Does My Kid Have ADHD? (What Else Could It Be?)

Does my child have ADHD or not?

It’s no secret that kids are being diagnosed with ADHD in the US more and more frequently. Depending on which study you read, somewhere between 5-11% of children across the US are diagnosed with ADHD. And there’s been an increase of over 3% in just 8 years! 

BUT- it’s entirely possible that many kids who are told they have ADHD are actually being misdiagnosed.

This is because the symptoms of ADHD are well known (hyperactivity, impulsiveness, lack of focus, disorganization), so it may be one of the first diagnoses doctors have in mind. And doctors and clinicians can observe these behaviors in a relatively short amount of time, which makes it easy to use for a diagnosis. 

But there are many other reasons kids may be exhibiting these behaviors most often seen with ADHD. 

Does My Child Have ADHD? Maybe Not…

ADHD is not always the answer. If you’ve been told your child has ADHD, but it doesn’t seem like the best explanation for your child’s behavior, there are other explanations.

Reasons to Question Whether or Not Your Child Has ADHD:

There is no family history of ADHD. The hereditability rate of ADHD is around 76%. This means that if there’s someone in your (biological) family with ADHD, it’s very likely that another person will have ADHD, too. However, this also works in reverse. It’s unlikely, although possible, that one person in the gene pool will just pop up with ADHD.

You don’t see any symptoms at home. If you’re only seeing symptoms like hyperactivity or impulsivity at school, and not at home, ADHD may not be an accurate diagnosis. For a true ADHD diagnosis, symptoms need to occur across different settings. (There’s a difference between seeing a symptom and it being a problem. It’s possible that you’re able to manage the high-energy level better at home than it can be at school. So the symptoms are still occurring across settings, but they may not be as problematic in different places.)

-If your child is receiving medication, but you don’t feel like it’s working well/correctly. It could be a sign that the brain chemistry is showing that the ADHD diagnosis is wrong. (It could also just be the wrong medication for your child; make sure to speak with your prescriber before stopping any medication as some medications can have adverse effects is suddenly stopped.)

What Else Could It Be? Other Explanations for ADHD-Like Behaviors

1. Anxiety

Anxiety makes it hard to focus, pay attention, and follow directions. Additional input is hard to process if your mind is already whirling with worries.

You may want to look into this if your child doesn’t have the typical hyperactive behaviors, but was diagnosed because of the attention-deficit part of ADHD.

2. Sensory Processing Disorder (Specifically Sensory-Seeking)

It can be tricky to tell the difference between ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. When a kid has a Sensory Processing Disorder, particularly if they’re a sensory-seeking child, they are lacking enough input on their body to tell it that they’re grounded in place. This can make them (literally) look like they’re bouncing off the wall, and they can look pretty hyperactive.

You may want to rule this diagnosis out if you have a child who can focus, but is high-energy. At this moment in time, I would recommend seeking an opinion from an OT (Occupational Therapist) since they tend to be more familiar with sensory issues than many mental health clinicians.

3. Giftedness

When kids understand the concept in 5 minutes, but the teacher spends an hour teaching, you have a recipe for boredom and lack of focus. Which can make these kids look like they have ADHD. Additionally, gifted children tend to have high (although not quite hyper) levels of energy.

These kids absolutely get misdiagnosed with ADHD. And instead of being given the education they need, they get medicated.

Black and Hispanic children are severely underrepresented in gifted programs in schools. And yet Black children are diagnosed with ADHD more often than white children, which should be a red flag.

I believe this study from the American Educational Research Association hits the nail on the head with the explanation, “What a teacher may attribute to precocity for one student may be considered disruptive behavior for another.” Of course, there are also many other variables, like access to quality education, socio-economic status, and adverse childhood events (more on that later) but don’t think the perceptions of those in charge should be discounted.  For more, here’s a great article about nurturing gifted children of color.

4. Poor Diet/Lack of Exercise or Free Time Outside

Let me start by saying, in no way do I mean to sound blaming with this one. But kids have small bodies, and they can have bigger responses to smaller doses of sugar, etc. Before you put a kid on medication, it might be worth looking at how much excess sugar, pop and caffeine they’re consuming.

Free time, especially non-structured time outside, is also critical. Kids need a chance to move their bodies. If you’re noticing an increase in hyperactive behavior during the months you stay the most indoors, this is an explanation worth exploring.

5. Learning Disorders

Non-verbal learning disorders (like dyslexia/dysgraphia/dyscalculia/slow-processing disorder) can create challenges when asked to focus at school. If you’re struggling to read the words or numbers in front of you, or you just can’t make the words come out of your pencil, chances are you’re going to lose focus and not want to pay much attention.

This could be the case if you didn’t see any signs of ADHD at home, and school was the first place it was noticed. If you think your child might have a learning disability, here are some additional steps you can take.

5. Auditory Processing Disorder

Kids with Auditory Processing Disorder have a difficult time taking in verbal instructions. They may also have a delay in responding to questions, which can make it seem like they’re not paying attention. This leads to the appearance of being inattentive, or even actual inattentiveness because it’s a challenge to pay attention. 

You may want to talk to the school psychologist about this if ADHD is being suggested as a diagnosis, but you’re not seeing much impulsivity (because all kids are a little impulsive) or hyperactivity.

6. PTSD/Stress Disorders

As much as we’d all like to think of childhood as this really idyllic, safe, wonderful time, it’s an unfortunate truth that many kids experience stressful- and even violent- events during their childhood. 

If you’re constantly stressed and in fight-or-flight (or freeze) mode, it’s hard to focus. You may also have additional energy to burn off from all the adrenaline. You may have also developed coping skills that would distract others before conflict could arise (which may appear as some ‘class clown’ type of behavior). 

Additionally, kids who live in poverty have higher incidents of adverse childhood events– most of which could be considered trigger events for PTSD. This mimics the impact of poverty on the rate of ADHD diagnosis. 

My Child Has An ADHD Diagnosis. Why Should I Mess With It?

First, let me assume you’ve read this far because you’re truly wondering if your child has ADHD. We both know that pursuing a new/additional diagnosis can be time-consuming, expensive, exhausting and even heart-breaking.

But you know your child better than anyone. Trust yourself, and follow your parenting instincts. The worst case scenario is that you don’t find any other explanation, but you get to know that you are a great advocate for your child and you tried your best. At best, you find a more correct diagnosis for your kid.

The right diagnosis can open the door to the right treatment. Seeking the most complete information about your child is a form of advocacy. And it shows your kid that you won’t stop fighting for them.

It’s important to note that ADHD can occur in addition to many of the previously discussed disorders/explanations. It is possible that you could come away from investigating this more closely with two diagnoses; the ADHD + something else. But if you have the flu and a broken leg, you’re going to want treatment for both. Not just one, and hope the other resolves on it’s own.

Does My Child Have ADHD? Getting Second Opinions

You know your child better than anyone. After educating yourself about the symptoms and what it may look like in your kid, if you still don’t think ADHD is the answer, you may want to consider a second opinion.

If you have a therapist, doctor or counselor who balks at the idea that it’s anything but ADHD, try getting another assessment from someone else. At the very minimum, they should be willing to explore and rule other diagnoses out. A good clinician will always be open to exploring and improving their diagnosis to find the answer to whether or not your child has ADHD.

So if your child has an ADHD diagnosis that isn’t sitting right with you, do some self-reflection and figure out why.

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A Simple Idea to Help Children With Anxiety

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A Simple Idea to Help Children With Anxiety

It’s 6:45 am, and I can hear him screaming 2 floors away. I grumble, set down my coffee, and make a sarcastic remark about “another great day” as I head up the stairs to sort this out. 

Anxiety has destroyed the peace in my house.

OK, I have 3 boys. Maybe not the peace. But definitely the joy. 

What wouldn’t I give to start the day with happiness? With little smiling faces coming down the stairs? 

Instead, I see little faces who have already lost the battle with control and overwhelm, and can’t bear for me to even say good morning to them.

Managing Anxiety In Kids Under 10

In my experience, managing anxiety, especially childhood anxiety, is about creating a balance between control and overwhelm. When you have anxiety, you have the sense that you can’t control anything.

Which can be a big problem, because kids don’t naturally have a lot of control.

One easy way to give that control back to them is to give them specific times and tasks that they can assert their independence. Not only will this help them gain a bit of control- it’s completely developmentally appropriate! 

[bctt tweet=”Managing childhood anxiety is about creating a balance between control and overwhelm” prompt=”tell a friend”]

The Simple Idea to Help Children With Anxiety

Let them choose what to wear.

The specific solution I’m sharing today is letting your kid choose what to wear in the morning (or the evening for pjs) and then dress themselves. And the nice thing about this task is that, for as long as your kid is wearing those clothes, they are a reminder that they were able to make a choice for themselves. 

Even kids as young as 2 can choose their clothes! And it gives them such a sense of satisfaction. Has your kid even come to you, fully dressed in the morning, with that look of pride on their face? The look that says, “Hey, I’m awesome, Mom! Look what amazing thing I did!”

And while that look definitely wears off for slightly older kids, they still love the chance to start expressing themselves and their personal choices.

Yes, your kid may decide to wear plaid and stripes together, or may decide that a neon orange athletic shirt is a great look under a button-down. As long as they’re dressed appropriately for the weather,  just think of it as a chance to choose your battles. 😉

Clothes Can Cause More Anxiety

Unfortunately, sometimes the clothes can be more of a struggle than a solution. A kid with anxiety can easily get overwhelmed if there could be too many choices.

Or a child with perfectionist tendencies may get stuck, doubting their ability to match something. 

Maybe the clothes are uncomfortable for your kid, and there are weird seams or tags they need to avoid. (It’s not uncommon for kids with anxiety to also have sensory issues.) And some clothes have graphics that are just downright scary to kids. 

Whatever the reason, one of the ways to help children with anxiety is to create a personal uniform, using only the basics they reliably wear.

“Uniforms” Are An Easy Way to Help Children With Anxiety

A lot of people tend to think of uniforms as a restrictive thing, but since this is a personal uniform, created around your specific child that you have complete control over, I tend to think of it as hitting the sweet spot to fight childhood anxiety. It really is one of the simplest ideas to help children with anxiety.

First, the clothes are based on what your kid already likes, so they have control.

Second, the options are limited, so they’re not overwhelmed every time they open the dresser or closet.

“Uniform” examples

In my house, pocket t-shirts are a big hit. (I don’t personally get it, but they unquestionably make my son happy, so I roll with it!) So, in the summer, we can do solid pocket t-shirts, plus neutral shorts. 

Keeping it to the basics helps with the matching aspect so I don’t have to send kids back upstairs to change, creating frustration for everyone. In the winter, we really don’t mess around with too many layers. So, it’s jeans and plain long-sleeves to keep the choices, and the overwhelm to a minimum.

 

Where We Find the Basics

We stumbled into Primary a few years ago when we were creating a homemade “green ninja” costume for my then 6-year-old. And at that point, it felt close to a miracle to find plain, green pajamas in a size 7! 

I love Primary’s mission to create clothes that don’t say nonsense like, “I’m too pretty for math” or have a million graphics on them. Just because my kids tend to be on the big side, that doesn’t mean they should have to wear clothes with designs meant for boys 2-3 years older than they actually are. I just want my 4-year-old to look like a 4-year-old? You know? (OK, rant over!)

Primary’s quality of fabric is awesome, which means I can hand these bad boys down for yeeeaaaars. And they’re the basics, so they never go out of style. Which is good, because we’re part of an 8 boy hand-me-down chain. I’ve come to realize that investing a little more for the oldest one saves me a ton of money. 

Some of my favorites for the uniforms for boys are:

(sorry- mom of all boys here, not trying to be biased. It’s just what I know! There are tons of cute options for girls, too!) 

Managing Childhood Anxiety With A Uniform

Trust me, I am absolutely aware that this is not a complete solution. Still, anytime you can use a simple idea to help children with anxiety have control and reduce their overwhelm -it’s a win in my book!

That’s what easy wins are good for. Taking the edge off, and building momentum. And really, if you’re a parent of a kid with anxiety, what wouldn’t you do to start the day right with your child? 

 

Is this something you’ve already tried out? Share what sort of uniform works for your kid in the comments below!

About Alex

Alex is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!

How to Make Bath Time Fun!

How to Make Bath Time Fun!

Are you in search of a few quick, easy ways to make bath time fun? And do you need those answers, like, yesterday?

I get it! Some kids HATE bathtime. Maybe they struggle with Sensory Processing Disorder, maybe they have a phobia of the bath, or other anxiety about water, maybe they’d rather just keep their well-earned filth on them. Who knows! (Actually, you probably do!)

But that doesn’t mean they don’t eventually neeeeeed a bath. And it is truly exhausting when it reaches that point. 30 minutes of screaming and crying, and you’re remembering some history book that said people 200 years ago got a bath once a year. Your kid would live, right?

But it might not have to be this hard. I have some great ideas to make bath time more fun for even the toughest customer, so keep reading!

Ideas To Make Bath Time Fun

1. Bath Fizzes

Whether it’s homemade bath bombs, or the little fizzes, these will definitely distract your kid long enough to get them washed

2. Bath Crayons

Because when else are they allowed to draw on the wall?!

3. Water Toys

There are a bajillion bath toys on the market. Find one that’ll peak their interest! Also, anything can be a bath toy as long as it’s not electric, or maybe wood. We’ve definitely taken favorite plastic super-hero toys in the bath under the pretense that the Avengers needed a good washdown, too.

4. Glow sticks

This is a really cool bath idea! Grab a pack of glow sticks, turn off the lights in the bathroom (maybe keep a nightlight on for safety) and watch your kid become mesmerized by the neon lights!

5. Bath Foam

Or you can just use shaving cream.

6. Fun Bath Time Music

Nothing turns it into a party faster than some good music!

7. Rewards for getting clean without crying!

If your kid knows they can earn a special show or book, or a small treat, or whatever, they might just start asking for bath time!

Ideas to make bath time fun for kids with sensory processing disorder or anxiety

8. Check your water

This may require a bit of experimentation, but try the bath at different temperatures to see if that helps your kiddo adjust to bath time better.

9. Change washcloths

Maybe your kid needs more or less bumpy. Some kids can’t handle the soapy feeling, and others the roughness of a washcloth.

10. Avoid unsupported head-tilting

Head tilting may be hard-  because it involves the vestibular sense- so you could try washing hair in the sink. (And then rest their head on a propped-up collander if they would feel more secure that way.)

11. Sponge bath

Have them sit in a plastic kids chair and do a sponge bath if they can’t sit in water

12. Gradual is key

Let them sit in the water as you start the tub so they can gradually get used to the sensation of water. If they have a phobia of water, this may help them feel more confident that they can control how much water is going in.

13. Wear a swim suit

If you have a kid who’ll go swimming, but not take a bath, break out the swim suit!

14. Try a suds-free shampoo

That soapy sensation from most typical shampoos may be too much to handle, depending on the child. Some love it, some really don’t.

15. Take less (or more) baths

Reduce or increase the amount of bath times as needed! Some kids need repeated exposure to feel more comfortable, and others need less. Kids who have started edging towards puberty don’t need to bathe as often as we may think. It’s very unregimented, but try just washing when they’re dirty or smelly.

How To Make Bath Time Fun For Kids Who Hate Getting Their Hair Washed

16. Use A Focal Point

Put stickers on the tub for kids to focus on and look at so you can get different angles of their hair washed/rinsed

17. Swimming goggles/ear plugs

For a lot of kids, getting water in their ears or eyes is a deal-breaker. Yes, the swimming goggles complicate hair washing. But just imagine having bath time with NO screaming!

18. Hand-held shower attachment

Using a hand-held shower attachment is another option for a more controlled way to wet and rinse the hair to try and avoid the eyes and ears.

19. Empty shampoo bottle

These also have a small opening for a more controlled pour

20. Let kids be in control

See if your kid wants to be in charge of at least wetting their hair. Being in control may be a great way to help make bath time for fun for a toddler, and make it less stressful for them. (and you!)

21. Cover their face during hair washing

I have to credit my husband for this tactic that works like a charm in my house. We start with 2 hand-towels, and let our son hold a dry towel over his face while I pour the water over his head, and I help check that his ears are ‘plugged’ with the towels, too. Then we use another dry, fresh hand-towel to hold over his face while we rinse.

22. Focus on Play Time

Just let them play in the bath every other time (unless your kid is super dirty) and save the washing for next time! Nothing will make bath time more fun than just being allowed to play! Also, this will help identify where you’re real problem is: the feeling of water, or of being washed.

23. Avoid unsupported head tilting

I know it’s already above, but in case you missed it, head tilting may be hard-  because it involves the vestibular sense- so you could try washing hair in the sink. (And then rest their head on a propped-up collander if they would feel more secure that way.)

24. Inflatable bath pillow

This is in the same vein as the last tip, but it might help your child feel more secure if they can lay down flat in an inch or two of water and have their head on a pillow while you wash their hair.

Bonus tips to make bath time fun!

25. Try a shower If bath time just isn’t working out, try giving your kid a shower!

Turn it on low water pressure and let the water fall down. A little ‘verbal judo’ (because with kids, it’s ALL about the marketing), and your child could play in a “waterfall” instead of having to take a bath.

26. Wear swim suits and make it a party!

This is more of a temporary solution, but if you can get your kid into the shower or tub, and help them have a positive association with it, I’d call that a win!

How to develop your own tactics to make bath time fun for your child

Any time you need a solution, it’s always critical to pinpoint the problem. Honestly, the best way to do that is to be a scientist and run mini science experiments on your kids. It’s WAY more harmless than it sounds. Just change one thing at a time, and watch for any differences.

Make notes as you go, and remember, even if you find that one change doesn’t work for your child, that’s still progress! Learning is always a step forward! And we all know that parenting isn’t easy. But through trial and error, you’ll find what works!

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