6 Creative Punishments for Cursing

Are there any alternatives to washing a kid’s mouth out with soap when they swear or use bad words?

Well, gosh, thanks for asking! Of course there are! As  parents, we just need to get creative with the punishments we’re using when kids curse.

So, let me underscore this. You are better at parenting than to resort to an ‘easy’ tactic like washing a kid’s mouth out. It’s easy because it’s the gut reaction for you. Your kid swore at you. You’re a human- of course you’re upset!

But washing their mouth out with soap (or using hot sauce, or whatever spray) doesn’t teach the lesson not to swear. It teaches the lesson that you are still bigger and scarier and (for the time being) can physically overpower them.

So let’s find some alternatives to washing kid’s mouth out with soap; it’s dangerous, and it’s a gray area of child abuse. At best, it’s ineffective. At worst, it’s traumatic.

Keep reading after I give you some ideas about creative punishments for cursing because it’s also important to address swearing with prevention, and monitoring your reaction in the moment. But we’ll start with the consequences- because that’s what you’re here for!

 

5 Creative Punishments for Cursing

I want to give you a word of guidance about selecting a punishment for cursing for your child. The key to coming up with punishments or consequences is to find one that you can and will follow-through on. So, you need to find one that’s not a burden to you. If you find yourself reading through these thinking, “I’d never be able to get them to do that!” I would encourage you to keep looking and brainstorming until you can figure out what will work best for you.

 

1. Write a letter/poem/creative writing piece about the positive aspects about whatever they were swearing at 

So, if they saying, “I f***ng hate school” then they’d need to write something about the positive aspects of school. This exercise will help them learn to see that there’s  good in everything if you look hard enough.

 

2. Do something kind for that person, or a good deed for the day if it was general swearing

Why is using bad language such a problem in the first place? Partly, because it can be very hateful. This one is especially poignant for a kid who curses at you. If your son or daughter calls you a bitch, then they have to do something nice for you. It could be up to you to choose; if they’re old enough, they could make dinner that night. Or you could let them surprise you with something nice.

3. Have them brainstorm more creative non-swear words they could use next time

There’s a common belief that cussing indicates a person has a limited vocabularly, and limited intellect. This study put that to the test, and found reason to disagree with that long-held belief. But why use cuss words when there are excellent words like, “curmudgeon” “flibbertigibbet” and “abhor.”

4. Ask your kid what they would do/what consequence they think they might deserve

If you really want to watch your child squirm, this is the creative punishment for cursing you’ll want to use. Kids typically inflict a much stronger consequence on themselves than you would have. Which can leave you smelling like a rose if you impose a lesser punishment after their suggestion.

 

5. “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

You can lock down their email, social media, phone, etc. You may have to change the wifi password, or physically take their phone/tablet/computer for this. The point would be to remove the privilege of speaking to other people. Yes, this is pretty much like grounding, but the phrasing and reasoning sets the tone for the punishment to fit the crime a little better. Depending on the severity, you could choose for this to last for an afternoon, or a week. You’ve got the power!

 

6. Have them create something pretty

This ties in nicely with punishments 1 and 2. The other half of the problem with cussing is that it’s ugly and offensive (in addition to potentially being hateful.). We addressed the hate part by giving the consequence that your son or daughter practice kindness and learn to see the good in things. We’ll address the problem of swearing being ugly by requiring your kid to create something to beautify the space. Go with their strengths here- it could be a song, could be a craft, it could be cleaning or organizing. Use whatever particular skill set makes most sense.

 

Prevention: How To Stop Cussing Before It Starts

This, of course, is the gold standard- preventing the need to come up with creative consequences in the first place!! Here are a few quick tips.

• Watch your own language.
• Monitor your kid’s peers. Telling them they can’t be friends with Mason will probably backfire; but you can fill their time with other positive activities and people to limit the amount of time they can hang out with Mason.
• Proactively discuss foul language with your kid. Giving them the time and space to ask questions about what words actually mean will take some of the mystique out of swearing. If they seem hesitant to start the conversation, dive in first and start with something on the tamer end. Like defining that the word ‘shit’ just means ‘poop.’ It might encourage them to open up if they see you discussing these words with a straight face.
• Monitor their social/media intake. When your kid swears at you, your first reaction is usually anger. The second reaction is “I have NO idea where they learned that from!” And if you generally feel comfortable with friends and the people they’re around, you probably need to take a good look at what they’re watching. YouTube is a minefield, but so can anywhere your kid thinks they’re operating out of your view. Make sure you know what they’re up to online, and what they’re watching on TV.

 

Reacting to Your Kid Swearing

 

Stay calm

Reacting in a big way reinforces that this is a way for your kid to get attention. Whether it’s blowing your top, or giggling, this isn’t helpful if your aim is to stop your kid from swearing. The best thing to do is remain as neutral as possible while you tell them this isn’t okay.

 

Decide if cursing is something you want to punish

For some families, swearing isn’t a huge deal. And there’s an interesting argument that cursing is the last step to mastering a language. You might feel that this is developmentally appropriate, and just needs to be reined in. Maybe some places or words are OK in your family (see considerations for kids kids with ADHD, ODD, IED etc.) Figure out where you and your partner stand on this, and if this is a battle you want to fight.

 

Choose a punishment that fits the crime

When your kid cussed, was it experimentation? Does your kid actually know what the word means? Or, was the foul language meant to be hateful? Those are 3 different behaviors, and they need 3 different types of consequences.

 

(Everyone) calm down before enforcing any of the creative punishments for cursing.

Once your kid has their anger under control, the punishment will be more effective. And (bonus!) enforcing the consequence will be easier for you. Also, you’ll feel better knowing that you didn’t end up parenting out of anger, so you don’t have to go to bed tonight with a knot in your stomach!

This is probably the best thing you can do if you are trying to find alternatives to washing your kid’s mouth out with soap. Because, when you’re stressed and angry, cortisol floods your brain and you aren’t thinking clearly. But if you give yourself a chance to cool down you’ll be able to find a consequence for cussing that actually makes sense. The easiest way to accomplish this might be to send your kid to their room while everyone takes a beat.

 

Considerations for kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), ADHD, Autism and more

If your kid has ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, or any number of learning disabilities, mental illness or special needs you already know that the typical discipline ‘rules’ need a little tweaking to make sense in your family. So, here are some special considerations about implementing creative punishments for cursing

• Avoid complicated rules about swearing. Generalization and learning social situations and impulse control is hard. Don’t over complicate it. You’re not being too strict of a parent if you tell a 12-year-old “no swearing, ever, anywhere.” You’re keeping the rules simple and easier to remember. You’re setting them up for success.
• Monitoring their intake is even more important. If your kids don’t know bad words, then they can’t say them. But I know, that ship has already sailed if you’re here.
• Teach kids to express anger in safe ways. Kids with ODD and IED are going to need a safe place to explode, so if you hear cussing while they’re in their room raging, it’s probably not worth the fight to address it.
• Don’t give a consequence for something that happens during a rage if you can help it. Your kid was out of control when they were acting that way, so you’re better off dealing with the root cause of the meltdown than giving a punishment for swearing during it.

You may already know from experience that ADHD and foul language often go hand in hand. If you’re finding that your child is having a hard time controlling themselves and their language, I would recommend some additional reading on impulse control and self-control:

Impulse Control Strategies for Kids

Impulse Control for Teens

Impulse Activities for Kids: Teaching the Basics

11 Impulse Control Games You’ll Actually Want To Play With Your Kids

 

Which of the 6 Creative Punishments for Cursing Will You Use?

It’s always best to be prepared, so make sure to tuck away one (or two!) of these consequences for swearing in your back pocket for when you need it!

And make sure to sign up for the weekly newsletter so you don’t miss any of the useful and practical tips I share about parenting kids with challenging behaviors! 

 

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