Tag: Christmas

Create New Family Traditions in 15 Minutes (Or Less!)

Why Are Family Traditions So Important?

In short, because they anchor us. Family traditions give us a sense of place and time. They take us from just knowing that it’s Christmas, or the 4th of July, or Friday night, to experiencing it. 

Have you ever had a holiday where you didn’t do what you normally do? Maybe you went on vacation instead of to Grandma’s house. I’ll bet anything that you (or someone next to you) said, “It just doesn’t feel like Christmas this year.” 

That is the power of family traditions.

They create a sense of order within the year. And they help us continue to look forward to the next thing! 

Are Family Traditions Only for Holidays?

No! Family traditions are usually associated with the big holidays, like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but you can have traditions for every day of the week if you wanted!

Some examples of how to build family traditions into your weekly life would be Friday-night-pizza-night, or having family game night on Sunday evenings. Even week-night dinners can turn into family traditions!

Of course, there are also birthdays, and smaller holidays, like Valentine’s Day or Father’s Day, that lend themselves pretty naturally to family traditions, as well.

Family Traditions and Childhood Memories

Family traditions may be the easiest way to hardwire happy childhood memories into your kids. 

Human memory is endlessly fascinating, but in general, we tend to remember the things that either happened all the time or the things that are so unique and important (for better or for worse) that they leave an indelible imprint on our minds.  

Family traditions can actually hit both those categories. A simple tradition, like singing “Happy Birthday” can be something that happens all the time (like at every birthday) and something that is unique and important (think of how special you feel when everyone is singing to you on your birthday, especially as a kid!).

Memory and the 5 Senses

Our 5 senses are also very important in creating those memories. When something happens to heighten our senses, it tends to alert our minds that something important is going on. It also creates additional ‘points’ on our ‘memory maps’ (aka neural networks) that help strengthen the staying power of that memory.

So it would make sense that a childhood memory that goes beyond the base of making an emotional connection would become more likely to stick around for the long-term. Playing a game with your family can be a great memory. But if there’s some music in the background, laughter, or even the smell of homemade cookies in the oven? And if you do that weekly? That’s the recipe for a long-term memory- and your kid remembering their childhood as a happy one.

How to Start New Family Traditions

Using this free printable, and the examples of family traditions below can make it easy.

Create a Family Tradition in Just 15 Minutes

Grab a timer and a notebook. Let’s go!

Minutes 0:00-2:00- Who 

Who is this family tradition for? Is it everyone, or is it just one parent and one of the kids? Maybe it’s for the whole extended family. Deciding who will be involved will set the stage for the rest of the family tradition.

Example: This tradition is about the kids- either or both parents will be just fine.

Minutes 2:01-4:00- When and Where

Is this going to be a daily, weekly or holiday/event-based tradition? Or maybe it’s more on an as-needed basis?  Then choose where this will occur. Knowing whether this is something that you want to occur in the kid’s bedroom, the car or the kitchen will determine a lot about how many other factors you can incorporate.

Example: This is going to be a tradition around coming home from school and transitioning to the evening. I’m not sure I’ll have enough bandwidth to do this every day, so I’m going to start with just Friday after-school. This will generally be at home, although it could vary on special occasions.

Minutes 4:01-6:00: Taste

Will there be a taste specifically associated with this tradition? This would definitely be the category to consider if your family tradition will include food (like birthday cake!).

Example: I’d love to have a ‘predictable’ treat, but balance it with something healthy. Cheese and crackers are an easy treat, and maybe even have a bowl of m&ms out, too! 

Minutes 6:01-8:00: Touch

Touch can mean so many things! Touch can include anything from a sprinkler, to a hug to a sensory bin. Is there a specific blanket, or even a secret handshake involved in this family tradition? 

Example: A big bear hug is going to be part of this tradition- and mandatory if they want candy! (I’m only sorta kidding!) 

Minutes 8:01-10:00: Smell

Smells are the sense that is most closely associated with our memory, because the olfactory bulb (aka the smell center in the brain) is physically the closest to the hippocampus, where memory is processed and stored. Although it can be a weird thing to spend a minute thinking about, try not to overlook it just for that sake.

Example: I could make cookies every week, but honestly that sounds like it could be too much of a commitment for me. I’m more likely to buy a certain scent of a candle, and only have it lit on Friday afternoons.

Minutes 10:01-12:00: Sight

Sight is where you can include any decorations you might put up. You can also consider what the lighting might be like- dim for bedtimes, pitch-black for movie nights, and natural lighting for outdoor activities!

Example: For a weekly Friday-fun-day I’m not planning to have any decorations. Maybe eventually I’ll pick a certain bowl and or plate in my cupboard, or a fun one from a thrift store, and have it be the official snack-plate and/or candy bowl of Fun Fridays.

Minutes 12:01-14:00: Hear

I love using the senses as a way to guide your thoughts about starting new family traditions because it’s such a wide-open guideline! ‘Hearing’ is no different! Whether it’s a question (like “what are you thankful for?” during Thanksgiving dinner) or certain music (Christmas, anyone?), incorporating it into your family traditions can lead to even stronger memories.

Example: My kids aren’t natural ‘talkers’, so to help draw them out, I’d like to start with questions. We could either do the standard, “What was the best and worst part of your week?” or we could use our box of dinner questions. Maybe I’ll eventually get around to making a playlist of some upbeat oldies I know they won’t hear anywhere else.

Minute 14:01-15:00: Bring it all together

Take a (literal) minute to review everything you wrote down, and bring it all together. Pick one or two things to start with, and then build it up from there! Star those, and then you can even write dates (like 1 month from now, next year, whatever works for you) so that you know you’ll be back for it. 

Example: I’m coming up with a Fun Friday for my kids to highlight the transition home from school for the weekend. We’ll have a simple snack of cheese and crackers, with a special treat (like bagged candy), and everyone will get a big bear hug when they come home. Everyone can share their highlights and low points from the week.

Once I get that going strong, I’ll get a candle and light it just on Fridays (like in the kitchen, not like I’m trying to set a mood or something). I’ll also keep my eyes open for a snack plate/candy bowl. And maybe make a fun playlist when I have some downtime! 

The Importance of Family Traditions

Family traditions are one of the best tools you have to create that indescribable sense of family.

Traditions give a kid a sense of time within the year, and keep them looking forward to the small things. They also build a sense of place for them within the family, and help them feel like they are rooted and belong. And as a bonus- they keep that childhood energy alive for you, too!

In short, “The traditions we create today will be the memories our children cherish in the future.”

What family traditions do you have? Are there any you’re excited to start? Leave your comments below!

Best Toys For Gifted Children 2019

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Finding the right present for a highly intelligent child, especially a birthday or a Christmas gift, can be difficult! They seem to plow through toys at an alarming rate, since gifted boys and girls tend to master things so quickly.

One of the best strategies I have seen, is to stick with the basics which can be re-created or re-built a million times. Things like Legos, Erector sets, or a set of pastels go a long way with gifted kids!

Also, with this group of kids, feel free to disregard the ‘manufacturers recommended age’ on the side of the box. If you’re looking for challenging toys, one of the easiest ways to do this is to forget about the age group, and just find a toy that fits the kid’s interest, and is slightly beyond the ability. 

The 7-year-old to 9-year-old range can be particularly tricky. Kids are growing-up, and they want to be treated more and more like adults. And with gifted kids, it can be hard to forget that they aren’t older than they are because of their verbal and logical skills. But they’re still kids! And they still certainly hope to receive toys for their birthdays and holidays!

Here are some of the best toys for gifted kids for 2019:

Best Puzzles for Gifted Kids

These puzzles all have a great price point- right around $10. Which makes them an awesome choice for birthday parties or even stocking stuffers!

PUZZLE BARON’S LOGIC PUZZLES

It will keep your kiddo busy for hours. There are over 200 of these brain teasers! And they can even play competitively (if they want) by keeping track of their completion time and challenging a friend! There’s also a 2nd volume of logic puzzles, if you need.

RIDDLECUBE THE GAME

Riddlecube the Game combines brain-teasers, fast-paced fun, and spatial reasoning. There are challenge cards and 4 “riddlecube shape shifters” that you use to solve the challenges in 60 seconds or less. If you have a highly intelligent child in your life that loves spatial reasoning challenges, they will have a blast with this game!

RUBIK’S CUBE

You can’t go wrong with the Rubik’s Cube. The original is a great place to start- but if they master it, there are pyramids, and many other shapes they can mess around with, too!

Best Games for Gifted Kids

Board games are a great choice to give as a present for a gifted child. They’re fun, make a kid develop strategy and foresight, and foster relational skills (since they have to at least play against someone else!) Here are some of the standouts:

SPYALLEY

Reviewers love SpyAlley, and it’s not hard to see why it’s won a bunch of awards, including Mensa Select. You’ll need your powers of observation and deduction- and it’s marketed as a family game (which is nice, especially if the kid you’re shopping for has siblings). It’s a mystery-solving game, so if they like Clue, chances are they’ll love SpyAlley.

PLANET

Another Mensa Select winner, Planet is a great family board game. There’s a 3D puzzle of a globe, and players get to enjoy the challenge of creating the perfect world and ecosystem for their wildlife. It’s ideal for the animal and nature loving kids in your life!

LABYRINTH

There are varying levels of difficulty, which makes it versatile enough for the whole family to enjoy- which is great, because playing board games by yourself is no fun! The goal of Labyrinth is to collect objects while going through a hidden maze. It’ll test their memory, logic and planning skills!

Best Activities for Gifted Kids

Building activities that allow for creativity and/or lots of creative thinking make excellent gifts for gifted kids. Especially if the building can be taken apart and put together again!

SNAP CIRCUITS

A great STEM toy- this is a awesome choice for any kid who likes building. Snap Circuits teaches the basic “complete the loop” concept with electricity, and includes rewarding components like fans, buzzers and switches that let you know right away if you’ve put the circuit together completely. Once your kid has mastered that, they’re free to create the most complicated electrical path they can- no permit required! (There’s also a Junior Snap Circuit version with a few less pieces and a slightly lower price point.)

DALTON LABS MOLECULAR MODEL KIT

If you did o-chem in college, you’ll recognize this set! It’s a molecular model kit that’s marketed for grades 7-university. But I have it here, because gifted kids are often ready to be introduced to complicated concepts much earlier than ‘recommended grade level.’ If you have a budding scientist, introducing the elements this way could be truly fascinating, and a concrete way to see some of the world’s smallest components. 

K’NEX

I’m super partial to K’Nex. They’re one of those ‘next-step-up-from-Lego’s’ toys (yes, I just created that category) that really stand the test of time. You can build as standard or complicated structures as you want, but these also give you the opportunity for more moving parts. So if your gifted kid is becoming bored with Lego’s because they just sit there, this would be a great gift option.

MY FIRST CODING AND COMPUTER KIT

No gift guide for gifted kids would be complete without recommending a coding option. My First Coding And Computer Kit is a great starter since it allows kids to learn about computer science while creating binary necklaces, ancient encryption devices, sorting races, mystery mazes, and even pixelated pictures. 

Gifts for Gifted Kids

If you’re getting stumped about what to get for a gifted kid, remember, there’s often something that they’re currently taking a ‘deep dive’ into. Use this specialized interest to your advantage!

Take whatever they’re interested in, and add a little twist. For example, maybe they’re very artistic. What mediums haven’t they experimented with yet? Could you get a canvas, or pastels, or even some fabric for them?

Art supplies,  and notebooks are almost always a safe bet for this group. They’re such open ended options, they’ll be able to find something to do with it!

Books are another awesome option, although gifted kids can tend to be pretty voracious readers so it might be tricky to find something age and level appropriate they haven’t read yet. I’ve found that a good librarian or teacher are worth their weight in gold for book recommendations!

And lastly, a magazine subscription that incorporates their specialized interest is the gift that keeps on giving!

Better Behavior This Christmas

Better Behavior This Christmas

Stop The Insanity!

It’s no secret that kids are not on their best behavior in December. Despite (or because of) the lure of presents and treats, most kids are bouncing off the walls, becoming whinier than usual, and just generally driving their parents up a wall. 

Sure, you’ve tried the, “Santa’s watching, so you better be good” standby. But it’s not great; it just doesn’t feel right. That’s because A) it’s actually kinda creepy when you stop to think about it, B) it does nothing to change kid’s behavior, C) it keeps the focus of Christmas on Santa/receiving gifts, and D) it doesn’t change your behavior.

 

 

 

 

A Better Way to Better Behavior

So this year, may I suggest a happier, more joyful, gentler way of getting your kids to behave? It’ll help you nag less, and change the way you interact with your kiddos, too. AND (huge bonus) it helps re-focus Christmas back on Jesus! 

All you have to do is create a small manger, and fill it with straw for Jesus in time for Christmas! (It’s ok- I’m not crafty either, it can be as simple as a shoebox and yarn.) You could call it “Fill the Manger” or “Straw for Jesus.” If you come up with a clever name, let me know! (Credit to Kendra Tierney for introducing me to this twist on a token reward system.)

 

HOW to Start

First, the materials. You’ll need some yellow yarn, and a shoe box. That’s really it, but you can get fancier if you want from there.

  1. Introduce it to kids by telling them their goal is to fill the manger with straw for Jesus by Christmas Eve so he has somewhere soft to lay down.
  2. They can get this straw by doing good, kind, helpful, or generous things. 
  3. Remember to dole out the yarn/straw.

It’s super simple, but I love this system for so many reasons. And not just because token systems are a very effective tool for behavior management. And once you start seeing all the benefits, I know you’ll love it, too!

 

Why “Fill the Manger” Is Such A Great System

Better sibling relationships. If you have more than one kid, you’re creating a team that is working toward a shared goal. What a great way to build sibling relationships!

You make it work for you. I like leaving the rules of how you get yarn super vague by only saying, “Do good things.” That way you have as much discretion and wiggle room as you want! You can even give lengths of yarn that are bigger, based on what your kid actually did. I’ve given yarn/straw for things as simple as listening the first time, and doing chores without being asked. I’ve also had the chance to reward kids for going WAY above and beyond (and you should’ve seen his eyes when I produce a 3′ piece of yarn!) 

Finding the good. One of the nicest things about this system is that it will change the way you relate to your kids. Yes, you will still have to redirect them, etc. But you’ll find yourself looking for the good in your son or daughter. Even them just doing what’s expected of them, without drama, is considered rewardable behavior! 

Reward them as much as you want! Since you’re just giving out lengths of yarn, you can be as generous as you want. No worries about cost, or spoiling your kids, or their teeth rotting because of allllll the Christmas cookies! 

There’s nothing to worry about. There’s no stuffed elf to move every night, or worrying that your kids will figure out how Santa really delivers all those toys. I’m not trying to be a Scrooge- that special Christmas ‘magic’ is what makes this time so wonderful in many of our memories! But it’s nice to have a few traditions that aren’t shrouded in mystery! 

 

Enjoy Your Kids Again

Once you start this new tradition, you will absolutely notice better behavior in your kids. (Not to mention, your voice will be less hoarse since you’re not hollering at them about Santa, or that elf, watching them all the time!) Christmas-time will never be the same, again!

 

If you would like more fun ideas, that you can actually use in your real life , sign-up for the newsletter below! Hope to talk to you soon!

 

 

 

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Avoiding Holiday Stress for Parents

Happy Holidays?

Or Holiday Stress?

We all want to preserve the holidays as a happy time for our kids, so they can look back and have fond memories. So every year we spend an incalculable amount of time dreaming, planning and putting together these magical moments.

But what about your happy memories? When you look back on the last couple year’s holidays, are they happy? Or just a blur of things-to-do and exhaustion. How often do you get to Christmas, and just wish it would be over already.

That is not a recipe for a Happy Holiday. Christmas and Thanksgiving are a time to celebrate, enjoy some family togetherness, and maybe, even some peace.

Avoiding Stress In The Chaos

For many families, the holidays are anything but peaceful. The Christmas chaos seems like it’s a given. There are a million holiday parties to schedule around, recitals and school productions, gifts to find, make and wrap, and special meals to plan and prepare.

And, there are tricky family situations to navigate.

So often, when we’re talking about family, it feels like the choices are out of our control. How many times have you said something like, “I can’t NOT go to dinner at my mom’s! She’ll hold it against me for the whole year!”

This is a big problem, because when we feel we don’t have a choice, we often end up resenting our situation (or the person). Believing you don’t have a choice also steals your joy! And I promise, there’s always a choice. Even if it’s just between the lesser of two evils.

Take back your choices

We need to understand that it’s our choice to build this season up, or to enjoy it simply. It’s a choice to listen to the commercialization of the season, and believe that we need buy into allllll the trimmings that go with it.

Stress sneaks into our lives in a bunch of different ways in November and December. Often the first step is to realize the vision we have in mind of a ‘perfect Thanksgiving’ or a ‘perfect Christmas.’

Now, seriously assess how attainable that is. Is that even what you want? Do you want multiple social engagements every weekend, and to eat dozens of extra cookies, and to fill our house to the bursting point with extra decorations?

What is the cost of striving for this? I’m talking about the literal financial cost, of course, as well as the emotional and physical toll.

Set your goals for the holiday season. Pick a few meaningful things, and do them well. (Make sure you collaborate with your spouse about this, too. I guarantee they have their own thoughts about meaningful activities for Christmas and Thanksgiving.)

Often, we feel obligated to repeat traditions from our past. But this is a chance to re-evaluate them. There is nothing wrong with saying, “That was  a beautiful time and memory for me from when I was little. But it just doesn’t make sense for what our family needs now.” Curating your family traditions is NOT disrespectful to your past.

Tips For Avoiding Types of Holiday Stress

 

Holiday Stress from Over-Scheduling:

  • Keep at least one day of the week clear from work and obligations. (Sundays are an obvious choice, but if you work a non Monday-Friday, find a different day, and keep it as clear as possible.)
  • Say NO to invitations that will cause you stress.
  • Multi-purpose your gatherings with friends. Use the time together to wrap presents, make gifts, or bake treats that will be needed for other upcoming functions.
  • Re-schedule things for January if possible.
  • Start some tasks early (like making and freezing cookie dough in large batches in November).

Holiday Stress from Extended Family:

  • Set boundaries, and let family know as far in advance as possible about when you will be and where.
    • When setting these boundaries, it’s important to think not only about what you’ve done in the past, but what your own family currently needs.
    • If you have to explain new boundaries to family, try to phrase it so they can give you a ‘yes.’ For example, “Will you help me make this Christmas as magical and non-hurried for the kids as possible?”
  • Know your triggers, and have a plan. (I know, I just summed up years of therapy in one sentence. Talk about easier said than done!)
  • Skip the alcohol at family parties. It always sounds like it’ll help ‘take the edge off’ but usually it prevents us from being in complete control of ourselves. Bonus- you’ll feel better in the morning!
  • Prepare! Is there something you’re afraid of happening? Or being asked? Are you nervous about your kids being judged?
    • Have some pre-planned responses
    •  Prepare your kids; if you’re going to dinner at your in-laws, and are worried about your kid’s behavior you could have a ‘fancy’ practice dinner at your house first! It’s a chance to practice all those manners, and maybe earn some dessert. (You don’t have to serve anything fancy- it can be mac & cheese with a piece of fruit for dessert!)
    • If food refusal is something you’re worried about, you could try preparing a response from yourself, or giving your kid polite ways to say no thank you.

Holiday Stress from Finances:

  • Go back to your big picture; what and why are you celebrating in the first place.
  • Establish a budget, and don’t stray from it
  • Make gifts when possible; trim the gift giving list
  • Be honest with people you might not be able to give gifts to this year. You may be surprised by people’s responses! No one wants to be a burden!

Enjoy a Peaceful Holiday Season!

You CAN reclaim the peace in your life this holiday season. Remember, you don’t have to do everything; just choose a few meaningful activities and do them well. Attack the holiday stress by addressing the family obligations, the over-scheduling, and the finances. And don’t forget to choose peace over stress this holiday season! After all, as the carol goes, “Let there be peace on Earth. And let it begin with me.”

If you want more parenting tips and strategies for a happier, more peaceful home all year, make sure to sign-up for the newsletter below!

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About Alexandria

Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!

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