How do you know if your kid is ready for a phone?
This has been such an interesting generational shift! This was simply not a conversation our parents had, so it doesn’t come with the same sort of ability to look back and think, Oh, I’ll do it the way my parents did (or didn’t!).
But there’s a lot to consider when deciding if your kid is ready for a phone.
There are inherent risks to kids having a phone- screen addiction, falling prey to the social media comparison trap, online bullying, exploitation, sexting, and more.
But there are also benefits to phones, like communication, building friendships, and learning/growing interests and skills.
So instead of just giving you the answer about exactly when the right time is for a kid to have a phone, here are some questions, and possible workarounds you could use. Because what’s right for one family may not be the answer for another.
Questions to Ask When Considering a Phone for a Child:
Why does your kid need a phone?
- To stay in touch with family? Are you a split-custody family, and need to be able to contact your kid when they’re at their mom/dad’s?
- Does your kid spend time alone at home? Maybe you work outside the home, and would like to check-in with your child when they get home from school.
- To call for a ride home from activities? (Gone are the days of using the collect phone at school and leaving a quick “It’s-Alex-need-a-ride” before your family declines the charges and hangs up on you. Just me? 🙂 )
- They walk to school or ride to friend’s houses on their bike and you would like to know where they are
These circumstances may shift the emphasis you put on the next section, when you consider their maturity level. You can also use these questions to identify the features you would need in a phone or other smart device.
What’s my child’s general maturity level?
Instead of randomly choosing an age, let’s look at some maturity markers that tell you a kid might be ready for the responsibility of having a phone:
- Can they take care of their own personal hygiene with minimal reminders?
- Can they turn off the TV or video games without complaining?
- Are you able to trust them to stay home alone?
- Do they frequently lose small (or larger) items, like glasses, books, coats, etc?
- Do they follow through with other responsibilities, like completing homework or chores?
Reasons your kid might want a phone
Hint, these may not be good reasons to get a kid a phone.
- To be like their friends. Peer pressure never goes away
- To play games
- To be on social media
- So they’re not bored all the time
For me, it comes down to a cost-benefit. Is the child (or family) going to experience a net positive from having a phone?
Growing up is a gradual process, and we naturally give our kids more responsibility and privileges over time. So it can be helpful to find a way to introduce them to phones, and then build the privileges up over time, instead of just throwing them in the deep end.
Things you can do instead of giving kids their own phone
You can have a family cell phone (one that all the kids share, and that stays in an agreed-upon place), or even install a landline, depending on the identified need for a phone. Hear me out, but a landline might be a nice option for younger kids in a split-custody arrangement; if you can screen your calls, you should barely have to speak to the other co-parent.
You can also use smartwatches, some of which come with minimal texting and calling abilities. So, if you need to know where your kid is, and want the ability to check-in with them, this could be a better solution than a full phone.
Teaching kids to use phones as tools
If you have come to the conclusion that your kid does, in fact, need a phone, this is a great learning opportunity.
We can teach our kids how to use phones responsibly, instead of them becoming dependent on them. Screen addiction is real, and so are the dangers of social media, online bullying, and being exploited.
We need to let them build up their knowledge and self-control about using phones properly instead of just throwing them in the deep end and hoping they figure it out. Whether that’s by putting limits or parental controls on the phone, or by monitoring with apps like Bark, you need something to help them with the structure. Especially at first.
What does a therapist do in her own house for kid phones?
Affiliate disclaimer- I am an affiliate for Pinwheel, and if you purchase a product from them, I will receive a small commission at no-cost to you. BUT, we have had this phone in our home for about 6 months, and had recommended it to several friends and family members, before I became an affiliate.
I’ve been a huge fan of using Pinwheel with my oldest kid. It’s a smartphone operating system specifically for kids, preteens, and teenagers, and has been a great first phone.
I love that it gives him a phone he can talk to his friends and family on. And, it’s a smartphone (so he doesn’t look like the odd kid out), but it also has no access whatsoever to social media, or to a general search engine. The phone numbers are all safe-listed, so he’s not going to receive spam. Pinwheel’s app store is curated to give kids tools to support their growth, not mindless games or content.
For our family, it made sense that he got a phone around age 11; we had moved about an hour away, and he was missing the ability to talk to his old friends. He had also shown a lot of the maturity markers that I already mentioned.
But I think my favorite thing is that he is 100% not addicted to this phone. He gets on to text a friend or two, listen to a podcast, or learn Welsh (his choice!), but will then put it back down and forget about it. He’s the only 12-year-old I know, who has his own phone, who is not stuck on it constantly.
For more- visit Pinwheel.com to order a phone and Pinwheel monthly subscription at $15/mo
Your Plan for Getting Your Kid a Phone
Hopefully, now you have a plan about if and when you will get your child a phone of their own (or not!). There’s no magic age to get your kid a phone, but there are lots of signs that your kid will give you to show that they’re ready. And that little feeling of trepidation you have about giving your child more independence? That’s normal! It’s wonderful and hard- all at the same time- to watch them grow up!
Best of luck whenever you choose to move forward with this!