This is Part 1 in a series about impulse control for children and teens. Click on the links for Part 2: How to Teach Impulse Control in Children or for Part 3: Impulse Control Activities for Teens.

 

Impulse Control Is Critical

Kids without impulse control are hard to manage. They are reactors, and not thinkers, which can make parenting them feel like your parenting a hand-grenade. You never know when they’ll have a fit or meltdown, try to run away, throw something across the room, or act out aggressively.  Learning impulse control is imperative for kids, whether they are typically developing or they are experiencing a range of mental health or cognitive disorders. 

 

Impulse Control Is Part of Child Development

Impulse control isn’t about “bad kids” and “good kids.” It’s about whether their brain has had a chance to develop brakes. I know it’s not a scientific term, but it really is the best descriptor I’ve found. Just because your child is having fits, or throwing something across the room DOES NOT mean they are a “bad kid.” Their brain simply hasn’t had a chance to develop yet.

Everyone will eventually develop these brakes that stop us from impulsively making poor choices- like eating an entire bowl full of cookie dough, or running out into the street without looking to chase a ball. (Interestingly, a new way to conceptualize ADHD is as a developmental delay in impulse control.) Impulse control, or self-restraint, will vary in strength from person to person- like other personality traits. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give it a helping hand!

 

Teaching Impulse Control

I hear you! It’s REALLY hard to live with a kid who’s throwing things, hitting people, or running out into the street because they’re not thinking it through. The good news is, you can help them develop impulse control with practice. The bad news is, it’s also going to take patience because you literally have to wait for their brain to develop. But you can help their brain start making all the connections and create the right pathways through practice. You’ve helped your kid achieve a million other milestones, and you can help coach them to learn better impulse control, too! 

There are actually a lot of similarities to teaching impulse control, and potty training. In potty training, the kid has to recognize the feeling of needing to use the bathroom, understand what it means, and then choose to do something about it. In impulse control, a kid needs to recognize the feeling of wanting to do a behavior, understand that behavior is not appropriate, and then choose to not do it. And in both cases, some kids will be a breeze to teach, and will seemingly pick this up by themselves. Others will be a hard-fought battle, whether due to temperament or developmental delays or cognitive differences. The silver-lining here is that the most difficult challenges are the sweetest to overcome!

 

Parent Or Coach?

As a sidebar before these awesome practice activities- I know coaching and teaching your kid to go further than they thought possible is an amazing part of being a parent. But being the person who loves them unconditionally, and thinks they’re perfect and wonderful and amazing just how they are? That’s something only you can do. You are their parent, and it’s an awesome and singular responsibility. Take some pressure off yourself; you’re not their therapist. So don’t push too hard, follow your child’s lead with these activities, build-up their tolerance gradually, and have fun!

 

Impulse Control Activities for Kids

 

1. Red Light, Green Light

It may not be a fancy, or glamorous game, but this has all the components of good activity for developing impulse control. The kid has to listen, has to choose to follow the rules, must have control of their body, and has to temporarily do something they don’t want to (i.e.: stop at the “red light”).

 

2. Simon Says 

Another low-tech, no-prep impulse control activity for children that focuses on listening, body control, and the ability to physically restrain yourself. 

 

3. Balloon Toss

This one takes 15 seconds of prep-work. Give your kid an inflated balloon, and ask them not to throw it up in the air for 30 sec. (or less depending on your kid- this isn’t a punishment.) You want them to have that feeling of “but I waaaaant to” before you let them toss it a few times. Then talk about that feeling, and how they were able to overcome it. Just for a few sentences; this shouldn’t be a lecture! They just exemplified impulse control!!

 

4. Board Games 

Turn taking is an excellent way to practice restraining impulsive behavior! Games like Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, Trouble, or Monopoly, where there are negatives like being sent back to the start (or jail!!), provide a second-layer of ‘fun discomfort’ to challenge your kid! Try these less common board games for impulse control for a great twist on game night 

 

5. Organized Sports

Many communities start offering organized sports around age 3. Don’t worry about whether or not your kid will be good! It’s not about that. Even super young organized sports require basic listening, sharing and self-restraint. And playing on a team can be a fun way to practice these skills, and maybe even make some friends!  

 

Transferring These Skills To Real-Life

You may be feeling anxious for these skills to start showing in real-life, instead of just games. But remember when your sweet little baby started walking? He or she didn’t start just walking down the street by themselves! And you didn’t berate them for holding onto the couch to get to you while you waved a stuffed animal at them so they’d walk to you. You played games, and cheered them on and maybe even caught those first steps on camera! And when they fell, even after they learned to walk, you helped them back up. Your kiddo will get there with impulse control, too. It may not be on your time-frame, but it’ll happen.

To help this transfer to real-life, you can work on recognizing any time that they exhibit self-restraint/impulse control, and commenting on it immediately. (This is not a group that responds well to delayed gratification.) In the meantime, I’d suggest practicing excellent self-care and getting a break when you can. 

Have patience, and have fun! 

Related Posts

• 11 Impulse Control Games You’ll Want to Play With Your Kids
  
• How To Teach Impulse Control In Children: Part 2
  
• Practical Solutions to Impulsive Behavior
  
• Impulse Control Activities for Teen, Tweens and Older Kids
  

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