Introverts Are Great
I need to explain that I am not here to ‘fix’ kids from being introverts. It’s an enduring- and wonderful- personality trait! These kids are often deep thinkers, evaluaters and good listeners, which I think are all traits to be admired.
But because they are not as likely as their extroverted peers to seek out social interaction, it is common for introverted kids to have less developed social skills. And while it’s fine to prefer some solitude instead of a general ruckus, I want these kiddos to be on equal footing with the extroverts. Because human beings were designed to live in community; we need each other. So we all need solid social skills to be able to effectively interact with other people.
We all want our kids to be successful adults. And whether you measure that by your kid having a successful career, or stable and meaningful relationships, social skills are key. It has long been established that extroverts earn more money, most likely because those individuals are comfortable with communication in group settings, and are then perceived to be leaders. And it should go without saying that communication is essential to healthy relationships.
Social Skills Are A Learned Skill
Let me make this analogy. If there were a kid who doesn’t know how to stand on one foot, I would make sure he or she develops the skill. Not because I particularly care if this child stands around like a flamingo, but because I know there are additional skills built on top of the ability to balance and stand on one foot (like getting dressed while standing up, and going up the stairs with alternating feet, for example). Standing on one foot is a pre-requisite skill.
Basic social skills are the same way. If you don’t help kids develop these stepping-stone skills, big social skills (like interviewing or presenting) seem that much more out of reach.So let’s set these kids up for success!
Social Skills For Kids Who Are Introverts
1. Manners
Manners are critical to social skills. They are the oil that helps everything keep rolling smoothly. Parents are often quick to teach ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ but don’t forget about other phrases like, “May I…?” and if they were at a friend’s house “Thank you for having me over.”
2. Respond
One quality of introverts is that they tend to be critical thinkers, so if you ask a kid a question, he/she may not respond because they’re busy thinking! The good news is that we, as their parents, can teach them that they need to always respond to a question. And if they don’t have their final answer, they can use a response like, “Let me think about that” or “I need a minute.”
3. Respond with an ‘and’
This is one of those social skills that can really help draw out those introverted kids! If someone asks your kid, “Are you having a nice summer?” how likely is it that they just say “Yes” or some other one word answer? (I feel like I can see heads nodding!!) So, we can teach them to say “Yes, AND I like going to the beach” or “No, AND I’ve been sick this summer.” Especially if you’re going to a family reunion, or some other function where you know they’ll be asked these sorts of questions, you could think about coaching your kid to come up with a few canned answers.
4. Eye contact
Kids (introverts AND extroverts) can be notorious for speaking to us while looking the completely opposite way. I get that looking someone in the eye can be hard. And if there’s a power-differential, like when they’re addressing an adult, it can be especially challenging. But physically speaking towards the person you’re speaking to is a critical skill. If they’re especially intimidated by making eye-contact, there’s always the age old trick of looking at someone’s eyebrows!
5. Follow-up question
This is a skill that will have everyone raving about how charming and personable your child is. When was the last time a 9 year old asked you how you are? That sort of poise tends to knock some socks off!
It’s a hard concept for some kids to organically grasp, because they’re still developmentally in a very egocentric state. To put it bluntly, other people’s life experiences isn’t something many kids think about. This is another one of the social skills where you can coach kids, and prepare them with a few planned questions. Even just “How are you?” is wonderful questions for a kid to be asking. You can practice this skill at the dinner table, with everyone asking each other questions like, “How was your day?” (Having a few planned questions can also be a handy trick for many adults!)
Social Skills for Introverts Only?
This list of social skills is not exclusive to introverts. Extroverts certainly need to learn manners, too. But each personality- and each individual- has their own strengths and weaknesses. So this list of social skills is meant to help kids who are introverts with areas that tend to be challenges.
Extroverts still can have many challenges when it comes to social skills, but they are often slightly different than the ones mentioned above.
Use these tips to slowly coach your kiddo, and see if you notice a difference. The Free Social Skills PDF is right below, and will definitely help you in that process.
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