I know I’m not the only one bracing myself for the worst when it comes to parent-teacher conferences.
I love my kids, but there’s a certain amount of breath-holding and worrying about what the teacher is going to say about any one of my sons.
“Mrs. Cooper, he’s that kid.”
“He’s never quiet in class, and he’s a complete disruption.”
“He can’t keep up.”
It’s easy for us to worry that we’re going to be embarrassed or feel like a failure or maybe even cry in front of this teacher! After all, we generally see the worst of their behavior, while they save their best self for the rest of the world.
What’s a parent to do?
We can prepare for the worst and hope for the best. One of the things I like to do is think about the strengths of each of my kids, because it can be a big classroom and those unique, wonderful things can go unnoticed.
Step 1 for successful parent-teacher conferences
So, step one is starting with a new perspective.
Instead of assuming the worst, I’m going in thinking about the best parts of my kids. Whatever the teacher may bring up, I will remember the strengths of my kid. If she says he’s falling behind in reading, I will remember what a tender heart he has. No, this doesn’t fix the reading problem, but it does help me to not feel so gutted when I hear the bad news.
Step 2 for successful parent-teacher conferences
The second thing I do is remember that this is a two-way conversation.
I can ask the teacher questions as well. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to come off as combative. I’m very appreciative of the incredibly difficult job that these teachers have, but I take my role as my child’s advocate seriously.
So, if I have concerns, or just questions, II try to write those down in a cheap notebook. And I’ll have each kid or each teacher on a different page with a questions I specifically want to ask. These are questions like:
- Have you seen *this behavior* show up in class?
- How is he reading (or fill in your concern here) compared to the beginning of the school year?
- What are some additional ways I can support him at home?
- Have you noticed him getting along, or not, with the other students?
Those questions are more for elementary school age, but they should help get you started.
These are usually questions I will run past or brainstorm with my husband. And I might get one more friend or sister’s opinion on it as well.
Step 3 for successful parent-teacher conferences
Don’t forget to set aside time to speak with the specials teachers, and/or the person working on interventions with your kiddo. If your child has a passion for music, chances are the music teacher may have a different view of them than their general teacher. It can be refreshing, and exciting, to learn about your kid’s growing abilities in art, music or gym! Even if you don’t think they have a particular talent in any of the specials, these teachers deliver their curriculum in a different way, which might result in a different kind of student-teacher relationship- so it’s worth hearing their perspective.
Bonus step for success!
Lastly, if I’m concerned about a specific problem behavior, I try to be proactive. For example, if they’re coming home, telling me that they’re not finishing their classwork on time, I would probably reach out to the teacher at that time, rather than wait until conferences.
(Unless it’s a particularly egregious thing, my general rule of thumb is to let it go if it happens once, and watch and see. Twice is a pattern, and at that point I’ll get involved. It helps to keep me from jumping in on every. little. thing. And, it gives my kids a bit of self-efficacy.)
I have found that by being proactive and working with the teachers there are fewer surprises at the parent-teacher conference. And when I walk in, they don’t view me as that kid’s mom. They view me as an important part of my son’s team. It doesn’t change the potential issues, but it does change the perspective.
Do you have any dread leading up to parent-teacher conferences? I’d love to hear your experiences!
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