Everyone should be aware of the warning signs for suicide, especially for younger children. Being aware of these could literally save your child’s life!
A common misconception is that a person (including your kid) has to have a known mental health diagnosis in order to be truly suicidal. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Although according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 90% percent of 10-24 year olds who complete suicide did have an underlying mental illness, this means that 1 in 10 did NOT. So, your child does not have to have a diagnosed mental illness to be suicidal. Please don’t let that cloud your judgement if you think you’re seeing any of these following warning signs.
WARNING SIGNS:
Having a preoccupation with death (it could be through talking, writing/journaling, or drawing)
Writing good bye notes
Giving possessions away
A sudden change in behavior
Talking about a plan for suicide
At-Risk Factors for Suicide, in Children:
These are parts of your child’s life circumstances which put him/her at greater risk or completing suicide.
Having just had a big fight with a close family member or friend
Diagnosis of ADD, ADHD, Depression and/or Bipolar Disorder
Access to firearms
Family history of suicide
Previous attempts
Being male (Females often make more attempts at suicide than males, but males tend to use more lethal means so there’s less chance for a rescue.)
Privacy and Suicidal Children
I know many parents have strong views about letting their kids maintain their own space. But, this is not the moment to be squeamish about privacy. You may want to consider checking their room for drawings or a journal entry that may shed more light on the inner workings of their mind. I understand this is a sensitive area. But, if you are truly suspicious that your kid is having suicidal thoughts the risk is too high to not do everything in your power to help your kid. Better for them to be alive and mad at you for an invasion of privacy than the alternative.
Next Steps if You Suspect Your Child is Thinking of Suicide
If you have noticed any of these signs, you may want to have a discussion with your child about how they’re feeling. What To Do When Your Young Child Talks About Suicide is a great resource to help you figure out the next steps to take if you’re concerned about your son or daughter.
If your child is actively suicidal, call 911 or take them to the emergency room immediately. The suicide prevention line is 800-273-talk (8255)
Suicide In Young Children Is NOT A Myth
According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for kids 10-14.
“From 1999 through 2015, 1,309 children ages 5 to 12 took their own lives in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says. That means one child under 13 died of suicide nearly every five days, on average, over those 17 years.” (From this CNN article.)
Additionally, 5 is as young as suicide is coded, because given developmental considerations of very young children, suicide is never coded as a cause of death for children 4 years old or younger.
The American Academy of Pediatrics researched suicide in elementary school-age children and adolescents, and found that only 29% of children who complete suicide disclose these thoughts to their parents/loved ones. So recognizing the potential warning signs is incredibly important.
The Warning Signs Look Different for Kids
They also found that the predominant mental health diagnosis of children (ages 5-11) who completed suicide was Attention Deficit Disorder, and not Depression like in other age groups.
Terrifyingly, this suggests that a kid’s impulsivity is related to potentially suicidal behavior.
The silver-lining, at least, is that safety planning is a very effective tool for prevention. And if you can talk to your kid, you can find out their potential plans, and remove the temptation from their impulsive reach.
Preparation Is Key
If you find yourself in the position where your young child is talking about suicide, there are a few things listed below you can do. If you have never experienced a child expressing suicidal thoughts, I still encourage you to continue reading so you can be prepared (think of it as emergency preparedness planning). The steps are listed semi-sequentially , but I should emphasize that it’s critically important to contact the child’s doctor, especially if they’re on any medication.
Safety planning by removing the temptation for impulsive behaviors can be an effective suicide prevention tool.
What to do if your young child says “I want to kill myself”
1. Listen.
Your first job is to keep them talking to gather as much information as possible. IF there is a plan, you NEED to know it. Don’t be afraid to ask about their plan- you WILL NOT be putting ideas into their head if you just parrot back the question to them. For example, if your child says, “I hope I never wake up” or “I want to die” you could say, “Do you have any ideas about how that would happen?” Or if your child says, “I want to kill myself” you can reply, “Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself?”
If you just can’t bring yourself to say that you can ask how they may plan to harm/hurt themselves, or just generally if they have a plan. Your child will not be shocked by this question- they may actually be relieved to have a chance to discuss this terrifying thing that’s been going on in their mind.
Your kid is not going to start developing a plan to complete suicide because you asked that question. But you will be able to start a safety plan because you asked.
2. Identify The Plan
You need to find out their plan, because “I pray that I never wake up” is completely different than, “I’m going to drink the mouth wash to poison myself,” which is different still from, “I’m going to use the gun that I know is in the nightstand drawer.”
Each of those circumstances deserves it’s own attention, but you won’t know unless you ask about it.
3. Talk to their doctor
Especially if they’re on any medication. If this is happening after office hours, this is worth leaving a message for your on-call doctor. If they have a mental health professional, call them immediately.
If you feel that a suicide or self-harm attempt is likely/imminent, take your child to the emergency room or call 911.
4. Empathize
Empathize with them that they must feel awful, and let them know you love them unconditionally. Acknowledge that to them, these feelings and problems seem like they will last forever.
5. Safety Plan
Create a brief version of a safety plan to create a safe environment, or use your safety plan if you’ve already developed one with a mental health professional. A brief safety plan can include:
1. Identifying coping strategies. (I.e.: possibly watching a funny movie, looking at pictures of good memories, physical activity, an artistic endeavor, and more.)
2. Remove any means for your child to hurt themselves. Remove/secure the obvious things (firearms, rope, medication, etc.).
3. Help them find the things/people/pets that they live for.
6. Take It Seriously
Please, take these threats seriously. Generally, this is not just as a way to seek attention. And it’s always better to be safe than sorry in these cases.
7. Find A Therapist
Finding a therapist for your child to talk to is going to be critical. Here are some general links that may assist you, but you can also reach out to your insurance company. If it feels overwhelming, see my steps to getting therapy set-up for your kid.
You’ll want to make sure to include your kid’s school in this solution. Your child spends a large amount of their time at school, and they take their responsibility to keep your child safe seriously. You can call the school and ask to speak to the school psychology or counselor. Work with the school on a plan to ensure your child is safe and thoroughly supervised at all times.
You Are Not Alone
This is a challenging and terrifying thing to go through as a parent, but you can get through this.
You know the drill now. Pay attention, listen, find their plan, empathize. Make a safety plan. Work with other professionals, like their doctor, a therapist and their school.
You are not alone. There is help for you and your child. You can both come out of this stronger, and possibly with an even closer relationship.
Additional resources
http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/
http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx 800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911
