The independent preschooler?
Preschoolers (kids aged 3-5ish) are always learning new skills and trying new things. A lot of the new skills they learn are helping them gain independence. For many kids, these are headstrong years. They are learning to assert themselves. And parents are learning to give their kids a bit more space.
Many parents greet this time in their child’s life with mixed emotions. Even those this signifies typical development, it’s easy to be a bit sad about your preschooler no longer needing your for everything.
But the upside is that they are growing and no longer need you for everything!! They are feeding themselves, possibly getting (some of) their own food, dressing themselves, and the list could go on!
Not every preschooler is so enthusiastic about independence. Or maybe your son or daughter is trying to assert their independence by ‘making’ you do tasks for them.
So, to encourage them in their typical development, (and to help you re-claim 3 minutes of your life!) I have 2 quick tips. Here we go!
2 Quick Tips for Encouraging Independence
1. Go Slow
My first tip is to respond s-l-o-w-l-y to all tasks you expect them to be able to do independently.
Let’s use pouring dry cereal as an example. “Mom, can you get some cereal for me?” “Sure sweetie, but my hands are a little busy at the moment. Remember, you can get a bowl and the cereal and pour it for yourself.”
Then take your sweet time with whatever you’re doing.
Your goal is to have your kid get so tired of waiting for you that it’s easier to just do it themselves. So, maybe this is a good time to start a load of laundry, or sweep the floor, or take care of a younger sibling. (Or even yourself!)
If they’re really digging their heels in, you could simply require that the bowl and box of cereal be on the counter before you pour the cereal out for them. Admittedly, this is not nearly as easy to do if you’re up against a time-crunch. But if you can, try and plan for extra time to be able to encourage an independent preschooler.
2. Let Them Be The Expert
Kids love knowing more than grown-ups!
So, next time your kid asks for help with putting on their shoes and socks (for example), act a little confused about the whole process. Try opening the sock at the toe, or putting it on an ear.
They’ll get a kick out of teaching you how to do it, and teaching a skill is the best way to make sure it’s ingrained.
Plus, the chances are good that you’ll both finish the task with smiles on your faces!
3. Bonus Tip for More Independent Preschoolers
Kids move faster with encouragement than with anger.
It may be repetitive, but do your best to be a very vocal cheerleader for them every step of the way. “Great job! You found the bowl and put it on the counter! You’re such a big kid, I knew you could do it!”
You don’t have to be creative with your praise- just sincere. No kid has ever said, “Mom, you already said I’m great. Why don’t you try a new word?”
Also, don’t reserve your praise for the completed task- pour it on, liberally, the whole way and your kid will be so much more motivated to keep going. We want to praise the effort, not just the result!
When it gets a little mind-numbing, just think about how wonderful it is that your kid will have that as the soundtrack of your voice in their head.
Let’s Hear It For Independent Preschoolers!
There you go! Two quick tips to help encourage you and your preschooler towards greater independence. Just go slow, and let them be the expert!
So what’s your favorite quick tip? Have you tried any of these ‘tricks’ before? How would it impact your life if you had a more independent preschooler who could do things on their own? I’d love to hear in the comments if these worked for you, or if you think I left something out!
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About Alexandria
Alexandria is a Marriage and Family Therapist with 10 years experience, who is passionate about happy families. She is adamant that happy families start with parents who have the knowledge and tools they need, and who aren’t stressed out to the max. And she wants to help your family thrive!
