.

Research has not determined the exact cause of SPD. The current understanding is that the brain has trouble processing sensory input from a person’s environment. It can be either over, or under, responsive. And this is how you end up with people who are either sensory-avoiding or sensory-seeking.

Although these are distinct diagnosis, and each has unique defining characteristics, there IS a large percentage of people with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder.

Common Symptoms of ADHD

Since people tend to be more familiar with ADHD, they tend to think they’re also familiar with what it looks like and the associated behaviors.

But that can be dangerous! You can see the danger when teachers, other parents, and even just people on the street may try to diagnose your kid based on one or two classic symptoms.

So here is a list of some of the classic behaviors you would see in a kid with ADHD. For a complete list, grab the printable. 

Symptoms of ADHD in Kids

• Rushes through work and make careless mistakes

• Will not pay attention to detail, or only listens to the first half of the directions

• Will start ‘fun’ tasks but has trouble finishing them

• Doesn’t want to do tasks that require lots of trying, or ‘sustained mental effort’

• Has poor time management skills; over or underestimates how much time it takes to do something or get somewhere, or doesn’t have a good sense of what time it actually is.

• Has challenges with sequential activities, or knowing what to do next, even with daily routines

• Doesn’t appear to be listening, even if you’re talking directly to them

• Mind wanders freely and easily

*Make sure to grab this printable checklist for Sensory Processing Disorder! That way you can take your time to think it over and observe your child in a new context!

What does it mean to have sensory issues?

It just means that a person has trouble processing one or more of their senses. They’re either under-stimulated by their senses, and seeking more input. (Another, less discussed option is that they’re oversensitive to certain senses and feeling overwhelmed by the input.)

One of the easiest ways to think of SPD is on a spectrum. Sensory avoiding would be on one far end, and sensory seeking would be on the other end. Sensory balance would be the center point. 

Note- I’m not an OT, so this is a super-simplified explanation

Everyone in the world needs to process sensory information, so everyone is somewhere on this continuum. When someone struggles to process all their sensory input, that means they have “sensory issues.” You’ll often hear people say they (or their kid) have sensory problems or sensory issues. Usually, this is because A) it’s easier to discuss without sounding medical, or B) because their child hasn’t received the full diagnosis of SPD.

What are the types of sensory disorders?

While there aren’t different types of sensory disorders, people may have challenges with any of their seven senses. WHAT?! 7?! Yup- I typed that correctly!

Most people are already very familiar with the first 5 senses- sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. But there are 2 MORE!

• Vestibular– This sense deals with movement and balance.

• Proprioceptive– This is about where your body awareness and where you are in space.

And then you throw into the mix whether your kid is sensory seeking or sensory avoiding.

• Sensory Seeking– These kids are under-stimulated by the senses. They appear to always crave MORE. More movement, more noise, more things to chew on, more spinning, more touching (or just plain old crashing).

• Sensory Avoiding– They are over-stimulated by the senses around them. These are kids who appear to try and block things out. They may put their hands over their ears, or complain about brightness, or avoid swings and slides.

• Sensory Disregarder– There is also the possibility that your kid is under-responsive to sensations. It sounds similar to sensory seeking, but is a separate category although it’s not talked about nearly as much. These are kids who don’t seem to respond to their sensory environment. They may look “clumsy” or “slumpy” or withdrawn.

So, there is only one Sensory Processing Disorder, but it could appear in many, many ways. You could have any combination of seeking, avoiding, or disregarding with any of the 7 senses.

 

Can a child be sensory seeking and avoiding?

Yes! Of course! Is anything with your kid straight-forward?! Sorry to let you know, but that trend isn’t going to change now!

Kids can process each of their senses in different ways, so it’s completely possible for them to be a Seeker and Avoider.

For example, a kid might be easily overstimulated by light but under-stimulated by their vestibular system. It is possible for a kid to have different responses to different senses. AND, fun fact, it’s totally possible for a kid to be averse to sounds, but still be the loudest kid you know.

 

Sensory Seeking vs. ADHD

I have a comprehensive printable Sensory Processing Disorder checklist that you can use to check out which senses your kid may need more- or less- of! And, bonus, I’ve included the checklist of ADHD symptoms so you can compare! 

Remember, you can’t fix what you don’t understand.

You’ll get a good idea of different signs of sensory issues, and if your kid is showing sensory seeking behaviors and/or ADHD. I’ve included different ideas for both seeking and avoiding behaviors for the 7 senses.

Personally, I didn’t see the sensory issues in my kids until I saw them listed out in front of my face. Maybe you don’t need to be hit over the head with things (like me!) but I would definitely encourage you to take a look! In any case, it’s nice to rule something out.

 

Can Sensory Processing Disorder Be Outgrown?

No. But I totally get why this is an enduring myth. I mean, you don’t see many adults walking around having sensory melt-downs because their tag is itchy or the sun is too bright or the music in the car is too loud. But that’s because- over the decades- we’ve learned our triggers and have developed coping mechanisms.

For example, most adults buy their own clothes. If you go into a store and try on a shirt, and you can’t stop the weird shimmying because it feels itchy and wrong to you, then you just don’t buy it. No one asks you to wear that shirt every Tuesday.

And there are a million tiny coping mechanisms like that that adults do every day. People put earbuds in at work to drown out the buzzing of the lights or the printer. They stash sunglasses in every purse, diaper bag and nook of their car. They simply don’t eat foods they don’t like. Remember, everyone is somewhere on that sensory continuum.

So with treatment and time, it IS possible to learn to cope with sensory problems.

 

What is the Treatment for Sensory Processing Disorder?

The most common treatment for toddlers and kids with SPD is to work with an Occupational Therapist (OT). They will do an assessment to develop a sensory profile of your child. Then they can work with them to address their sensory needs and develop coping skills.

The OT may do Sensory Integration Therapy with your kid to help organize their brain with the sensory input they receive. Or they may work on desensitization. Desensitization can be a great tool for sensory, and help kids build up tolerance, especially for their ‘smaller’ challenges. A good OT will also work with you to develop coping skills your kid can use in their daily life. They’ll work with you so you can help your kid implement those coping skills into their actual lives. (Because real life is waaay different than the nice controlled therapy setting.)

They may also recommend a “sensory diet.”

 

What Is a Sensory Diet?

Very generally, a sensory diet is the plan you develop, possibly in conjunction with your OT,  to help address your child’s sensory needs each day. It may involve providing chances for your child to explore new sensations in a sensory bin, to help desensitize their sense of touch. Or it may involve satisfying their vestibular needs with activities like swinging and spinning. The plans can range from simple to fairly complicated.

 

Can Sensory and ADHD Affect Each Other?

A recent study from the University of Colorado suggests that up to 40% of kids with ADHD also have sensory issues. This is a very high level of co-occurence, but so far researchers have not been able to definitively explain why these 2 disorders go hand in hand so often.

 

Can ADHD Cause Sensory Issues?

Technically, no. But they can definitely exacerbate each other. The lack of impulse control can become even more apparent, and it’s possible to see kids respond to their sensory needs at an even lower threshold than they otherwise might have.

To complicate the issue, many of the symptoms of sensory processing can masquerade as ADHD. When a kid hits their sensory threshold and ventures into sensory overload, they can often become impulsive, or even aggressive, because of this innate, deep desire to find balance in their world.

Sensory Overload and ADHD

What Is Sensory Overload? Is Sensory Overload A Symptom of ADHD?

Sensory overload is when a person reaches the point when they are overstimulated by their surroundings. When I was trying to explain this to my son I used the analogy of a jar of pebbles or rocks. (We were -unsuccessfully- trying to force a flower bulb at that time, and conveniently had a mason jar of pebbles on our table.)

So, imagine that everyone has a mason jar for their sensory needs. When they wake up, it tends to be pretty well balanced. But (in our case, I was talking about an avoider) throughout the day, each little sensory challenge adds up and causes more rocks to be put in. Each little tag being weird, or the sun’s brightness, or kids being too loud at school adds rocks to their jar. And different events can add different amounts of rocks.

If they’re given a chance to find some balance afterwards, then it’s also possible for the rocks to be removed from the jar. (This is why you would want to consider putting a sensory solution into your child’s behavior plan or IEP at school.)

Most often though, kids end up accumulating these rocks, and filling up waaaaaaay faster than they can respond. And when they’re full, it’s called sensory overload.

 

What’s a Sensory Threshold?

Now imagine that most kids walk around with a generic sized 1-quart mason jar. They have a typical sensory threshold. Kids with sensory processing issues tend to have jars that are sized differently. A sensory avoider may have a little tiny jam jar. It may only take a small handful of rocks for them to reach their sensory threshold and venture into sensory overload- and sensory meltdown- territory.

A kid who is sensory seeking may have a giant 2-quart jar. With a lonely little pebble rattling around inside of it. And that kid is desperately seeking to fill his jar at least half-way.

Everyone one of us has a different sensory threshold.

The nice thing about kids is that, if you pay attention to their behavior, they’ll tell you when they’ve reached their limit!

 

So How Can I Help My Child With Sensory Issues?

The best way to help your kid is to get them into therapy, work with their school, and provide opportunities at home to support them. Explain what’s going on to them if they’re old/mature enough to understand. Personally, I’ve found that just understanding these behaviors through the lens of sensory -and not because they’re trying to deliberately be bad- is incredibly helpful.

If you’d like to take things into your own hands, I have to recommend Sensory Solutions free online workshop. (*Affiliate link- although I would never recommend something I don’t personally believe in!) Thousands of parents have gained amazing insight into their kid’s behavior, which is so valuable for supporting and then helping them.  

 

Does My child Have Sensory Issues or ADHD?

Start with downloading the “Sensory or ADHD Behaviors” handout. If you have any concerns after reading through that, you may want to schedule an appointment with a mental health therapist and/or an OT. Even if you’re not sure, I always recommend getting the input from professionals. Even just ruling things out can be great.

And always remember, why can’t it be both? 

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Dealing With People Who Don’t Believe Your Kid’s Diagnosis Is Real

Dealing With People Who Don’t Believe Your Kid’s Diagnosis Is Real

The Excruciating Pain of someone Else’s Denial

“Autism isn’t real; it’s just a made-up diagnosis by the anti-vaxxers.”

“Kids don’t get depression; your kid is just being a brat.”

“Why don’t you actually discipline your kid? Then they wouldn’t be so hyper.”

“Sensory Processing Disorder is just an excuse for your bad parenting.”

I feel physically sick just reading that; do you? Has one of those lines, or something like it every been thrown carelessly at you? One of the most emotionally painful things someone can do to us is to discredit our journey. Having someone sweep your child’s condition under the rug, or even worse, lay the blame at your feet is hurtful.

And if the person discrediting your kid’s condition is someone you love? It’s downright excruciating.

Why Don’t People Believe Your Kid’s Diagnosis Is Real?!

Unfortunately, not everyone will agree that your child’s condition is a ‘real thing.’ There is still such stigma that there are some people who believe mental health problems are just someone being weak or undisciplined. Same with autism, sensory processing disorder, and more!

Maybe they don’t believe the research, or have seen the research and think it’s funded by biased parties. It’s possible that this person thinks ADHD, for example, can be a real condition, but your kid doesn’t have it.

When someone doesn’t believe our kid’s diagnosis is real, it’s painful. Because it means they don’t support us. And when you’re raising a challenging kid, you need all the support you can get!

To add to that, when our kids’ behaviors aren’t being explained by a diagnosis, it means that the person is viewing their problem behaviors through the lens of discipline, or parenting, or brattiness. And that usually means that it’s the parent’s ‘fault.’ Ouch.

If you’ve had someone say these things to you, it can leave you shaking with a mother’s fury for a week. Or it can cause knee-jerk reactions where you say one of those things you immediately wish you could stuff back into your mouth.

So How Do You Deal With It?

First, you need to establish, “Is it worth it to engage with this person?” Ask yourself, does it affect my child that this person doesn’t buy-in to their diagnosis. If it’s your co-worker, probably not. If it’s their dad, definitely.

If you’re not sure, let me ask this another way. Is this about you? Or is it about your kid? Are you personally hurt by this person’s views, or is it preventing your kid from getting the treatment they need? Why does this person’s buy-in matter?

I’m not saying that in a ‘no one else’s opinion should matter’ sort of way. I’m asking you a real question. There are plenty of reasons that this person’s opinion DOES matter.

How To Figure Out If Their Opinion Matters

For example, if your sister-in-law thinks ADHD is fake, then she is going to have a lot less tolerance for your son’s behavior- and your parenting. She may even try and take it upon herself to discipline your son in a way that’s counter-productive to what you’re trying to do. And (not so) eventually, you’re probably not going to feel very welcome in her house. Family gatherings just got a lot more awkward. In this case, it might be a good idea to engage at least enough to keep the peace.

Continuing with that example, there are also plenty of reasons your sister-in-law’s opinion DOESN’T matter. As long as she behaves civilly and kindly towards you, your kid, and family, then it may not be worth it to engage. Unless you have one of those best-friend/sister-in-law combo packs, it doesn’t matter if she disagrees with the course of treatment, or the IEP goals, or what steps you’re taking to manage behavior in your house. You and your partner get to make those decisions. No one else. You two are the ones who have to sleep at night with the decisions you’ve made.

Advocacy

Now, lest (that word doesn’t get used often enough!) you think I live in a world that’s black and white, there can be valid reasons to engage with someone whose opinion doesn’t matter. The main reason would be for advocacy’s sake. If advocacy is an important value to you, you’re probably sitting there reading this thinking, “But I want to give them the information and open their mind so this isn’t so hurtful to the next person!” If so, YOU are an advocate.

If you’re an advocate, I still want you to be cautious of a few things, in the interest of self-preservation. Where are you on this journey? Are you to a place where you can handle rejection, even after presenting well-planned information, and not take it personally? Consider what level you can engage in with this person that doesn’t burn you out? Your most important job is to leave enough in your reserves that you’re still able to go back and care for your kid in the best way you are able.

At this point, you should have been able to make a decision about whether it’s worth it to engage this person, or not.

Choosing Your Approach to Informing Why This Diagnosis Is Real

So you’ve decided that it’s worth it to engage with this person. Just for the sake of using an example, let’s say this person is your mother-in-law who also watches your kids after school once a week.

Now you have to choose your approach.

1. Agree to disagree

You can agree to disagree about the technicalities of the diagnosis or condition. But you cannot deny the symptoms. Find some common ground. Point out the symptoms that concern you; your mother-in-law is probably seeing the same things. If your son has depression, he may have stopped coming home from school and shooting hoops for a half hour before he comes in for a snack. He may be going straight to his room and sleeping. And, he may be extra difficult to engage.

It’s possible that your mother-in-law saw all those symptoms, but attributed them to other things. “Oh, he’s just going through a growth spurt,” or “The weather’s been bad so he can’t play outside.” But you could still present to her the way you would like to address those symptoms. Maybe you’re taking walks after school, without talking so there’s no pressure, just to make sure that your son is getting some physical movement (which can be very helpful for people with depression). Hopefully, your mother-in-law would be able to get on board with taking walks. Sure, you may have different reasons, but your responses are the same.

2. Present the facts

NOTE– I did NOT say convince them. Changing their mind is their own journey, and is out of your control. You can only present the facts in an unbiased way. This is CRUCIAL to remember!

If you choose to engage your mother-in-law, for example, you can opt to present just the facts to her. See if you can figure out from your previous conversations where her knowledge gap is missing, or what types of facts will have the most effect on her.

• Lean on the Doctors

If you know your mother-in-law respects medical professionals, this would also be an optimal way to start. For instance, if she’s never heard of Sensory Processing Disorder, you could give her a summation of the condition by starting with, “My doctor explained it to me like this.”

• Work with The Obvious Symptoms

But maybe she’s skeptical of doctors.  If that’s the case, you might want to focus on the obvious cluster of symptoms your kid displays. You could say something like, “Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder often are super sensitive to how clothing feels, louder noises, how food feels in their mouth, and sensations like swinging and spinning. There is just a disconnect between their brain being able to process what their body is feeling, and so everything ends up feeling and seeming exaggerated.” Give her the symptoms that she can’t help but think, “Oh yeeaah, Ethan totally did that last week!” The goal is to connect the dots for her in a way she just can’t miss.

• Start with the end in mind

To borrow a phrase from Stephen Covey, you could start with the end in mind. Work with your mother-in-law and explain that you’re seeking this diagnosis, or these interventions, because you want the best for your kid in adulthood. You recognize the power in early intervention! As they say, “early diagnosis leads to timely intervention and timely intervention leads to better outcomes.”

On average, it takes 8-10 years from the time symptoms first appear to the time kid’s get mental health treatment. There are a million reasons for this, but mainly, this happens because a) finding appropriate treatment can be hard; b) actually taking your kid for treatment requires lots of coordination with schedules, etc.; and c) parents don’t have the support they need to be able to pull it off. Help your mother-in-law see that she could help  your kid beat the statistics, and set them up for future success, by being supportive.

• Provide The Facts About Why The Diagnosis Is Real In Writing

The last option to explore would be printing off information from a trusted source (to your mother-in-law). I know a lot of people are tempted to just slip it in a purse, or ‘sneakily’ leave it laying out somewhere she’ll definitely see it. But I don’t like those methods for a few reasons.

First, because there’s nothing sneaky about it! She is abundantly aware this is you. Who else is going to leave reading material about Sensory Processing Disorder or ADHD or Autism just laying around?!

Second, because it comes off as passive-aggressive. Which could have the opposite affect on her that you’re trying for. So, when she sees the paper, instead of being receptive to the information, she’ll be put off by your behavior and potentially become more blocked to even reading it.

The more helpful approach to printing off the facts is to just be up-front about it. Maybe next time she’s at your house, and she’s on her way out the door, you can just casually say, “Oh, I almost forgot. I found some new information about Sensory Processing Disorder. I would mean a lot to me, and Ethan, if you could read this when you get a chance.” Be careful NOT to phrase this as a question. Like, “Would you mind reading it?” That way she’s less likely to shoot you down right then and there.

3. Address the fears

If it’s someone who loves your child who is dismissing their condition, they may be resisting the condition or diagnosis out of denial.

The good news is that this denial could be based in love and fear. It’s because they have an inkling (or maybe even full knowledge!) of what it would mean for their child to have this disease. And because they love your kid, they want to do everything they can to protect them. Including, making sure they don’t carry around that sort of life-long diagnosis.

Hey, no one ever said love was logical.

This would be a great opportunity to step in to their shoes. Treat them with love, and share your own story of how hard it is for you. And help this other person see that you are accepting the diagnosis because you love your child, and want them to be able to get help.

• What If Dad Doesn’t Believe Your Kid’s Diagnosis Is Real?

Let’s switch trains of thought, and say the person you’re working to persuade is your kid’s dad. Just like you, Dad has to work through that grieving process.

So, ask what his fears are. If possible, find examples of adults who have lived with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Depression, and so on, and show him how successful these people can be in different areas of life. Or maybe there’s a support group in your area he would want to join? You know this is a painful process; you’ve been here. So meet him where he’s at.

4. Cultural Barriers 

It could be that there are cultural barriers. Cultural barriers are often related to myths and stigmas of the diagnosis, which are usually based in fear. I find that the best way to combat fear is with knowledge, presented in a loving way. Showing people all the ways they’ve been wrong their whole life isn’t a winning strategy. So no matter how much it pains you, go slow if you’re working with someone in this category.

Convincing People The Diagnosis is Real

No one has ever had their mind changed by someone screaming at them. By creating a plan, you won’t have to respond reactively anymore! And, you’ll know that you have done what you can, for the greatest benefit of your kid.

Either you have chosen not to engage, and saved your energy and resources for yourself, your family and your kid. Or you have chosen to try and present the facts. You could appeal to them logically, using authorities like doctors to support you. If you’re not a fan of conflict, sharing the facts in writing for that person to read at a later time might be the best option for you.

Meeting someone where they’re at, in all their pain, is incredibly challenging. But maybe that’s what’s being asked of you. You may have to really put in some wok for both you, and your kid, to get the support you need.

Whatever the outcome, by creating a plan you will know you have done the best you can. Your job is over, and  now it’s on that person to expand their mind.

Have you personally dealt with people who don’t believe your kid’s diagnosis is real? How did you respond? Share your story in the comments below!

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