If you have a single sarcastic bone in your body, you can use this tool to prevent power struggles. It’s also a fun way to help your preschooler or toddler listen, and change their behavior. And it’s easy, and doesn’t take much effort at all!
I’m talking about reverse psychology. This little beauty is nearly magical- and you don’t even need to know Freudian Psychology to use it!
Let’s say that you have a toddler who is a dawdler (aren’t they all?!) but you really need them to put their shoes on by themselves, quickly, while you multitask and get everything else ready.
Turn Power Struggles into Giggles
You could choose to of have a power struggle with someone less than half your size. OR you could have a happy, giggly, cooperating kid. (I know which, I’d choose, but hey, if you’re into masochism, you do you.)
Instead of telling your kiddo, “Put your shoes on! And Mommy needs you to be quick today!” you’re going to actually tell them “Don’t put your shoes on.”
I know. Stay with me.
The Power of Marketing
Now, the trick to this is the same trick for anything toddler related. It’s ALL about the marketing. If you really want them to change their behavior, you’ve got to sell this.
Start by putting their shoes right in front of them. It’ll make it even more tempting, and less likely that they get distracted by something else. Then lay it on thick. “Sweetie, I’ll be right back to put your shoes on. I knooooow you don’t like to do it, so I don’t want you, under any circumstance, to put your shoes on. Don’t even think about it. Don’t even touch those shoes!”
Be Over the Top
If they’re not giggling before you leave the room, you need to lay it on thicker. “Oh! I see you’re being suuuuch a good listener!! You are soooo good to not put those shoes on! I don’t even know what I’d do if I came back and you had them on!”
If you’re one of those awesome people who can make their eyes twinkle, you should do that while you’re saying this. We need to make sure they understand to listen to our non-verbal cues, and not the words we’re saying.
Mixed Messages?
Obviously, we’re sending two different messages, but that’s the great part! Don’t worry too much about it. Kids are incredibly intuitive, and they are excellent at interpreting their parents.
We’ve turned this normal, every day task into a game. So you’re building relationship with your kid, and spending quality time with them, and getting them to put their darn shoes on! It’s a win-win-win.
We’re able to stop power struggles with this because we’ve created a Catch-22 where you have all the power! You’ve told them to put on their shoes, and to NOT put on their shoes.
So, regardless of the outcome, your kid ACTUALLY LISTENED TO YOU! No more power struggle. You are firmly back in charge.
Say that Jane didn’t put her shoes on. Well then, you actually have nothing to be angry about, because she listened to you. Plus, with all the joking and giggles and smiles, it’ll be hard to be angry.
And if she did put her shoes on, then she’s done what you wanted. We’re happy and can continue peacefully with the day!
Precautions
For older kids, it doesn’t work as well to be so over the top. So this is definitely a tool to use with the littler ones.
Also, you don’t want to use this as your only behavior modification tool. But it is great for a ‘quick fix’ or for small problem times, like getting out the door.
If you want to learn about other ways to help manage your kid’s behavior, and avoid power struggles, make sure to sign-up below for the weekly newsletter!
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About Alexandria
Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!
