Respect is Critical
Getting our kid’s respect can feel like the Holy Grail. “If they just respected me, they’d listen to me!” Or they might be more willing to take your advice, or just generally more cooperative, or respectful.
You intuitively understand how important their respect is. If we don’t respect someone, it is very unlikely that we’ll give them our best effort. I mean, when was the last time you went above and beyond for a boss you didn’t respect? My guess is that if you did turn in your best work, it’s because you respect yourself, the client, or your co-workers. Kids are just like us. Everything is going to work better if they know they can respect us.
So the trick to getting your kid to respect you is to ask yourself, “How would I measure whether or not to give someone else respect?” It’s the same for them.
6 Steps to Get Your Kid’s Respect
1. Listen to them.
They want to be heard. They want to be known, especially by you, the most important person in their life. When you listen, don’t interrupt or jump ahead and assume you know what they will say. Really listen. Ask questions. Make eye contact.
2. Actions are worth 1000 words.
Kids are great BS detectors. If you are a person of integrity and walk the walk, especially when things are most difficult, that will mean much more than any lecture.
3. Follow-through.
Actually do what you say you’ll do; from the small stuff to the big. It’s pretty difficult to respect someone if you can’t trust them.
4. Fight fair.
When you need to offer correction or discipline, don’t put them down when you do it. No name-calling or screaming is necessary. Speak respectfully to them, clearly let them know the issue, any potential consequences, and what you expect next time. “I know you can do better” is way different than “you suck.”
5. Avoid talking behind backs.
If you’re throwing your neighbor’s kids under the bus in front of your family, I can almost guarantee your kids are wondering if you talk about them the same way. If you want to get your kid’s respect, a little restraint can go a long way.
6. Let your work be seen.
There’s no question that you’re pulling your weight for the family, but often the unseen is unknown. Basically, your kid may not know that you’ve been working hard all day while they’re at school, or that there’s no magic laundry fairy who transformed that pile of dirty laundry. This step requires walking a tightrope of saying just enough, without sounding like you have a martyr -complex. But it’s important because part of respecting someone is knowing that they’re contributing to the team, too.
Respect Can Strengthen Relationships
I know I use way too many analogies, but respect is a lot like the soil in a garden. Without healthy soil, flowers won’t grow; and without healthy amounts of your kid’s respect, your relationship with them may wither over time.
Have you ever noticed a change in your kid’s behavior related to respect? Leave a comment, or email me at alex@choosingyourbattles.com- I’d love to hear!